To be pissed off the cake was cut before DE saw it?

[Ruinedcake]

DSrecently turned 3, and I had a party for him. I’m not very good at baking so paid for a local cake maker to bake a cake which tied in with his favourite colours and interests. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap.

The actual party went well but as the children were sitting eating DH and FIL started flapping around saying that they needed to cut the cake. I was trying to stop them but both are very difficult to distract when they get an idea in their heads, and I was also contending with various other things. So to cut a long story short they both cut it before DS has a chance to look at it.

I know it doesn’t ’matter’ really but I am annoyed.

@AKM89

I was merely pointing out that at my ripe old age, working with children all my adult life and having children of my own, I've never, ever known anyone worried about candles on a cake as a hazard. Or cutting the cake being a thing at birthday parties, I thought that was weddings.

I agree it's annoying! of course you wanted him to see the cake - regardless of whether you paid a lot for it or made it yourself.

Nothing you can do about it now but do tell him you're not happy.

There's a whole lot of anxiety here. 2 grown men flapping about cake, 1 grown Woman predicting a hosing scene.

I reckon you all need a few deep breaths.

If this were me, I would get him another cake with the same design. If husband doesn't like spending the extra money and eating leftover cake for a week straight, he shouldn't have cut the cake before my child got to see it.

Next time, use candles, as singing happy birthday with the candles is a way to make sure your child gets to see the actual cake.

I get it OP, I'd be pissed off, too. I once went to a wedding reception in a village hall, a little while after we'd eaten the bride announces that's it's time to do the cake, and it gets brought out.... already cut up. You could just see her holding back the tears. I think some people just don't get it.

Yes that's true.

Candles on the cake, nobody can slice the cake, and once the candles are lit, only one person can put them out. Once this is done, THEN the cake can be sliced. This custom is long established and is not to be messed with.

The men were maybe confused with the no candles so they sliced the cake (as you do).

The men are thoughtless but what three year old really looks at a cake?

I’d have thought they be more interested in blowing out candles which are now apparel risk. FGS. 🙄

Idiots.

My daughters cake cost £85. I would have been passed.

In future I'm not spending money like that. Recently, we've been to parties with cake from M&S and it was lovely and half the price.

I would imagine a 3yo would be more pissed at not having candles to blow out tbh, that’s just beyond weird

In reality what 3 year old gives a fuck and will remember this. First World problems. Yes, it's annoying but some people can't even afford to feed their kids so have some perspective.

*apparently a risk.

I would be annoyed first at them and very much so, them myself for getting an expensive cake for a child so young.

Next time just buy cup cakes or better still get DH and FIL to sort

Don't let him near the cake next year.

I want cake now

who cuts a cake before happy birthday is sang? They really shouldn’t have to be told.
OP it’s okay to have a candle. Next year get one of the number ones so there is only one flame.
By three I would expect kids know how to behave around a birthday cake/candle.
I would be annoyed tbh

Ah but you do these things when you have a firstborn and they're so small. I did too.

God people are behaving as expected on here again, sorry OP, if there’s a point to be missed, they’ll miss it and berate you for it at the same time!

FWIW I can imagine your DH and Dad are constantly working on or talking about a boring job or route or plan and likely often not the one that would actually be helpful, and then, like with this, an annoyingly detrimental one. You likely get a cursory apology that ‘they were just trying to help’ and ‘didn’t know’ which is almost worse than no apology at all as it leaves you seething.

What a pair of dickheads. Three year olds practise blowing out their candle and being sang to. 🙈

As silly as this situation is in the grand scheme of things, I think this is actually indicative of a bigger underlying problem, be that miscommunication or his total disregard for your feelings.

My husband would:
A. know doing that is unacceptable in the first place.
B. know he'd have to run for his life if he did.

What candle?

I probably will (pregnant with first) and will still be annoyed at myself and anyone who dares cut it!

OP, candles aside I hope you read the fucking riot act to your two useless idiot male relatives.
It needs to be absolutely clear that in similar situations your wishes are not to be ignored or serious consequences will ensue. And mean it.
Otherwise they’ll just keep on doing it .

Gutted on your behalf for the time, money and effort you put into it, and for your DS and his friends who missed out on it. Did your DS not get to see it at all? At that age, the cake is all about the spectacle and the theme - Fireman Sam, Dora the Explorer, ballerinas, elephants. No kid is bothered about eating it once it's been squished about in a party bag between a paper napkin.

I would be absolutely raging at DH and FIL. What absolute muppets. Drives me mad that sort of help which just cocks things up.

Hope they have apologised.

I remember one of my childhood cakes really well. It had all sorts of decorations on it with chocolate candies. It was wonderful and the memory makes me happy even though it was decades ago. What's the point of getting a decorated cake if the kid isn't even going to get to look at it? Just get a cheap plain one then.

I didn’t go with candles because I was worried about a disaster!

a….. disaster…. 🤨

yabu for being so paranoid about candles on a cake, but yanbu for being annoyed at DH’s lack of sense and ignoring a simple request.

Oh that's so sad! What were they thinking ?