Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

I wouldn't say daughter's were the norm necessarily but given your extra information I'd say Daughter's only. The only other proviso would be if there are any Granddaughters? DILs response would make more sense in that situation otherwise its a bit grabby of them.
If there are Granddaughters Id give at least 1 piece to each Granddaughter and rest to her Daughter's.

I’d say it goes to daughters and granddaughters. In this case, to the daughters.

@DeathNote11 - DF has a lovely half hunter watch - that Is ( not in the will but just by Df saying so ) to go to DBro . I suspect DM's jewellery will come to me and then I can give some to DSIL But until that happens I am not worrying too much . When my great aunt died my mother was the only one who took care of her ( dementia ) . As soon as she died all the cousins arrived and said Oh Aunty wanted me to have this ( jewellery box raided ) . People can be strange

My will is written that my jewellery is to go to my daughters, with the exception of one piece to each d.i.l of their own choosing, meaning that each d.i.l will choose which piece they want themselves.

If there were only a few pieces of sentimental value I’d say daughters only, but if there was a substantial amount I’d want to be fair to my sons, and any female children and grandchildren they might have. In your case it sounds as if they already have been fair, with your DF’s stuff.

I was surprised to be left a brooch by my DMIL, particularly as she had left other bits (furniture etc) to my DH while his sister had the jewellery. We always got on well though so it‘s nice to have.

I only have a sister so expected to split my DM’s jewellery with her, but found myself having to force a couple of pieces on her - she isn’t at all a jewellery person and only has DSs so didn’t see the point! I pointed out that her DSs might have DDs though, or wives, so she did accept some bits in the end!

I’d prioritise daughters over DILs.

Im expecting some of my mum’s jewlery when she passes but definitely not expecting any of my MILs.

My mum got a ring from her MIL (a Ruby one) but only because my dad is an only child.

DILs aren’t entitled to expect anything, unless it’s in the will.
As the items are of low value
The general rule of thumb is daughters get their mums jewellery and watches and sons get the dads.

The DILs have their own mums to inherit from
Just ignore them OP, especially as your dbs will get your dads

I’d say pick one nice thing for each DIL - something you think she might actually wear - and give the rest to the daughters. DILs aren’t entitled to it, IMO, but it’s a nice gesture.

Agree - daughters. Keep it in your family.

I think it’s quite common for the son/DIL to choose 1 item (especially if there is a grand daughter) and the rest to go to the daughters.

Perhaps different in your situation because of the watches.

If they get to chose before your daughters then what happens if a dd of yours has a particular attachment to a piece and your DILs take it.

As a thought my aunt, no children, identified pieces for each of her nieces.
The pieces that hadn’t been chosen by her she told us (in her will) that we had to take turns choosing, She even told us how to decide who goes first by playing Rock Paper Scissors🤣🤣🤣 she had the last laugh there.

I was the only daughter. To be honest I took the jewellery and having taken what I wanted, I passed the remaining jewellery onto my SIL (so the DIL) to choose what she wanted. I also pulled out a silver chain for my niece (granddaughter). But I kept her engagement rings and pieces from my grandmother - I only passed on costume jewellery. I've yet to decide what I will do with it in my will - I only have sons.

When my MIL died the only thing I asked for were her Yorkshire pudding pans, which I still use. Her jewellery went my to my SIL and her daughters.

I thought that stuff was part of the estate, so would be distributed in the will? If not, and you are in charge, then I would say blood relative females first. If you like the others and don't want to fall out, maybe offer them some of the pieces once you/ other closer women have taken your favourites.

I’ve already told my dd that her db is just as entitled to my jewellery as she is.
In an age of equality why should dd’s get first pick?
When my mil died it was assumed by her dd that she could take not only for herself but her two dd’s. The other two dgd’s being the offspring of the sons didn’t count!

Both daughters and sons, as the theory is the sons can then pass down to any daughters that have/may have. If the sons don’t have any daughters in the future, the right thing to do is to pass back over to his sister/s. However, you will get the odd Wally who just hands it over to his wife(DIL) but it’s called not being able to control from the grave or something similar.

The general rule of thumb is daughters get their mums jewellery and watches and sons get the dads

That rule is dead. It was only in previous times where watches were a forever thing. Nowadays no son is going to want his father’s Apple watch when it will be redundant within 2 years.

Is there a norm?

My jewellery will pass to my ds who can decide for himself who he gives it to. Or if I have a grand daughter before I die, I'll leave it to her.

I'd say it depends how close the DILs were.

My mum was gifted a diamond ring by her MIL. There was no suggestion it would go to the blood daughter.

But then my mum was very much liked by her MIL.

I would think daughters, unless the DILs had a particularly good relationship with the person who passed away. Maybe give a ring to the DS (imagining them putting it away for future daughters or on a chain around their neck, or obviously to do with as they wish). But, no, not direct to DIL.

That’s the rule we went by
However we did have watches, cufflinks, shirt studs, rings ( including wedding )
plus all the grandfathers stuff too. So quite a hoard tbh

keep them safe for a while and once everything is a bit more settled ask daughters, if daughters wouldn’t like any then ask granddaughters

@BarryfromWatford it's irrelevant whether my daughter's are attached to particular pieces or not, my daughter in laws get to choose the pieces they want.

Daughter's get Mom's jewelry and if they wish to offer any of it to DIL's, then it's up to them. But jewelry is sentimental and/or heirloom and should be given to the daughters, who hopefully will have DDs to pass it on to down the line.

Daughters and grand children (typically daughters).

Any jewelry gift to DILs should be given whilst the person is still living or dictated in will.

personally, I would never dream of taking any of my in laws jewelry unless it was explicitly spelled out.

Traditionally, a mothers jewelery goes to her daughters.

This comes from when married women were not allowed to own anything in their own name unless they were widows. No matter what they inherited from their parents, they were only allowed to own and pass on personal items including jewelery. Its also why expensive engagement rings, wedding rings, tiaras etc were so important as sometimes that was all a woman had to her name if he buggered off.

Let them kick off, and share it between her daughters.

ETA misread, thought you were a third dd.