Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to be sat near loud cackling women

598 replies

Ferretmad2 · 28/01/2024 13:19

What is it with groups of loud, cackling women these days? Third time I’ve eaten out recently and next to a table full of shouty, cackling women who seem to be in a contest of who can cackle the loudest. Doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s a posh place or not. I’m fed up of having to be sat near them whilst waiting for my food. Can’t move as we are in a table of 7. My three autistic children are completely silent! Feel like following my eldest child’s example and getting noise cancelling AirPods.

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 30/01/2024 13:00

So women are allowed to laugh ( joyously wtf?) but not cackle?
Basically women have to police themselves and how they laugh in public in order to keep those around them happy?
Of course in an ideal world we would all be considerate of each other but we all have different levels of tolerance.

AvengedQuince · 30/01/2024 13:02

Cas112 · 30/01/2024 12:59

Well you should but other people should also be able to go out and enjoy themselves. The world doesn't revolve around you

People can enjoy themselves and still show consideration for others. The world doesn't revolve around them.

Diamonde · 30/01/2024 13:03

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/01/2024 12:57

Just women. Do only women cackle?
is it because our voices are higher?

sexist comments.

Yes. Same way women don't bellow. Or women aren't described as thugs, a real derogatory word.

CoffeeCantata · 30/01/2024 13:04

Cas112 · Today 12:16

Stay home then and be miserable there

Er, no, mate - YOU stay home and cackle over your cauldron!!

I won't mind that.

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 30/01/2024 13:05

I would say, rule of thumb - women will do this in restaurants, men will do the equivalent at the pub. Obviously a pub will generally absorb the noise better and it wouldn't be so out of keeping. In a restaurant most people are there to eat, chat and maybe have a drink or two. To have raucous shrieks echoing round the room for hours isn't really what you should have to expect when you go out for a meal.

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 30/01/2024 13:07

Or rather, women will do it in restaurants or pubs. But it's much more annoying in a restaurant! Cannot think of a time a group of male diners did this.

All2Well · 30/01/2024 13:07

Oh FFS.

This is NOT a feminist issue...that Handmaid's Tale analogy is ridiculous.

Some women (and men) when they go out for dinner, can be loud, obnoxious show offs and shriek, yell, CACKLE (yes) and make absolute ear splitting noise that makes it impossible for other people to enjoy themselves.

My last birthday meal was ruined by a group of women celebrating a retirement, mainly one drunk woman in her 60s who decided to "entertain" everyone by screaming laughter, getting up and showing off on her chair while the whole table laughed at her, banging on the table demanding more booze, trying to grab the teenage boy servings bum, shrieking about vibrators and dildos, F this B that, screaming that people leaving because of her hideous behavior were miserable c-nts and "posh stuck up bitches".

Two of my friends were new mums on their first child free night out in ages and one of them who was suffering from PND and just wanted a nice night out to dress up and have a nice meal with her girlfriends actually cried at how miserable a night it was. She was called a "miserable snobby bitch who needed to learn how to have a good time", by a woman double her age from that table when they overheard us asking to move.

This was a michelin starred restaurant, in the countryside on a Tuesday. We could not talk to each other at all. The sound went right through us. I am neurodiverse and was in physical pain. If I hadn't have been on Methylphenidate at that point I would have had a meltdown and I have a meltdown about once every 3 years, so rarely.

She was fully aware of her behavior and complaints were only egging her on. Only two women she was with seemed embarrassed and tried to tell her she was being too loud. This only made her worse. And her friends did what many on here have...excused her vile, anti social behaviour by saying, "she's only having a laugh, if people don't like it they should have stayed home being fucking miserable".

Every single table around them in the same section asked to move. 6 tables in total. The staff kept apologising profusely but there were no other tables free. They weren't enjoying serving these women but junior staff admitted that, as there were twenty of them and the rest of us were tables of 3-8 people, the management would rather the rest of us left before desert than the larger table. The young lad who had been harassed said, "count the bottles on that table, bear in mind they're still ordering and you'll figure out how much money they've brought in before they've even bought food. No,
it's not right but it's business and I need this job so I have to put up with this most nights." And he encouraged us to vote with our feet and leave a Trip Advisor review.

So obviously we won't be back but, if a "quiet" michelin starred restaurant in the middle of nowhere on a Tuesday in January wasn't safe from this anti-social behaviour, where is?

Look at the rise in people being thrown out of theatres for their obnoxious behaviour and the associated videos on social media...I've never seen one of them that wasn't a foul mouthed, shrieking, drunk, middle aged woman (and I am a middle aged woman).

Our sex doesn't absolve us from shitty behaviour.

There is a huge difference between a genuine laugh and a normal level of conversation and what OP is talking about and what many of us have experienced being on the receiving end of.

BassoContinuo · 30/01/2024 13:08

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 30/01/2024 13:07

Or rather, women will do it in restaurants or pubs. But it's much more annoying in a restaurant! Cannot think of a time a group of male diners did this.

Some of the restaurants in the City of London used to be bad for braying groups of men all trying to show off the size of their… bonuses. Don’t know if that’s changed since Covid

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 30/01/2024 13:09

BassoContinuo · 30/01/2024 13:08

Some of the restaurants in the City of London used to be bad for braying groups of men all trying to show off the size of their… bonuses. Don’t know if that’s changed since Covid

That would also be annoying!

KimberleyClark · 30/01/2024 13:18

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 12:50

Again - it’s a you problem if you only find certain noises acceptable. People can’t help the way they laugh.

Oh I think some people can. It’s definitely performative in some cases.

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 13:23

KimberleyClark · 30/01/2024 13:18

Oh I think some people can. It’s definitely performative in some cases.

Edited

Maybe they are maybe they aren’t - but I do feel accusing a laughing woman of attention seeking is pretty sexist. Just my view

Cas112 · 30/01/2024 13:23

CoffeeCantata · 30/01/2024 13:04

Cas112 · Today 12:16

Stay home then and be miserable there

Er, no, mate - YOU stay home and cackle over your cauldron!!

I won't mind that.

I'll stay out where I'm having fun thanks 😍

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 13:24

Diamonde · 30/01/2024 12:54

@KarenNotAKaren a word being typically gendered doesn't make it derogatory.

No but when used to criticise women and accuse them of attention seeking, which is what has happened on this thread, it is

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 13:25

Cas112 · 30/01/2024 13:23

I'll stay out where I'm having fun thanks 😍

Come out with me, I don’t get offended at laughing women 🤣

I don’t cackle though, I have one of those silent laughs that confuses people but at least I’m not behaving like a ‘witch’ 🙃

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 13:26

I mean we’ve already seen cackling linked to being a witch - pretty offensive in more ways than one.

I just think some people really fucking hate seeing women together in men-less groups, having a good time.

Diamonde · 30/01/2024 13:26

It's ok to criticise women, it's ok to use adjectives. It's not a flattering description, and it's not intended to be. She's describing an irritating type of laughing. It is accurate though, as we all know what cackling is.

CoffeeCantata · 30/01/2024 13:27

All2Well · Today 13:07

You truly have my sympathy. That sounds like a horrendous experience for you and your group. How vile and repulsive some people are. I've had similar, but not anywhere near as bad -but the noise was physically painful.

My wish for that particular woman and maybe some of her friends is to be made to sit through a video recording of her behaviour when she'd sobered up. Sexually assaulting young staff members, insulting perfectly peaceful and civilised co-diners in the grossest language and being happy to ruin things for everyone around her. What an apology for a human being.

I think she might be on here though...

CoffeeCantata · 30/01/2024 13:32

It’s definitely performative in some cases.

100%, Kimberley.

All2Well · 30/01/2024 13:37

I just think some people really fucking hate seeing women together in men-less groups, having a good time.

I think some women really hate that other women can enjoy themselves in men-less groups and have a good time without getting pissed, screeching at the top of their lungs and making the evening "all about them" for the entire restaurant. So they carry on their obnoxious anti social behaviour and justify it by calling people who know how to behave in public "joyless", "miserable" and "women hating" people who "don't know how to have a good time".

BreeBacon · 30/01/2024 13:45

@KarenNotAKaren Basically what a few of the ladies are getting at here is: if you happen to be woman with a loud laugh you should stay home for fear of being judged a performing cackling witch. Nice.

KarenNotAKaren · 30/01/2024 14:24

All2Well · 30/01/2024 13:37

I just think some people really fucking hate seeing women together in men-less groups, having a good time.

I think some women really hate that other women can enjoy themselves in men-less groups and have a good time without getting pissed, screeching at the top of their lungs and making the evening "all about them" for the entire restaurant. So they carry on their obnoxious anti social behaviour and justify it by calling people who know how to behave in public "joyless", "miserable" and "women hating" people who "don't know how to have a good time".

There nothing wrong with women getting pissed and laughing. You aren’t superior because you remain sober and laugh a quiet laugh.

The only way a group of laughing women can make it “all about them” in a restaurant is of other people decide to sit there miserably moaning about people on another table laughing.

Very telling that all it takes for a woman to be obnoxious is <checks notes> have a loud laugh and drink alcohol

RampantIvy · 30/01/2024 14:29

How about we replace "women" with "people" instead?

The fact that the people at the next table annoying the OP just happened to be women is just a fact, not an excuse to bash other women

Some posters insist on making everything into misogynistic bashing when none was intended.

TheCadoganArms · 30/01/2024 14:32

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/01/2024 12:59

It’s sexist because we wouldn’t say men cackle. It’s like nagging only applied to women.

We rarely call women arseholes, c*nts, wankers or bastards, they are derogatory names very much only used to describe men. Is that sexist too?

StrawberrySquash · 30/01/2024 14:32

ThePoshUns · 30/01/2024 13:00

So women are allowed to laugh ( joyously wtf?) but not cackle?
Basically women have to police themselves and how they laugh in public in order to keep those around them happy?
Of course in an ideal world we would all be considerate of each other but we all have different levels of tolerance.

We all have to police ourselves in the sense that past a certain point any behaviour becomes inconsiderate. It's easy as part of a large group having a good time to become obnoxiously loud. That doesn't make you terrible people but we should all try not to be that group. It's just part of give and take of being a member of society.

CurlewKate · 30/01/2024 15:27

@TheCadoganArms "
We rarely call women arseholes, c*nts, wankers or bastards, they are derogatory names very much only used to describe men. Is that sexist too?"

I think you are missing the point. Those are all insults and openly intended to be. We are talking about words which appear to be merely descriptive and in common usage in "polite society" but are actually gendered and misogynist.