Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

Equal split every time. Who wants to die and leave behind sibling riots over Money? Not what I'd want to be remembered for.

I wish people would just realise inheritance isnt expected. It makes me feel sick hearing about people squabbling over their parents' money!

My parents don't have a lot but I know they are leaving my sibling more than me, and they've explained this is because they've helped me out more with money in the past and that makes it fairer. Do I care? No! It's not my money, I never had it before and I won't miss it then.

For info, me and hubby earn less than my sibling and their DP. We rent, they own. We have kids and they do not. I wouldn't care if I got nothing and they got it all.

I also believe if they left me more because they felt we needed it more, my sibling wouldn't care either.

Its their money, not ours.

In this situation the brother feels hard done by he should have got more on top of what he has. There is a word that people call them and it's selfish. The op has more understanding and grace towards her siblings. Money is the root of all evil and what tears families apart.

I don't think your parents are being unreasonable because they are looking one by one into the situations. I think inheritances sometimes brings these conflicts and your brother is OTT. If I were them I would easily leave just the funds for your youngest brother and your son and split the rest amongst the other grandsons. That will tell your older brother to mind his business. Is their money they can spend it in flowers if they wish.

Ugh, all this talk of the well-off brother being "penalised" for doing well. He's not. Nobody is taking a cricket bat to his knees, he's just getting less money than he wants to add to his existing pile of money.

Your older brother’s reaction is saying a lot about his mindset and character, none of it good.

Your parents are doing what is right for them.

From birth. But I waa in the NICU at King's College hospital or aboif 6 months as I waa born 3 months prematurely, so I wasn't able to go to my parents until after that.

But your patents are being fair by leaving your sister more, because you’ve already had more!
That’s how it should be. Equal share.

My mother has had children by two different men. One died leaving nothing. The other has placed a few million in trust for his dc.

She is splitting her will equally between all, as she doesn't want to send the message that she cares more for some than the others. I think she's right (and I am the child of the father who died leaving nothing).

Inheritance is much more about perceived care than about money. Your brother probably feels he is being punished for doing well. The more successful children usually get less support and attention during life anyway, so giving them less after death is compounding that feeling.

Although your parents are wanting to do right by each individual child, they risk causing family rifts afterwards.
Keeping it simple with an equal 4 way split is always going to cause less family tensions at a later date.
Basing inheritance on what someone has achieved or with holding financial payment to your youngest sibling is also quite a controlling thing to do.

Yes, me too. Sometimes the unequal splits can cause family rifts down the line.

It could all be a theoretical discussion if the parents live long lives and need to pay for care and/or enter residential care as they get frailer. I presume the will has been planned and drawn up with the assistance of an experienced solicitor with this in mind ?

It’s your parents money and they should do what they feel comfortable with. However, as so many threads on here have shown, inheritance and the act of it not being split equally causes real family issues and upset.

I can see why in a bog standard equal no issues family, an unequal will would cause resentment and fallout. But the scenarios of your various siblings are not bog standard or equal, and tbh I feel your eldest brothers actions reflect poorly on him. Your parents are reflecting equity, not equality, and I think that’s right.

My parents have helped my sister, who is significantly financially worse off than I am. I love my sister, she’s my best friend and I’m so glad my parents were in a position to provide her support to make her life easier. In doing so, they have not made my life worse, so why does it matter. I could not give a flying fuck if that means ‘my’ inheritance is smaller (to be clear though, it’s not MY inheritance, it’s my parents hard earned cash). Maybe my situation will change one day and I won’t be financially secure, and maybe at that time my parents won’t also be able to help me because they’ve given money to my sister, who knows, but that’s my problem.

Maybe I’ll sound harsh here but your eldest brother brother deserves sweet FA. I hope your sister gets some financial relief which makes a big difference to her life, I hope your younger brother gets the help he needed and your parents are able to provide him security on his recovery journey and I hope you have an absolutely 10/10 holiday.

Fair doesn't mean equal. Fair means treating people according to their needs. The extra money will make a huge difference to your sister whereas, from what you say, your brother is extremely financially secure. I find it very strange and sad that your brother cannot understand that.

To put it very simply. My brother earns 10 times what I earn. I would never imagine not splitting everything 50:50. What he built is his doing. I could have done the same but i obviously couldn't. How is this his fault he is more successful?

Sorry. Haven't read the whole thread but it is worth asking your parents to leave the money they are giving to your son in trust for him. Otherwise it will all get used up with day to day living costs instead of allowing him to maybe buy a property one day or use it for nice extras like holidays.

Agree with some of the last posters on here. It's the parents money. I had this discussion with my 4 DKs,3 have HA properties,low rent,2 are registered disabled. The one that isn't has benefitted from a lot of help money wise, earned a lot more than us, and blew it. A quarter of the inheritance wouldn't be massive, but would seriously impact,2 on benefits, causing them serious problems. The other one would blow it on stuff, and be back to square one. We had family chat,they agreed as the 4th is private renting, they would get less, happy with that. However,no seeing what is "expected" ,am shocked, and thinking might just leave it to charity. I have a friend who is very well off, one child said to her, they are going to get x amount (over a mill) so they might as well have it now. She was also shocked and very upset.

Inheritance isn't about fairness though, no one is owed or has a right to anything. Its about what the people leaving it want to do with it.

Personally I think they should blow it all on holidays and enjoying themselves and leave the grabby bastards that want to argue over it before they have even died, a big fat nothing.

Disgraceful behaviour.

It's hard to respect parents that treat kids differently.

They are entitled to leave their money as they wish.

Nothing more to say.

Not read the whole posts but parents should leave equal inheritance to each child. You probably woukd find that then the wealthy brother would probably give his away to siblings that needed it. The wealthy brother may develop an illness that causes him to it work like MS after parents died. The poorer siblings coukd win on the lottery.

I can understand what your parents are doing. I totally understand why your brother is upset. Tbh I would too.
Personally I think its only fair for things to be split evenly.

Ultimately its your parents choice.

It is up to your parents how they split their money. Most folk go for equal amounts regardless of circumstances. In my experience that is.

Where is the incentive in life to work hard and do well and make sacrifices if at the end of the day your parents say they'll top up the difference between siblings with inheritance? Fair split is the only way.

Her younger brother is a drug addict do you think he should get an equal cut to the money?