To be pissed off the cake was cut before DE saw it?

[Ruinedcake]

DSrecently turned 3, and I had a party for him. I’m not very good at baking so paid for a local cake maker to bake a cake which tied in with his favourite colours and interests. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap.

The actual party went well but as the children were sitting eating DH and FIL started flapping around saying that they needed to cut the cake. I was trying to stop them but both are very difficult to distract when they get an idea in their heads, and I was also contending with various other things. So to cut a long story short they both cut it before DS has a chance to look at it.

I know it doesn’t ’matter’ really but I am annoyed.

That’s ridiculous they cut the cake before everyone sang happy birthday. I always get a photo of my kids with the cake. I’d be furious

Two men were desperate to cut a birthday cake and couldn’t be stopped? Are they The Chuckle Brothers?

I do not believe in taking the moral high ground when something is not a genuine mistake so my response would be entirely over the top - I would rage and likely fume about it for days. Repeatedly ask what is wrong with them, why do they lack self-control, does it feel good to take the glory of the cake cutting when they had fuck all to do with the effort. I absolutely would not take the view that it’s just a 3 year old’s birthday and they won’t remember as it’s not about that - it’s about someone completely ignoring you.

I’ve been multi tasking. Sorry I only just saw this and sorry if I’ve been a bit sensitive! Weirdo was always the insult or choice for the bitchy mean girls at school (I’m honestly not trying to have a go at you - I really appreciate you coming back and being pleasant which takes a really decent sort!)

And - I am skin reading but over it now. I think they are just both quite infuriating like that and once they decide something had to be done they are very difficult to steer a different way of you like. And of course I was busy at the party so I couldn’t be on top of them (nor should I have to be!)

Re candles, for all I know everyone there was muttering about what a freak weirdo oddity I am - but I really can imagine DS shouting ‘fire!’ And ‘turning a hose’ on the cake.

Id hit the roof! I want a photo of child with cake even if you weren’t doing candles. Stupid stupid DH and FiL. I’d tell them they were both being booked in to audiologist as they clearly can’t hear basic instructions!

I would just make them go out and get a really nice cake for him (with or without candles!)

And they pay for it.

I would then make sure my H fully understood the problem

I’m getting angry just imagining it 😂

The issue is your husband and his father not listening to you and being so self absorbed that they can't think about their toddler son and grandson

😂😂😂

My 22 year old remembers his 3rd birthday cake which had been constructed to meet his passionate interest at the time!

I couldn't get worked up about a one off incidence of my dh ignoring my wishes. If this is part of a bigger issue then maybe.

All seems like a lot of angst over a 3 yo party...including all the posters with opinions about the candles, I mean lots of 3yos don't even have a party so I'm sure ops little one won't be scarred for life about the lack of candles or not seeing the cake. I once forgot the matches to light the candles and another time I forgot the knife to cut the cake. My kids don't remember.

What did DH say afterwards when you told him how upset you were? And explained to him you wanted DS and the other kids to see the cake, and sing happy birthday before the cake was cut?

That you wanted a photo of DS with the cake?

What did he say when you told him how angry you are at being ignored when you repeatedly had told him at the party not to cut the cake?

@WonderingWanda - I am mostly over it. It was annoying at the time but I agree I don’t think it needs a massive drama or anything.

MN is very dogmatic in its views about birthday cake, I should really have remembered that when I posted.

Don't forget to get both of them for THEIR birthdays a young child's cake or better still make a v. messy chocolate cake ( cake mix?) and smother it with loads of colourful smarties! Let 3year old cut it using PLASTIC KNIFE! The more mess the better. Hopefully this will take place in front of lots of important people!

Where would he be getting a hose from and chucking water all over the cake with presumably at the very least 3 adults sets of eyes watching him?
Sorry, this all just sounds a bit of a dramatic path of thinking. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a party, even of children who were into fireman Sam, where the cake got doused in water from a fire conscious child.

He needs to learn that whilst dangerous, not all fires are bad.

Speak to him about about how useful some things can be. Such as...

Gas cookers
Gas fires
BBQs
Bonfires
And of course candles.

I can absolutely picture this scenario OP with my husband. Once he gets some thought into his head it is ridiculously hard to stop him from executing his plan, however he does have ASD. I know its a mumsnet classic to suggest someone may have ASD but still!

I know my husband would be thinking that I'm really busy, and he should help in some way... so he'd look for a job to do and - Hey presto! - doesn't the cake need to be cut to put in the party bags? Then he'd be thinking about how to cut the cake? What size slices should he do? Does he cut it like this or like that? How would I cut it? And every possible benefit or negative of slices vs squares! And it would look very much like someone fussing over cutting a cake!

Add in the 1,000 noises of a kids birthday party and there's about a zero chance he would register me yelling across telling him not to cut the bloody cake.

I'd know he was trying to be helpful but I would still be toe-curlingly pissed off that in his 5 minute spiral of cake cutting fixation he hadn't once remembered what the whole point of the cake is!!

You're not putting a grenade on a cake, its candles!

But in your defence, being a host means you are non stop busy and you can't know what is going on every second of the party. They were out of order cutting the cake, really bloody mean. I would be beyond furious

Oh everything is a hose. Sticks, phone chargers, rope.

He probably wouldn’t have. I just didn’t really want to take the chance. I’ve conceded over cautious but I’m not seeing it as the massive weird thing some of you apparently are.

I’m fairly sure there’s no ASD but I know what you mean @Puttingchildrenfirst , in fact you’ve described both of them to a point 😂

YANBU - I would be pretty annoyed too - quite stupid of DH and FIL to do that without your DS even seeing it first, let along the rest of the children and singing happy birthday. Bizarrely stupid really for BOTH of them not to think first (ignoring you too!).

Hopefully in time it will become a funny story.

Next year I make sure to take a photograph of it first and then put reminders all of the box that it should not be cut up until the birthday child had seen it and happy birthday had been sung (not something you would ever think to do without this happening first!).

Has he not been to any birthday parties yet and seen people blowing out candles OP?

If not, you could probably Google a few videos maybe?

It's not a big deal of course, but it might save him becoming quite frightened if he does get invited?

OP, its perfectly ok not to have candles or not to sing or not whatever that doesnt fit with your way of going about birthdays. Your husband and FIL are out of order to cut the cake they havent made without you ok-ing it. YANBU to be annoyed. I am sure your son had a lovely celebration regardless though!

To be honest, my DH knows that if he does something I've said absolutely do not do til xyz has happened, he's in the shit.

And also, honestly, he's never actually been in the shit, except once early on in our relationship when I nearly walked (justified, another story completely). He just knows I won't tolerate being ignored, especially when things are important to me or I've done all the organising.

If he'd done this I would have hit the roof and he knows that's a consequence of anyone being this disrespectful of my wishes.

Does your DH have form for ignoring you and your wishes?