Does a mother's jewelry traditionally pass to daughters or daughters & DILs?

[DeathNote11]

Looking for opinions & experiences please.

What's the etiquette/norm when no instructions are left due to the death being sudden? Does jewellery usually go to the daughters only, or an equal split between daughters and DILs? No high value items. I'm expected to make a decision on distribution, I always thought it went to daughters but the 2 DILs are up in arms. The 2 daughters are too distraught to give an opinion. DILs both have mothers of their own & there was no special relationship between them & my friend.

YABU - Daughters & DILs is the norm
YANBU - Daughters is the norm

All of my jewellery and watches will go to my daughter. My son will get stuff from his dad.

I wouldn’t want anything of my MIL’s even if it was offered! But I’m not a fan of her work anyway 😂

I think it’s a bloody cheek for the DIL’s to be getting pissy, and actually quite bad taste.

YANBU

Ours is split between the daughters, with a piece for each son to pass to there future children. No one has children yet.

My late MIL left a piece to me, specifically mentioned in her will. The rest went to her daughter as is right in my opinion. My SIL gave me 6 sets of pearls, we have no idea why my lovely MIL had so many lol.

When my FIL died my husband inherited his jewellery.

my will leaves my jewellery split between my daughters and stepdaughter. The pieces passed to me from my own grandmother to my girls, the pieces from MIL to her granddaughter.

Except the pearls lol. The pearls have been given to each child/DIL on their wedding day. Not to wear but just as a gift lol.

DiL’s should wind their necks in tbh. When my MiL passed, I didn’t expect or receive anything at all but she wasn’t one for jewellery. All went to SIL as it should have. My MiL bought all of the granddaughters a jewellery gift before she died which was lovely for the girls.

on the other hand, when my paternal GM died last year, most of her jewellery had already gone to my cousin. My GM had a lot of jewellery, some quite high end, most semi precious costume (quartz, topaz etc). My cousin ended up with all of it, 4 granddaughters and one got it all. Even the (not cheap) earrings my sisters and I had bought for her 80th birthday, cousin wore them at GM funeral.

YANBU

I've never heard of DILs being entitled to get their hands on their MIL's jewellery! I'd be furious if my DB's partner tried to take my DM's jewellery when she passes.

New worry unlocked

I'd say items for to daughters.

If a DIL bought a particular item then I would say that she could maybe have it back.

When my mum died I shared all the jewellery with female family members. I got a lovely card made with a picture of my mum and a message to say "a little reminder of me" and sent them to cousins, neighbours, nieces etc. They were all delighted. Why would I (the only daughter) want her jewellery? None of it was valuable and none of it was my style.

We split the jewellery between my brother and I. The jewellery my mum had and my auntie. So I don’t think there is etiquette. Just what people think is right at the time. We each picked something we liked etc.

but if people are upset. Why not just wait to decide? Is there any rush?

It should be split between children and if a DS they can choose whether to give to their children. When my MIL died jewellery when to DN’s (SIL had already died) and to DH, he kept a few bits but the rest of his half was spilt between our DD’s. The bits he kept are for when they are older. When my DNan died jewellery was spilt between my DM and DU and DM spilt hers between me and DS. I think DU’s half when to cousins.

Daughters only. Tell the daughters in law where to go

My grandmother died recently. She left a specific ring to each of her daughters (she didn’t have any sons) and each of her grandchildren (3 girls and a boy). My male cousin was told he could give it to his long term partner but he’s chosen to wear it on his little finger as it’s a plain chunky gold band. I have no expectations of any Jewellery from my husband’s family as he has 3 sisters.

A mother's jewellery traditionally goes to her daughter(s) and grandaughers if she has any. This is a white British tradition although may be dying out a bit. She might leave a specific piece for a well loved DIL but it is not usually expected.

Daughters only (and maybe Grandaughters). DILs are CF!!! My Gran was the only girl amongst 4 brothers, so she got all the jewellery, my Mum then in turn got it along with my Gran’s jewellery as she only had a brother. Hence why now, my sister wears our Great-Gran’s wedding ring and I wear our Gran’s. My Gran’s SILs all inherited THEIR own Mum’s/Gran’s stuff. I’m a DIL, I wouldn’t dream that my MIL would leave me any of her jewels, I fully expect to rightly go to my two SILs!

When my mother in law passed away she had a few little nice pieces, and her husband (my husband and SIL’s stepdad) gave some to my SIL. I as DIL received nothing, and nor would I have expected to.

I think I'm right in saying that if someone doesn't leave a will, the next of kin inherit their estate.

Will is paramount.
If individual pieces are not specified, them strictly speaking, any items of value should be sold and proceeds divided as per the instructions for cash.

My MIL has said the main bits of her jewellery will go to my SIL (her eldest & only dd) and to my daughters. There has been mentions on what she'd pass to me, however, I've said it's not mine to have. I understand she wants to pass it on but if I was to receive anything,it would be put away for my dd (her granddaughters) she is aware of this. I didn't marry my husband for what I could get off his parents.

Daughters! Absolutely! My Mum died last year and as her only daughter I sorted out her jewellery with my Dad. A precious ring I know she wanted me to have, and I do. It feels strange but it’s mine to treasure and for my daughter one day too. I choose some rings for her nieces she adored and a Rolex watch for my brother’s girlfriend who never ever once made any suggestion that she wanted anything. It was lovely to choose who might like what and I know my Mum would have approved. Please prioritise her daughters here, it’s so thoughtless of her DIL’s to be making a noise about this.

DILS have no rights unless especially mentioned by deceased MIL. Jewellery is part of the estate. The estate will be part of probate. The priority expense of probate will be cost of burial. If there is no will, everyone can scratch each other's eyes out and all hire solicitors. But only after burial costs have been met.

My late Mum's wedding ring went to one of my nieces. I have no idea why but it still grates.

When my mil passed suddenly, my sil and gds got all her jewellery except for a bracelet which my lovely sil gifted me.

I think offering something or letting them choose a piece is pretty normal. The DB could possibly pick something for his wife or children. It was him Mum too! You really don't need all the jewellery of a Mum.

My mother was very close to her MIL, my grandmother, and did an equal amount of caring for her in her old age as her actual daughters. My dad had predeceased her. After her death there were 5 lovely rings which went to her 2 daughters, DIL and 2 granddaughters as well as a few other bits which were then shared. Mum, my cousin and I allowed her daughters first choice, but it was so special to all have something. We were together at Christmas and it was touching to see us all wearing the rings together. I guess it depends on the particular family and the relationships within it, but I’m surprised at the strength of YABU feeling here.