Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

I would never expect MIL to gift her jewellery to me! I'd find it rude that they are up in arms.

That is truly disgusting behaviour. So sorry.

Daughters 1000000%. My DH has a brother and MIL has explicitly said that her jewellery will go to her granddaughters (not me) why would it go to me?!

Your bling, your decision.

If the jewellery is only costume jewellery then it shouldn't really matter. In any case, it's your decision.

The best solution I heard of was when a lady willed for her jewellery to br poured out onto the kitchen table and for her heirs to fight over it.

I think that’s actually less unusual than it sounds ( minus the detail of the table). A lot of will rattlers seem to like to draw out the process with plenty of opinions ( aka requests) being sought; and then they just throw it all open in the will so that everyone can fight again. Go not gently into that good night I guess.

I would have been surprised and upset if my sisters in law had asked for any of my mum's jewellery. To daughters and granddaughters if there are any. But if the DILs are acting like this it suggests something else is going on. A death can have the effect of bringing hidden family resentments to the surface, in my experience. Maybe something between the daughters and daughters in law or sons and daughters. Not your issue though.

There's hardly much information given here about the daughters in law but if none of its of any real value (& presumably not sentimental enough for the 'blood daughters' to have not already have just come round & collected it) & theyve been purposely left out then I can very well imagine they are in fact 'up in arms'

As for the OP literally 15 pages of almost the exact same infomation & not a single.... thanks, it's been sorted now.... is a bit odd

I wouldn't expect anything from my MILs jewellery, even though we have a good relationship. It would go to her daughters and if they want to give anything to my DD (MILs granddaughter) then it would be nice, but not expected.

"not sentimental enough" for the daughters to have not collected it yet???

Or...more probably (speaking as someone whose mother passed away last year) they assume basic human decency from the daughters in law, and don't realise that there's any need to rush to remove their mother's possessions.

My point remains that there's literally no information about these women & the daughters should have known/mother should have stated her wishes beforehand.

If none of its of high value just hand it over to the girls (daughters)/children(sons & daughters) & let them sort it out

I've got my grandmothers engagement ring. Never wear it, it's thin, worn out, my memory is she had a happy marriage but I'd pick the wedding photo over it.

Does anyone actually wear all this bequeathed jewellery? I don't even wear costume jewellery I bought 15years ago, let alone the ott Rocco set I bought in 1990 in Selfridge's.

My MIL has got some bits she wears a lot, it's that solid, chunky stuff that older women rock. Arguably it would suit 50 year old me more than my waif like daughters. I've also known my MIL now for longer than I have not known her. I remember her buying bits, celebrating occasions, so I guess it's a. Bit of a claim.

Bottom line is I don't really want it, jewellery goes through fashions just as jean shapes change and I don't really want the clutter from my own mum let alone other people's.

Do people quietly sell it? Or does it just get hoarded until the provenance is forgotten?

Does anyone actually wear all this bequeathed jewellery?

I've had some of it re-made into new jewellery.

I wear the earrings my MIL gave me early. If I had a ring I'd get it remade at some point.

"Bottom line is I don't really want it, jewellery goes through fashions just as jean shapes change and I don't really want the clutter from my own mum let alone other people's. Do people quietly sell it? Or does it just get hoarded until the provenance is forgotten?"

Hmmm, yes I do wear my late mum's jewellery, along with my nanna's engagement ring (not all at the same time) but I've also been wearing the exact same style jeans for decades, so maybe that's a factor...

I’m not sure being an estate executor works like that. There are procedures to be followed. You don’t just pile in like a buffet meal and load up what you fancy - unless of course the Will specifies that.

As he had no daughters, my DF left all my late DM's jewellery to his grandaughters. The DILs were skipped entirely.

Stand firm, DILs have no right to jewellery.