Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

This is norm. My dad received his dads valuables and my aunt received her moms valuables.

My aunt gifted some gorgeous diamond studs to my sister, which belonged to her grandma.

Daughters only.

Unless directly and specifically left to DILs in will it is Bizarre, shameful & grabby.
Nd most certainly not traditional

I'm guessing your the executor.
Your friend must have had some amazing gear if they are up in arms.
It also says a lot the daughters are too distraught to even engage.

Personally I'd go via children only. Ie sons & daughters are I'd be quite firm about
A. How shameful dils behaviour is and how wrong/unfair is it is to their sisters that the sons haven't put a stop to this
B. Remind them they happily divided the dad's things with nothing going to the sisters and so THEY set the precedent on this.
C. Remind them this is NOT what the mother would have wanted (ie jewellery to go dils and for the family to be squabbling about money)

DO NOT give those things away. I'd be devastated if it happened to me and I am deeply unsentimental...

Both, assuming you like your DIL ime

It’s mean not to give the daughters-in-law anything. Let the daughters choose some pieces that the daughter-in-law can choose one each from.

Are you the executor, OP? You mentioned that there are no high value items, but if the whole collection adds up to any value, you should not give it away - get the solicitor to treat it as part of the estate and then you can gracefully withdraw from the decision.

Traditionally I would say daughters, or daughters and sons. Shameful of DILs to be asking, especially at what sounds like an early stage in the grieving process.

Daughters only. The daughters in law are behaving atrociously.

If their MIL gave them items of jewellery while she was alive, that's obviously fine, but they're not entitled to inherit anything that belonged to her unless there is a will that identifies and passes specific items on to them.

Daughters only on this occasion. As @GreatGateauxsby said, they set the precedent by having everything from the dad passed down to the male line.

Daughters! What are the DILs even thinking?! They have their own mothers who they'll inherit from. If the daughters don't want all of it and are happy to let some pieces go then that could be offered to the DILs but otherwise, it's absolutely none of their business. Their MIL could have specified gifts to them had she wished it but she didn't. Can't get over the entitlement of some people.

It goes to daughters, possibly daughter's and sons. Like all inheritance, it goes to the children, not the ILs. The DIL's have no right, unless something was specifically willed to them, which it hasn't been.

It wouldn't occur to me to expect a thing from my MIL.

I have sons so I am hoping for a granddaughter. It wouldn't be my first impulse to consider DIL who are not blood relatives of the deceased.

If there is no will, the jewellery is part of the estate and gets divided in accordance with intestacy law. The DILs are entitled to nothing.

It's tricky actually because if my jewellery goes to my dd she will receive a greater portion of the estate than ds because dh's jewellery, such as it is, is worth far less. I hadn't thought about it before.

My mother in-law gave jewellery to both her granddaughters, I assume the bulk of it went to SIL. I would expect daughters tbh, I would gift to a daughter or a granddaughter but not to a DIL (unless I had no direct female descendants).

My mother wanted her jewellery to go to all of her family. Historical family heirlooms went to daughters and sons though mostly daughters (One was her father's fob watch chain.) and granddaughters too. Some gd shared the same initial and could wear her lockets. Other items went to SILs, especially if they had given Mum that piece of jewellery.
Nothing was tremendously valuable.
It took five years for Dad to be ready to part with them.
We all have photos and a little story about the pieces and who they are now with. The document itself is interesting and a joy to have.

My husband was left his grandmother's engagement ring.
That was a very thoughtful and romantic gesture.
So our grandson could be left the same diamonds.

Daughters go though the jerky. Take what they like and if there is anything left, to keep the peace, pass to DIL to share.

Daughter and Granddaughters in my family passed the jewellery box around taking a piece at a time.

First of all: This is your decisions. The DIL’s being “up in arms” about it isn’t acceptable.

I would usually expect it to go to the biological children (with some smaller pieces potentially going to possible grandchildren).
DILs might receive some smaller items / for sentiment reasons. Especially if they were particularly close to their MIL (to you).

but it really depends on the specific situation, what you want etc.

Oh yes, one item each went to Mum's special nieces.

The DIlL’s behaviour is even worse in that case! It seems grabby.

and I agree with PPs: it’s very telling that the DD’s are too distraught to even argue. Protect them and don’t give any of the jewellery away.

that’s a good idea as long as there isn’t a specific piece your DDs feel particular about.

happened in my family and an aunt lost out on an item that was unofficially already hers and she cared most about…

That changes the original question.

In which I would expect it all to go to the daughters.

However, I would also pick my battles.

I inherited most of my mums. I gave a few bits to dd and my niece. One piece went to my brother as a keep sake.

I will leave it all to my dd. Except one piece which I will leave to ds.

We have a ring that has been passed down the female line. Except my great grandmother didn’t have daughters so left it to her Dil (my grandmother) with strict intrusions it went to my mum and now, mum is gone, it’s mine.

Surely it depends on the relationships within the family but in the absence of instructions I would split as equally as possible between children (both male and female) and then it's up to them if they want to give them to their own wives or children.

My mother in law had 4 sons. When she died, my father in law gave the nicer/MiL's favourite pieces to his two granddaughters and gave each of the four daughters in law some of the other pieces. I think he sold some of the more expensive pieces and kept very special pieces like her wedding ring. The sons and grandsons didn't seem to mind and us daughters in law certainly weren't expecting to be given anything.

Jewellery always just goes to the daughters in my experience, not daughters in law.

Not in laws but perhaps both sons and daughters. A lot of people have inherited jewellery restyled and sons might do that.

Did the rubbish nieces not get anything?

I would say the daughters might have an opinion when their grief has bedded in a bit and they are less in shock. I would act with this in mind and be cautious. I would act in th e conventional way that protects their emotions and give it to daughters. They can choose to redistribute if they wish when things have settled, but I feel it should be their decision