To be pissed off the cake was cut before DE saw it?

[Ruinedcake]

DSrecently turned 3, and I had a party for him. I’m not very good at baking so paid for a local cake maker to bake a cake which tied in with his favourite colours and interests. As you can imagine, it wasn’t cheap.

The actual party went well but as the children were sitting eating DH and FIL started flapping around saying that they needed to cut the cake. I was trying to stop them but both are very difficult to distract when they get an idea in their heads, and I was also contending with various other things. So to cut a long story short they both cut it before DS has a chance to look at it.

I know it doesn’t ’matter’ really but I am annoyed.

@HMW1906 great. And it’s highly possible DS would have been the same.

However, I just don’t see the candles as the be all and end all. I’m sorry but I genuinely don’t. He had an hour playing with his friends in a soft play centre, he had loads of lovely food, he had Happy Birthday sang to him (with a cut up cake!) and he really seemed happy, that’s all that matters. But I would have liked him to have seen the cake. I couldn’t actually give a flying fish about the candles and it’s a shame the post has dwelled so obsessively on them.

There were much younger children around the table and I was mindful one of them might have also tried to grab. OK?

@Ruinedcake you are mn doomed
you didn’t restrain dp and FIL using wwe choke hold. And NO candles. Bad mutha
Might as well walk away from family whilst you can. You candle denier,you.

The only thing a 3 year old wants is to blow out candles and people singing to him.

I doubt he would have been interested in a cake without that happening. 🙄

Thank you for beautifully suppprting with a 🙄 that she’s a bad mutha candle denier
all the child wanted…denied…he’ll never recover. Call the Tavistock now

No candles 🥲

I know😢
it’s a safeguarding issue. Definitely

Did they cut it as they are greedy arses and wanted cake?

OP why do you keep on insisting you are weird ?

People are getting hung up on the no candles .

The weird ones are your greedy husband and FIL ... what they did was totally unacceptable!

They are seriously weird and don’t like cake!

Believe me DS wanted cake, I don’t think he actually liked everyone singing happy birthday to him 😂

You are not being unreasonable. Who gives a child a slice of cut cake on their birthday without them seeing the cake?

A child beaming with joy in front of their cake as everybody sings happy birthday is a highlight of the party!

I think the candle thing is a bit unusual, but certainly not as insane as some are making out. You’re possibly a bit more anxious than some of the mums on here, but that’s not a crime.

What I don’t understand is why (particularly if it annoyed you enough to post on here), you haven’t said anything to your DH. Also, your description of everyone just not listening to each other in your home bears no resemblance to how I (and most people I know) live. Are you genuinely okay with that? I’d find it quite stressful, tbh.

I cover the cake in clingfilm!

So what did you say to your husband and FIL afterwards?

I think you've been pretty cheerful in the face of all this earnest critique of your party-parenting OP - well done!

On the question - I think you should have a gentle (ish) word with DP pointing out that there wasn't much point in having spent the time, thought, and money on the lovely cake if DS didn't actually see it. That it's no biggie but don't do it again, and can he work on the fact that he often gets a bit hyperfocused and won't listen?

I have ADHD and your description of his internal monologue was very familiar. Worth looking out for signs in DS? An early diagnosis can be incredibly helpful in not exhausting oneself trying to be normal, or hating oneself for one's 'failures' (disclaimer: not all ADHD people are like that)

that sounds horribly unhygienic in today's world

Part of the cake thing is blowing out candles, was your DH on the same page about the candles or would he have found this annoying like you found him cutting the cake annoying? I think it doesn’t really matter, it’s not a massive deal. I don’t remember my 3rd birthday so it’s hardly going to scare your child for life. Sounds like he still got happy bday etc sung to him and he wasnt cutting the cake himself was he. The hyperbole on here “furious” etc. is ridiculous and I wonder if any women on here have healthy relationships.

Dear lord.

People are being so rude about the candles! I totally get that it can be anxiety inducing with so many young kids around and that’s why OP didn’t have them. OP, seriously nobody who attended your party thought you are weird.

OP that would really piss me off . I hope you managed to get a picture of your DS with it before they cut it !

I feel your pain. I'm a very happy member of a group of middle aged to elderly women friends. They mean the world to me and I wouldn't ever want to be without them.

That being said - they are so bloody loud. It's really embarrassing when we ate out in a public place and they are all yelling over one another and (it's the only accurate word) cackling loudly at all our inside jokes.

I know I feel it more keenly than other people because I've been aware of my own age related hearing problems for a few years and have adjusted very well to wearing hearing aids, but even allowing for that my friends still seem to bellow and shriek in public places - unless they want to convey an interesting piece of gossip. At which point they drop their voices so low I wouldn't be able to hear them if I turned my hearing aids up to 11.

YANBU. What twats.

Were you aiming for the cackling women thread?

So typically Mumsnet to focus on a separate detail (the candles) than the issue at hand…

On the cake cutting that is so annoying - my eldest had a Gruffalo cake for his second birthday and he’d have been devastated not to see it before it got cut up. YANBU. Also how has no one else experienced their spouse not listening to them about something like this? Isn’t that the very essence of marriage? (That’s a joke before the literalists on this thread come for me.)

As to the candles, I can’t see what all the fuss is about..! Certainly doesn’t warrant acerbic remarks in any event - the poster who referred to her half a century of birthday cake experience could give Jane Austen a run for her money I think…

It does matter. But usually what I do is take a pic as they don't always look properly with anything going on. But they defo shouldn't have cut it and you should have put a candle on it Tbf

[Manuel voice] Que?