Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

Mine are listed in my will, to go to my daughter, then onto my granddaughter.

My late husband’s rings and watches are listed to go to my son.

Thats the traditional way, but I suppose it comes down to family dynamics.🙂

In my experience, it always goes to daughters unless there are explicit wishes or a particularly close relationship with DILs also.

Definitely daughters. God knows why DILs are ‘up in arms’. WHY FGS? And how dare they kick up a fuss when people are grieving?

I think it should go to the daughter's. Many years ago my mum gave her grandmother's jewellery to my brother's wife. There was some left for me but mum felt it should be shared with dil. Anyway my brother and his wife got divorced and she kept the jewellery. It really miffed me that she kept it.

I feel that as the farther passed his watches and jewelry to the sons only. It would be best to do the same with the mothers jewelry and pass straight to the daughters.
Maybe when the family has had time to grieve. The daughters can look through the items and decide what they truly want to keep and offer what is left to the SIL to choose an item from. The SIL should be ashamed of this vulture like behavior.

I don't think it's right or fair to exclude grandchildren from sons the right to inherit their grandmother's jewellry, which would be the outcome of sons not inheriting. They have the same relationship to their grandmother as grandchildren from daughters so.

Its caused friction in our family after my my grans jewellery went to the oldest grandaughter only. So my gran had 2 sons only, and the jewellery went to the oldest Son's oldest daughter. Nothing for her younger sister or for me which I found sad. The only male grandchild got the watches from both grandfathers. It all just seems a bit unfair tbh.

My MiL died last year, she left no specific instructions for her jewellery, I assumed her daughters would have it, possibly give some to the granddaughters. Because I had helped sort out her estate, they put out some items and asked me to select something I would like. I thought that was very generous of them, as I was expecting nothing.

So when my nana passed away she had no daughters,so it went to daughter in laws there granddaughters and her actual granddaughters got nothing!

I am the only daughter (2 brothers) and my mum has stipulated her jewellery will be passed to me.

I wouldn't have thought about it as I'm not a jewellery person but she is and it's important to her.

I cannot imagine laying claim to ANY of my MIL things. It will be up to my husband and his sister to decide what to do.

How awful of the DILs if they are behaving like this.

Only daughters. DILs sound selfish and grabby. I couldn't imagine demanding MILs jewellery from SIL upon her death. How awful of them.

My partners grandmother’s jewellery got split between his mum, uncle, him, sister, cousins. My son was born before she died and 1 of his cousins was due not long after so each great-grandchild got something as well. No one got anything from either of my grans as they both made clear everyone could keep what they wanted bit they were taken their jewellery with them lol

Would only normally go to DIL if no daughters/granddaughters or if it was a peice that had historically passed down male line like an engagement ring....but that would already have been done.
I can understand if there are granddaughters....or its very valuable

for me it is most certainly normal for the jewellery either to go to the daughter or to the granddaughters - not to daughters in law and I do not think most daughter-in-laws would expect it

When my mum died, the jewellery was left to me to decide. I gave her wedding ring to my niece, her granddaughter, and she now wears it as hers. Mum’s engagement ring went to her other GD. I kept her Eternity ring in the hope one day my finger won’t be so fat so I can wear it.
But to answer your question, I think it goes to female blood relations, but times may have changed.

In our family there is no criteria for who gets what. My elder sister got to decide what happened to my Mum and Dad's things. She lived with them till they died. My elder sister and I were both married by that time.

The tradition is always daughters and granddaughters. I think it is good to offer DILs a piece if they were close, to acknowledge the relationship. It's not about monetary value or style, its about the memories. Jewellery is so personal, I know my daughter has memories triggered by my jewllery, certain pendants and earrings that she always sees me wearing when she thinks of me, as I did with my grandmother. I have a pendant of my grandmothers, and while I never wear it, I frequently take it out and think of her as I hold it. I know my daugher would want my jewellery and if she chooses to gift peices of it as her grief lessens, that is fine by me. But if someone is not particularly close to the deceased I find it appalling that they would demand something so personal. Very tacky behaviour!

It's not about the DIL though is it? It's about the grandchildren, who shouldn't be penalised because they come from a son and not a daughter. It makes them sound like they are "lesser" grandchildren than any children of a daughter, with no right to inherit this kind of thing.

Daughters and granddaughters - especially given the treatment of the watches. If no granddaughters, daughters get the lot. I don’t know anyone who got jewellery from a MIL.

Perhaps you could make amends with the DiLs by gifting them some large bulky items that you wish to get rid of.

Just to say that I am sorry for your loss.

A family member of my DHs (who had no daughters) left things to her SIL, nieces and me (nephew's wife), I saw the handwritten list of what was to go where.
When it came to distributing it my MIL gave all the nice stuff to the direct relatives and the ugly stuff to me, it wasn't in any way what was on the list for me but there was no way I was about to make a fuss, direct family definitely gets priority.

All I can tell you is how it went in my mum's family.

When Gran died, there were 2 surviving daughters and 3 surviving sons. One of Gran's DDs predeceased her. There were 6 granddaughters total from Gran's 6 children. The only jewelry was Gran's wedding and engagement ring. Mum (the eldest DD) got the engagement ring, Auntie (other surviving DD) got the wedding ring. The other granddaughters were given items of commensurate value. Both mum and her sister are now deceased so the rings went to me and my cousin as their daughters (neither of us has sisters).

Cousin has a DD and Gran's wedding ring will go to her. I have no DD and I don't (as yet) have any DGC. My mum's and my aunt's wishes were for those rings to pass down the 'direct' female line so I wouldn't give it to my DiL. If I have no DGDs the ring will go to my eldest (female) cousin's younger daughter as she has a DD to follow her and I know they would treasure it.

I think the 'problem' with passing things to a DiL is that there might be a chance that the item 'leaves the family' if there is a divorce.

But on the flip side, I got all my late MiL's jewelry. It was mostly costume but included her plain wedding band and what I believe was her mother's wedding ring. She gave it to me before she died and said I was to have it over because DH and I were the ones that cared for her and visited her daily once she went into a care home. DH & I went NC with his brother and family after we found out they used the money for her headstone on themselves.

We never heard from them until about 20 years after MiL's death when we received a letter from the other DiL asking about the jewelry. We never replied.

That all sounds very appropriate. Jewellery is particularly personal.

Oh, I wanted to add....we didn't find out about the headstone for a year as we didn't live locally to the cemetery. DH found out when he visited some friends in his old hometown and went to see MiL's grave. He was deeply upset that his brother had let their mother lie in an unmarked grave and never said a word. DH figured out from the funeral bills & MiL's bank statements that they'd 'appropriated' the money. DH and I paid for MiL's headstone ourselves.