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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

367 replies

DeathNote11 · 29/01/2024 00:50

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

OP posts:
CaramelMac · 30/01/2024 20:27

If you have no instructions then it goes to the residual beneficiaries and they decide what to do with it between themselves.

MadMadaMim · 30/01/2024 21:19

Only sons got dad's watches /jewellery
No grandchildren

Based on the above, I'd say daughter's only

SeeTheOtherSide · 30/01/2024 22:14

Daughters or if there are none then granddaughters. DIL have their own mothers to pass on to them and I just don’t think the sentiment or value remains otherwise

threatmatrix · 30/01/2024 22:16

My partners mother has loads of really expensive jewellery, would I even dream I was entitled to any? Definitely not it, should got to her daughter.

Onestepbeyonnd · 30/01/2024 22:23

Goes to the daughter/s, they can then pass to their daughters.
if there’s a few bits then you might want to give granddaughters something (necklace), if there’s little then don’t.

my mother just died, I’ve got her 3 rings. She had a lot of necklaces so I have given my nieces a necklace each.

IncompleteSenten · 30/01/2024 22:24

I think it should go only to people who wouldn't disappear from your life if their relationship ended.

FairfaxAikmann · 30/01/2024 22:27

Entirely up to the original owner.

My gran has a piece set aside for her cleaner!
Others for her nieces. My sister and I are her only grandchildren (no daughters) and are getting a couple of bits only as far as I'm aware.

Similarly my MIL plans to give me at least one piece.

Not up to me/us.

SD1978 · 30/01/2024 22:27

The bulk to blood relations, maybe one piece each for the DIL's. If it's sentimental then I do believe it should be kept in the family, with the intention that it's handed down, with DIL's, the marriage breaks down the jewellery then leaves the family too.

IWouldRatherBeOnHoliday · 30/01/2024 22:30

Personally I would give jewellery to daughters, and perhaps when they are less distraught they can decide if they eat to gift anything on their SIL?

DIL should not be up in arms, they have no entitlement whatsoever!

soundsys · 30/01/2024 22:34

Yep daughters and possibly granddaughters m. Maybe nieces. (I'm basing this really on who I have inherited jewellery from!)

I wouldn't expect to inherit jewellery from my MIL as it wouldn't have the same sentimental link for me (much as she is a wonderful woman!)

Portakalkedi · 30/01/2024 22:44

Daughters and granddaughters. Given the brief length of many relationships these days, DILs could be out of the picture at some time in the future, so better to keep in the direct family. I'm sure my MIL will be leaving hers to her daughter, and I wouldn't expect different,.

SoHereBesMe · 30/01/2024 22:57

I imagine daughters, only DIL if there was a very close relationship with her. I wouldn't expect anything from my MIL as I don't have a good relationship with her. On the other hand, I could see my mum leaving a little something to my SIL as theyre close and mum thinks the world of her.

On the most part YANBU

doorbellringer2 · 30/01/2024 23:20

DIL of nearly 20 years here. Get on really well with MIL, I love her dearly.

I would never dream of asking for anything from MIL jewellery box, when the awful time comes.

Lots of it is old family jewellery, I consider sentimental value more important than financial. She has 2 daughters and 3 fairly recently bought rings. She said one of them is due to me, and I really appreciate the sentiment. But if SIL’s decide it should go to one of their daughters instead, that’s fine by me. I would understand.

Tbh, we expect one of the SIL to lay a bigger claim to the whole estate. She uses the excuse that she has to take care of her perfectly capable parents, rather than go to work. That’s their business.

I’m so proud of DH who says, he would rather PIL enjoyed spending the lot - I couldn’t agree more. They have worked hard for everything they have.
We just wouldn’t get into a crass war, fighting over a loved one’s belongings.

I am an estate agent and it never fails to disappoint me - just how greedy and grabby family members get, when a “loved one” has passed. It actually makes me sick

Cantrushart · 30/01/2024 23:32

My mother's jewellery was taken by my brother who has two sons. I have a daughter. We haven't spoken since.

BreakingAndBroke · 30/01/2024 23:34

Given how most people on Mumsnet talk about their MILs, I'm surprised the DILs want anything at all from her!

I would say it is usual for jewellery to be passed to daughters (or granddaughters). I would think most DILs wouldn't expect jewellery unless their were no daughters or granddaughters or nieces (ie. Other female blood relations) in the equation.

toomuchfaff · 30/01/2024 23:42

Daughters, every day of the week!

DIL being cheeky af expecting any different. When the DIL mum dies is the DIL splitting the proceeds with SIL? Is SIL in for any of their mothers jewels? No... daughters and grand daughters. Without question.

KnickerlessParsons · 30/01/2024 23:43

My MIL's jewellry was split amongst her four children (two boys and two girls). DH got her engagement ring, which I now wear. It'll go to one of our children one day.

Sceptre86 · 30/01/2024 23:48

I'm asian so it might be different. I have no expectation of jewellery from my mil but there are 3 granddaughters and a niece that I think she will gift to. She gave dd1 a gold set of earrings of hers when she turned 5. My own mum has already set aside her favourite pieces for us 3 girls but there is a set she intends to give her dil and grandaughters. She has also given her niece one of her bracelets. Mum has also said she wants me to have her engagement ring, dsis1 her eternity ring and dsis2 her wedding band.My auntie has no daughters but has given jewellery to my sisters and I. She has also set a piece aside for her 3 dils and some for her granddaughters. For my own view I would like my jewellery to be shared between my two girls in the first instance. I hope all 3 kids have children of their own and I would like to share some pieces with my granddaughters, for instance I have earrings that my paternal gran gave me for my 16th birthday that I would like to give to my son's dd should he have one. My dil should I have one will be gifted jewellery on her wedding but I would buy new for her.

I also firmly believe that it's up to your friend in this instance.

savethatkitty · 31/01/2024 01:18

Daughters and/or grand daughters.
Never heard of anything ridiculous like DIL getting a share - presumably dil has own mothers jewelry to inherit

FindingNeverland28 · 31/01/2024 04:47

My mum sat me down with her jewellery box when she was sorting her will (she’s in her 60s and very much alive and kicking). I had ‘first dibs’ of her jewellery and then helped her choose which SIL got the other pieces based on their tastes. One brother and SIL live away, so having us choose for them was the fairest way.

comfyshoes2022 · 31/01/2024 04:53

Going against the grain here, but I would expect jewelry to be split equally amongst the children regardless of their gender. In that sense only, a DIL might get something via her husband if the husband decided to give it to her.

Alwaysbeyou · 31/01/2024 04:57

My mum is so mad that she gave a valuable ring of her mother's to my brother for his now ex wife's engagement ring.
He promised he'd get it back to pass to either his daughter or maternal niece but his ex sold it .

neighboursmustliveon · 31/01/2024 07:09

When my Nana passed all her Jewellery went to her two daughters. Although my mum always said her wedding, engagement and eternity ring would go to me and my brothers (I negotiated for her engagement as it was nicer and have that already - parents divorced in the 80’s).

I know mum has a fair bit of mostly costume jewellery now she only had one daughter (me) but lots of granddaughters. Personally unthinking the jewellery should be shared between us and not my sisters in law.

My mother in law has one DD and one GD (my DD). She hasn’t mentioned what she will do with her jewellery but I don’t expect anything.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 31/01/2024 07:39

comfyshoes2022 · 31/01/2024 04:53

Going against the grain here, but I would expect jewelry to be split equally amongst the children regardless of their gender. In that sense only, a DIL might get something via her husband if the husband decided to give it to her.

I would expect that to happen if the father had done the same.

the father however explicitly stated that all his jewellery (watches, cufflinks etc.) should go to the sons and the daughters didn’t receive anything.

the mother’s jewellery should therefore be split amongst the daughters.

2024namechange · 31/01/2024 07:44

My mum has recently dug out three rings that used to belong to her mother. She has three children - me (f) and my two brothers.

Of the rings she asked me which one I liked best and that’s getting cleaned and resized for me. My SIL who has been married to my brother for 7 years and we all love dearly was asked to choose another one.

The final ring is for my other brother’s partner at such time when his relationship is serious enough that it wouldn’t be a weird gesture. He has a gf but they have only just moved in together renting so it’s not the time yet. When they get engaged or buy somewhere she will get the final ring.