Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

As others have said daughters not daughters in law.

I am only inheriting from my DMIL as she has no daughters, her sisters have both predeceased her, her only living niece hasn’t bothered to make contact since her parents (DMIL sister and BIL)died 10 years ago and her ex DIL is telling DGD to sell any jewellery she is given as granny is a horrible person. DMIL knows I’m a safe pair of hands who will treasure anything I’m given.

You can leave individual items to anyone you want.

My MIL's jewellery was all part of her estate, but her three male siblings were happy for her to have all the jewellery. She didn't want some of it and offered it to me - I sat up with DH all night during MIL's last few hours and I think it was her way of saying 'thank you'. MIL wouldn't have wanted her other DIL to receive anything and we were all aware of that.

I've left everything to DH at the moment, but have said I'd like my DD to have any jewellery she'd like and my Mum to have an item.

I personally believe that the “DIL’s up in arms” are behaving in an exceptionally crass manner.

In my family when my Gran passed away her jewellery was split between her daughters and grandchildren.

When my MIL died, I was given two brooches which had been gifted to DMIL by my DH. Neither was valuable, but both had sentimental value. I had helped DH choose one of them.

The jewellery should go to the daughters. It's pretty unseemly for the DIL to be 'up in arms' about it.

My dm was quite definite that her jewellery would pass to my brother for his dd.

On that basis, the daughters should have their mother's jewellery. Perhaps the DiLs need reminding of what happened when their FiL died.

Our Mum died last year and her jewellery was given to my sister and I, but we did invited our sister-in-law to choose a couple of pieces she liked. When Dad died, my brother got all his things, sis and I got nothing.

Interestingly my MIL (who only had sons) has some lovely jewellery.

There is me and another DIL.

My SIL has daughters, I don't. I am assuming most of the jewellery will go to them. I wouldn't mind a ring or a necklace though.

My dm has said I will have first choice then granddaughters and sil. I imagine my mil will leave jewellery to her granddaughters (she only has sons). I’m not expecting it… but she’s only early 60s so we have a while. (Hopefully)

I agree with PP who say it does depend on the relationship. I am estranged from my family so will not inherit and having been married for 25 years, and taking DHs name, my in laws have been more of a family to me. Also I could not have birth children, we have adopted, and so family for me does not boil down to flesh and blood, quite literally, I don't have any blood connections. It has been made very clear to me that I am not in the will at all and whilst I would not expect to inherit anything of financial worth, I do feel sad that I'm not included at all. I helped nurse FIL as he died and have been MILs first port of call emotionally speaking since FIL died. SIL 1 is amazing day to day in practical matters and SIL2 lives abroad so is limited. If it makes me grabby to want to be acknowledged in some small way then I guess I'm grabby but I can't help that I feel a bit hurt.

Daughters, and only daughters.

It appears to be more about money and gender than anything, and the DIL's 'benefitted' from their husbands' receiving watches and jewellery from their dad. It's not the daughters' time to received their mother's jewellery; they certainly don't have to share it with their sister in laws, who have their own mothers.

Jewellery has been willed to daughters and granddaughters in my family.

My paternal aunt actually has all of my Gran’s jewellery (there was meant to be a division with my sister and I) but I expect time will sort it out.

OMG of course daughters only! How disgustingly grabby when you've lost your Mum! My MIL passed away a couple of years ago and it never crossed my mind to start looting her jewellery box or demanding her jewellery from her greiving daughters! I had a good relationship with her but she wasn't my Mum.

The only exception is if MIL had a very close relationship with DILs and specifically told them about items she wanted them to have. Yes don't give them a bloody thing, especially if your Dad didn't give any items to your husband.

My will states one of my sons gets my engagement ring (widowed). It is a really good big stone so I will probably give it to him if he gets engaged and he can have it reset if he likes. Our family tradition is that the eldest son gets the engagement ring if applicable. Youngest gets his dad’s Rolex which i sometimes wear. My daughter gets everything else. There is also a gold watch which belonged to my great grandfather which goes to the eldest son in each generation

Up in arms about something that wasn't their parents property? The DILs sound like the very definition of gold diggers.

I never thought about that. Agree that DILs shouldn’t expect anything but isn’t it a bit
unfair for sons to say it all goes to daughters/grand daughters?

A man’s watches/jewellery are usually significantly less expensive than all of his wife’s jewellery. And the son might have a daughter one day. I would say jewellery should be divided as part of the estate division, ie when everybody decides who get each piece of furniture, art etc.

(no skin the game, I only have sisters!)

Then it’s a no brainier. The jewellery goes to the dd’s. Although I don’t necessarily think it’s always this clear cut.

Fwiw, my dm passed suddenly with no will. She had already distributed certain pieces that she no longer wore to me and dsis, as well as promised an item to my dd. The remaining jewellery was split between us but we did ask db to have a look through to see if there was anything he wanted for his dd. He chose a ring with his dp and asked if he could give it to his dp as an engagement ring. My dsis was very upset but I thought that my dm might be quite touched so I agreed. My df’s jewellery was given to db but that consisted only of his watch. I thought it was important that dniece had something too.

I don’t know but you dont have to rush it. Give all the DDs and Dils a chance to grieve and revisit it in 3 -6 months time. One thing I learned from bereavement—— don’t act in haste.

most of my jewelry goes to my daughter. I have one granddaughter and one daughter in law. I have already told my daughter that when I pass, it is hers to do as she choses , but she has a son, as does my son and daughter in law, and should they wish to propose to their future spouse with one of my rings, I would be honored. This will be our daughters choice to make whether she keeps or gifts any of my jewelry. I am leaving one of my bracelets to my wonderful daughter in law. She has borrowed it for her wedding so I do believe it should go to her. It was her something borrowed..something blue. It is a gorgeous sapphire and diamond tennis bracelet and in my mind it is already hers. I think I may just gift it to her at some point in the future, so I can see her enjoy it!!

Daughters or granddaughters , unless the person giving is or has been particularly close to their DIL . My MIL has started giving bits to my daughter .

Traditionally, daughters only (could vary this to include granddaughters by a son, if desired) because a woman's jewellery was one of the only items that belonged to her in law, everything else was technically her husband's property. So women needed a stock of wealth, basically.

Nowadays I'd still favour daughters (because father's jewellery/watch/cufflinks would go to sons first and not usually be expected to pass to daughters/SILs), but I would probably include the son to get something too if there was a selection - expecting his wife to actually wear it, not him. Not first pick though.

If there was a lot of expensive jewellery that was going to one daughter, the sons/other siblings should get other things/money to balance it out, so they each get the same value in "keepsakes plus cash" from the estate at the end of probate - it isn't "cash splits 4 ways plus oldest daughter gets an extra box of gold".

My mum's 3 most valuable pieces went to my sister, my daughter and I. Her other granddaughter and my eldest son's wife both got a smaller piece. My mum wanted her beautiful diamond eternity ring to go to my daughter because she had helped so much while my mum was ill. So daughters, granddaughters and gdil, but not dil because they really didn't get on and my sil didn't want anything to do with it.

I have got all my gran's jewelry except her wedding rings, which my mum has. Nobody has questioned it so mum and I haven't said anything. I am the only one who would treat it with the respect it deserves and not just flog it. Knowing this, she started giving me things while she was alive (just in case it gets lost by accident when the nurses/carers come in and tidy up, etc - bless her, she wasn't daft).

I only have a daughter and am myself an only daughter (brother is also disabled and will never marry or have children), but would say normally that jewellery should pass to daughters and/or grand daughters. That said, it can ultimately be given to whoever the owner of the jewellery wants!

If I had a son and a good relationship with my DIL then I would be more than happy to gift her jewellery - but whilst keeping most of my pieces to give to my daughter/any future grand daughter.

My own grandmother gave all her (substantial) fine jewellery collection to my mother, who then passed it all to me. This was despite her having two sons and an excellent relationship with her two DILs. I imagine that she felt this is what was expected at the time, maybe a cultural thing? Not sure.