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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awful gift off DP and he’s being precious about it!

348 replies

Gertrood · 28/01/2024 19:37

My birthday yesterday. DP handed me a gift which turned out to be a hideous charm bracelet - clearly meant for children. Made from pure metal. I don’t wear jewellery at the best of times but would have worn something decent on special occasions - this however I would never wear. I’m normally a very grateful person but I half thought this was a joke until I saw how proud of himself he was so I said “it’s a lovely thought but I don’t really wear jewellery”. He said “well you’ll have to wear this as it cost me a lot of money, anyway you’ve not opened the other one yet” - so I opened the other one and it was a small bag of metal charms. Awfully childish and generic ones like a stiletto, a little metal car!? A unicorn!!!

So I said “as I said, it’s a nice thought but I won’t wear this, it’s for children” he said “it’s not for children! You dont have to wear all the charms but I do insist you wear this one that I chose especially” - it was a charm saying “true love” 🤦‍♀️ I’m getting annoyed at this point and say “you chose that one especially? So the others were just bought in bulk?” So he said “no, they were all different sets and I chose this one for you”.

I explained that charms on a bracelet are meant to at least resemble something to the owner. This stuff couldn’t be more opposite to what I’m like. I’ve never worn a stiletto in my life - I have no interest in cars - I don’t have a thing for unicorns!!??

Si anyway I said “I’m sorry if you spent a lot of money on it but I won’t wear it, it’s not me at all” I then suggested he give it to his daughter (12). He said he can’t do that as hes bought her the same one already!!

He’s in a huff about it but AIbU to think this was really bloody thoughtless? I’d have rather got nothing at all. It’s tacky as hell. The best bit, I looked at his eBay account where I guessed it was from and it cost him £2.99 - the charms were a job lot for £3 including the one he “chose especially”

OP posts:
splatmouse · 29/01/2024 10:43

Sometimes 'all's well that ends well' this time just 'all's well that ends'.

Good riddance.

Loubelle70 · 29/01/2024 10:44

One of those guys who buy cheapest crappiest present but tells everyone who wont see it that he bought you a silver charm bracelet..to make him look good. Manipulator.
Have you got time to buy a poo emoji charm ...cheap one.. wrap it separate in tissue for him 'i thought you'd like this...its so you' note. Place it alongside the expensive bracelet he got you when you give it back

MissersMercer · 29/01/2024 10:45

Sounds hideous. He can't like you much, it must be a joke. Glad you got rid.

NewBrightonEel · 29/01/2024 10:47

Bet he saves it for his next girlfriend

Hecatoncheires · 29/01/2024 10:47

Good for you, OP. You deserve better. Don't let him suck you back in - keep your gift of freedom!

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2024 10:59

Gertrood · 29/01/2024 10:02

In a rush but quick update, I’ve ended it. Best bit, he’s insisted on having the bracelet back 😂😂 gladly!

Oh good for you op. Great update.

As a collective, the more we stop tolerating this shitty behaviour from men, maybe they'll learn. Maybe.

SophieB0012 · 29/01/2024 11:00

Lol

martinisforeveryone · 29/01/2024 11:00

Gertrood · 29/01/2024 10:07

I’ll update properly later on but this was just the final straw in a long line of lying and controlling behaviour

So much for the ‘specially chosen’ True Love charm.

On the other hand, valuable gift after all because it forced you into calling time when you already knew you should.

All power to the year ahead @Gertrood 💐

Blondebutnotlegally · 29/01/2024 11:01

Must admit I'd be pretty disappointed in my parenting if my daughter got given a cheap gift and she got in an argument calling it "embarrassing".

PeggySooo · 29/01/2024 11:01

I'm absolutely laughing my head off that he wanted that tat back.

Good for you OP.

My ex bought me similar but we were young and had only been together a month so I wasn't bothered. Never wore it but said thanks and put it away!

TackyTimes · 29/01/2024 11:01

Sorry, you can't have it back. As it was so expensive I decided to sell it on eBay.

I've put the reserve as 36p. I'm sure the bidding war will start any minute!

Sherrycat · 29/01/2024 11:04

I bet he wants it back so you can’t show people how utterly shite it was!

Springcleaninginsummer · 29/01/2024 11:08

He doesn't get it back as it was a gift. I wonder if he is going to claim that he gave you an expensive piece and you have returned something of lesser value. If you are sure that it is rubbish then keep it as proof of what he gave you.

WhiskersPete · 29/01/2024 11:11

Good for you OP!

VoleChomper · 29/01/2024 11:12

Well that was quite the ride!

It's like when you're 14 and you split up with your boyfriend and he demands you give him back the naff teddy he won for you at the fairground.

Andthereyougo · 29/01/2024 11:13

I was thinking Pandora until I saw £2.99. He should be truly embarrassed.
Was he having a dig +/- £5 is really cheapskate.

wronginalltherightways · 29/01/2024 11:15

It cost him a lot he says, after spending essentially a fiver on crap. That he only 'found' because he bought the same for an actual child, his daughter.

What a charmer.

What do you see in him, OP. He clearly doesn't value you at all.

Justleaveitblankthen · 29/01/2024 11:17

Oh, I didn't see how much he actually paid 😶‍🌫️
Outrageous cheapskate!

wronginalltherightways · 29/01/2024 11:20

Gertrood · 29/01/2024 10:02

In a rush but quick update, I’ve ended it. Best bit, he’s insisted on having the bracelet back 😂😂 gladly!

Well done for uncovering yet more evidence he's a stroppy 12 year old emotionally.

You are well rid, no doubt.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/01/2024 11:23

Loubelle70 · 29/01/2024 10:44

One of those guys who buy cheapest crappiest present but tells everyone who wont see it that he bought you a silver charm bracelet..to make him look good. Manipulator.
Have you got time to buy a poo emoji charm ...cheap one.. wrap it separate in tissue for him 'i thought you'd like this...its so you' note. Place it alongside the expensive bracelet he got you when you give it back

Edited

Ha Ha. Or a silver coloured Middle Finger charm ( from a joke shop)
He probably won't even notice it for a while. but when he does 😂

It was his air of injury that got me. Probably thinks all women are like Magpies, spellbound by shiny objects, and is proud of his cleverness in getting away with a minimal birthday spend and annoyed that you weren't dazzled.

MellowMC · 29/01/2024 11:27

@Gertrood I am glad to hear you have ended it! I was going to ask you about other behaviours of his or things he said, that were a bit “off” or made you get the ick or just didn’t make sense? Without wanting to sound too dramatic, he sounds like a (covert) narcissist and a classic sign is this weird gift giving, where they clearly don’t seem to be “getting” you or even seem to know you and which just ends up upsetting you and ruining your special day (be it a birthday, Christmas Valentines day or anniversary). And giving the same gift to another female, his daughter? Classic! How many other times has he set you two up in competition with each other? (It’s called triangulation).

I’m very confident that there have been loads of things that have made you at best go,WTF?, and at worst, have been extremely hurtful and have really knocked your confidence and shaken your sense of reality. Seriously, have a good long reflection of the patterns of his behaviours, good and bad (cos the good behaviours will have been REALLY good, too good to be true) and look up narcissistic personality disorder and covert narcissistic personality disorder to see if you can see any links. You may have ended things with him, but if he has NPD, you may still have a way to go to actually getting the hell away from this man and his grip on you….(look up trauma bonding). It all sounds a bit out there but it’s real and it’s a nightmare.

Mitherations · 29/01/2024 11:27

Blondebutnotlegally · 29/01/2024 11:01

Must admit I'd be pretty disappointed in my parenting if my daughter got given a cheap gift and she got in an argument calling it "embarrassing".

I'd be proud that I'd raised a daughter that didn't entertain bullshit from fantasists.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 29/01/2024 11:27

Gertrood · 29/01/2024 10:02

In a rush but quick update, I’ve ended it. Best bit, he’s insisted on having the bracelet back 😂😂 gladly!

Great update. You might have got the matching necklace next year🤣

SchoolQuestionnaire · 29/01/2024 11:30

Blondebutnotlegally · 29/01/2024 11:01

Must admit I'd be pretty disappointed in my parenting if my daughter got given a cheap gift and she got in an argument calling it "embarrassing".

I’d be more disappointed in my parenting if my ds saw fit to gift his partner a piece of unwanted shite like this. It’s the thought that counts but the lack of it speaks volumes.

Healthyhappymama · 29/01/2024 11:33

I don't know why but I couldn't stop laughing at this post. So funny 🤣. Are you sure its not a joke? Maybe he has something better on its way? Definitely sounds very thoughtless. I'm more of a , it's the thought that counts, kind of person, I'd probably have seen the funny side of it.But I'm sure he could have done a lot better than that, than a few thoughtless bits of cheap metal!