To be pissed off the cake was cut before DE saw it?

[Ruinedcake]

DSrecently turned 3, and I had a party for him. I’m not very good at baking so paid for a local cake maker to bake a cake which tied in with his favourite colours and interests. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap.

The actual party went well but as the children were sitting eating DH and FIL started flapping around saying that they needed to cut the cake. I was trying to stop them but both are very difficult to distract when they get an idea in their heads, and I was also contending with various other things. So to cut a long story short they both cut it before DS has a chance to look at it.

I know it doesn’t ’matter’ really but I am annoyed.

Ah bless. He won't remember not seeing the cake, but I get it - you went to effort and expense to get something special for him and he didn't even get to see it. Hopefully you got some nice photos of the cake before it was cut?

Was it not clear to you that I was responding to the poster I quoted?

Yes it was very clear. Could you not understand I was talking to you anyway? If you want a private conversation then use DMs. This is a public forum.

I'd be fuming! FIL wouldn't be coming to any more parties and I'd be explaining to DH how disappointed I was that he'd ignored my request that he wait

So your child didn’t even see his cake at all, at any point, before it was cut? Good grief. Not bothered either way about candles but obviously it’s absurd to have a special cake made for a child and then not actually bring it out and sing happy birthday before it’s cut/served.

Your DH sounds like one of those annoying flappy panicky people that I absolutely cannot bear, getting in a tizzy about the cake not being cut quickly enough. What did he think would happen? It wasn’t going to fucking evaporate because it was cut ten minutes later instead of right away.

That sort of stressy fretting and flapping would give me the ick.

Do you think the cake looked so tasty they couldn't contain themselves? The candle element of birthdays prevent this sort of thing happening. I LOVED the candles when I was a kid, and nearly as much when my mum would chuck a load of brandy over the Xmas pudding and set light to it!

Yes a forum where I am free to respond to peoples comments. Very odd of you to think I should reposed to a comment made on a post by private messaging someone.

Why are men so dumb at times, seriously I’d be fuming.

I don’t think that. Odd that you think you are free to respond to people’s comments, but that I shouldn’t comment to you because you were talking to someone else.

Thats on the shitty husband, not the OP.

I'm puzzled as to where the cake was between you getting it from the shop and it being cut up that DS hadn't seen it.

Was the "flapping" because the cake needed to be cut so people could take it home and you were running out of party time? That's a legitimate reason tbh. Particularly if you're at a "venue" where they stand over you and tut if you're late.
(OP might want to consider having a pre-cut cake and a "for show" cake for future parties to avoid this).

My birthday cake top tip…
Buy a cheap cake (you can get really large square sponges from supermarkets etc).
Before the party, cut it up into finger shaped pieces and wrap in serviette and put straight into party bags.

Then, order a cool cake (like you did before your bat shit crazy DH & FIL ruined it 😩😜) and carry to party table and let your DC blow candles out a few times.
Then whisk it away for just you as a family to consume later.
The kiddos all attending only get the cheapie one but they won’t care.

I would have hit the bloody roof - in very angry whispers to DH and then a bollocking later.

But if you knew they have form for taking over, you should have said clearly do not cut the cake as he had t even seen it yet. Shout it if necessary.

Please share where I said you couldn’t respond to me? (Actually don’t bother because I know I didn’t say those words) I simply pointed out that my comment was regarding what that specific poster I had quoted had said when you seemed to think I was judging the OPs relationship. I apologise if that was lost in translation.

When you say cut do you mean completely cut into pieces destroying the look of it or just sliced into ?

Yes I agree. The wider point i was making is that women don’t have be scary(as the poster I quoted implied) to be listened to by their partners.

’m in my 40’s and no my husband doesn’t ignore me because he respects me.

And yes you are coming across as condescending

Someone is being condescending that's for sure.

Bonkers people on MN lately. PFB behaviour to be annoyed that your child didn't get to see his own birthday cake before it was cut up? People really dislike their own children if they simply didn't care about an iota about this tbh.

Ruinedcake · Today 13:13

Yes although I decided to forgo candles in the light of safety!

That is one of the saddest things I've read on here today. Poor little boy.

This 🎂with 3 candles is correct. Not this 🍰with no candles.

Candle blowing and singing is not optional. <unless child is fearful>>

You said
Was it not clear to you that I was responding to the poster I quoted?

Which is rude and implied ‘i wasn’t talking to you’. Nothing to suggest you weren’t judging OPs relationship. You did sound like you were judging her relationship when you said you felt sad for her if she thought being ignored by her husband was normal. As that’s not what she was saying.

I'd be really bloody annoyed by this. Why were they flapping about cutting the cake anyway? I'd have mushed it in his face, more interesting than the candles everyone seems so obsessed with.

Absolutely mental not putting candles on a cake because of safety concerns 🤯 that’s the most exciting bit for a little one!
You’re all unreasonable and dare I say a bit odd.

Probably was over cautious but DS is fire engine obsessed and I was worried he’d try to hurl water over the candles or another child would reach out.

What??? I don't know whether to 🤣 or 🤦‍♀️ right now.

Let him have candles in future, most kids get more excited about that than the cake itself.

You think the 3 yo should cut it? I agree they shouldn't have done it but I'm not sure ownership is the issue

Oh ok so I didn’t actually say you couldn’t respond to me then. That’s good to clear that up. As I said I apologise if something was lost in translation but I genuinely think there was crossed wires there.

I do feel sad for her if her husband doesn’t listen to her as I do for any person in relationship where there isn’t much respect. It causes upset and bad feelings like it has done in this situation.
Her husband (and FIL) were idiots.