Inheritance issues !

[Troublesome3]

My parents ( both still living ) but battling health conditions spoke to my brother about the inheritance situation last week. He is not happy.
my parents are not splitting our inheritance equally between the 4 of us.
they think it’s not far to do so and have based it on our lifestyles / jobs.

the siblings are as followed

eldest DB works in a very high income job - I am not exactly sure what he does but it’s something to do with finance. His wife is an oncology consultant - they also received an inheritance previously which they bought their house with.
they have 2 kids - private education, no mortgage nice house and DB also had investment properties.

DS - is a single mum after leaving a very rocky relationship ( DV ) she works as a youth worker in a teen hospital ward earning around not very much but works hard. She currently private rents a 2 bed flat for her self and 2 DC 10 and 7.
she gets top up universal credits.

I have 2 children and a stepson in my care. Forensic pathologist and also qualified make up artist ( I know it’s a weird combo )
I bring home just under 100 k a year and have my late DP insurance. I own my house.
DC1 is severely disabled.

youngest DB has a lot of issues - mainly drugs / petty crime
he goes between living at parents to sofa surfing to disappearing and repeat.
he doesn’t work.

my parents have decided to leave us differently amounts.

my DS will receive the most

my youngest DB has a slight diff set up they are making sure he has accommodation and support but no money.

my eldest DB will receive less than myself and sister
and I will receive less than my sister but more than my DB.

DB1 is fuming and I do understand where his coming from but I also understand what they mean also and what they are trying to do.

are my parents being unreasonable ?

I think it's hurtful to leave your brother almost nothing. I could see why this is probably upsetting.

Prior to this did everyone get along well?

There are a lot of these threads which should show how contentious inheritance is.

Surely you can see the difference between a situation where the reasons for the unequal split have been articulated and there is a background of a good relationship, vs an adult being randomly cruel to a small child?

I'm sorry that happened to you but it doesn't mean the motive behind unequal distribution of resources is bad.

I couldn't disagree more.
They simply want all their children to be safe and secure
In my family we'd be delighted that our sister would be more comfortably off and wouldn't have to struggle even if meant we didn't get a big lump sum given that we were financially comfortable anyway .

If one child is doing really well, earns a high j come, has investment property etc then he is very greedy and selfish to be so upset unless there’s more to the story where the parents have consistently treated the kids differently.

So a child who has made a success of life is to be pushed to one side in favour of the ones who need 'support' because they haven't worked as hard, assuming they all had the same opportunity.

My mum is about to financially rescue my brother, again.

I have a house, kids, a dog. My mother has no idea what is in my bank account but we drive old cars, don't eat out and manage a holiday every other year.

My 50 year old brother has just walked out on his lovely girlfriend who has supported him through severe mental health problems.
He smokes 20 a day, drinks frequently in the pub, plays with crypto currency and gets obsessive with hobbies. No kids.

Apparently his complete lack of savings means he needs bailing out and he couldn't possibly cope in a one bed, he needs a two bed flat for his computer.

She gets sucked into sorting out his poor decision making decade after decade and she argued like many above that the split should be on need rather than equal.
It's arrogance on my mum's part that she believes she knows exactly what her kids who left home 30 years ago have done and will do and she's dividing it this way 'for the best'

This is one of the most sensible answers I've read on MN. Spot on reply 👏

Sometimes circumstances dictate the course of certain people's lives for the worst in spite of good decisions or efforts. Anyone can suffer ill health, disability, redundancy, or other awful things.

People can give two siblings equal chances and opportunities to do well. They may choose to use these to the best of their abilities, and get on in life with luck and opportunities on their side. Conversely, you could have all the best education in the world and have a marvellous career, for it all to come to a grinding halt with a devastating health condition.

My dear departed DB was just as lucky to have a wonderful childhood being adopted by mu parents, as I had an equally amazing childhood too. Yet, he wasn't quite as "good" as he could have been, and passed away from bowel cancer due to a rather hedonistic lifestyle of drugs and partying.

I did ok in my career etc but it seems a long time since I've had any confidence in myself after I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic drugs.

There by the grace of God go I...

I can't speak for the OP but my troubled brother has been a pain for the last 35years and before that was an unpleasant child. At what point does it stop.
My brother doesn't give a shit about me, my kids or our parents, he'd literally walk past you for a pint of Fosters and a fag before he'd say hello.
He gets special rules, special money and all the allowances under the sun. It does undermine my relationship with my sibling and my parents. We're sorting out stuff at the moment and it does worry me, how bitter I feel.

HMRC are now looking at jewellery for probate. Anything insured they will be aware of. I'm going to uninsure some pieces I've decided.

You work all your life and for what to give it back to the Government. Before I die I will leave my property in all my children's names so them bastards don't get a penny 😡

Don't write it in your will but personal letter.

Share it out and leave it out of the will to much fucking about and giving this government more money for them to put in their back pockets. King Charles and Kate get special care while the rest of us rot fuck em.

They will go on the deeds they will own the house. Shrouds have no pockets.

You will need to live seven years subsequently

It’s really only fair to split inheritance equally four ways as often people associate inheritance with love - so it’s easy to assume favouritism. However with such disproportionately wealthy siblings it’s common sense to all want DS to be comfortable and be able to get on the property ladder. For me the fact she has endured DV, lone parenting, hard work in an emotionally demanding role to keep a roof over everyone’s heads means a lot.

In the parents shoes I’d get give her 1/3 and split the rest equally between the brothers

I'll plan it well

I think it should be split evenly. Every time unless there is a child with disabilities that can't support themselves.

I'm sorry, did you see what the sisters breakdown was? Abuse, disabled son & highly respectable job that's incredibly difficult & vastly underpaid.

Gimmie a break.

As long as your parents have been very clear to the first brother that money does not equal love for him in their eyes, then I think they are doing the right thing.

Honestly, I would want my sibling to have more if I were one of the better off ones - could not justify adding more to an already massive sounding list of assets when my siblings were renting.

A minimum of seven years before and they’ll still check up to 10 years.
Plus they would have to live in the property or pay capital gains tax on their share of it.
Not to mention they would have to declare, if they own another property, which is their home. So if they declare yours their other property is screwed for capital gains tax, but not yours.
If they own another property they will also be taxed 2% for second property tax at the point of ‘sale’ by you.

Which ever way you look these days you’re taxed.

It’s not that hard especially in this situation. One child has a high paying job plus his wife, has investment properties etc while one earns a low income with a severely disabled child. You don’t need a phd to figure it out.

I am blessed to have a higher income than my sibling and I would gladly support my parents if they decide to give them the bulk to help them. As I said in my first post I would feel different if there was a history of favoring one child over the other as the resentment would have been growing for a while, but if it’s a true situation where the parents are just trying to help the e child that needs jt the mm at j would gladly support.

I don’t get this narrative that your parents not splitting the inheritance equally means they don’t love you.

Yes I would hope my children don’t need an inheritance and it’s just a bonus for them but it’s obvious when they need it unless you’re not involved in their lives.

How old were you both when they adopted you?

"He may well have wanted to help his sister."

Except, though he is richer than 95+% of the UK, he has NOT helped his sister, has he, or would she not be living better than she is? I wonder why that is? Has he helped his DB? His other DS? I know what my bet is on for the answers to the above.

I love all of these "equal is everything people". I can see it now. DD1 goes to see her parents once a week and DD2 goes to see her parents once a month. Ergo, DD1 loves her parents SO much more than DD2. DD1 buys her parent's slippers and a robe each for Christmas. DD2 buys them a weekend holiday. Oh-oh! DD2 spent more $$, so now it's OBVIOUS that DD2 loves her parents a LOT more than DD1!
The "equal is everything and money talks, compassion walks" crowd must be a true delight at Christmas as they scan Google to see if the gloves they got from Mom and Dad cost as much as the scarf they gave her DS. "WWwaaaahhh!! Mom and Dad love DB more than they love me! My gloves were 24.99 and DS's scarf cost 34.99! I hate my DS and will never, ever forgive my parents!"🙄

That's a huge amount to the majority of people. And if you and elder DB don't need it, you have the option of helping out your other siblings with it.

It's not about the amount. It's about feeling included and valued the same amount as the rest of your family. If I were in your DBs position and my sibling was your DS, I wouldn't hesitate to give her it to pay off her mortgage/buy a house. And she'd take it without feeling like a charity case because she knows I just want her to be secure. But at the same time, we all feel equally viewed by our parents.