To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

OP I think people are being so harsh. It's clearly the sensible thing to do to let you have the double bed under the circumstances and I like to think I would do that for my child and grandchild in the future.
We went on holiday with my parents (and brother) last summer and they paid for the accommodation. It was a right pain finding somewhere suitable to meet everyone's needs and I lost the will to live at one point trying to do it with my mum so she forged on alone. But she made sure it had separate beds for them as one is a terrible snorer, not a single for my brother as he is so tall and DH, DD and I had the huge master with ensuite as it had space for the travel cot and a king size bed in case of bedsharing needs. Because that was what was required and she wanted everyone to be as comfortable as possible. I don't understand why people think paying makes you suddenly entitled to be more comfortable at the expense of your loved ones.

On a recent weekend with friends two of us paid for the third and we gave her the best room because it was a treat for her!

About bedrooms.

I don't understand why they wouldn't have booked a villa with two doubles.

I would swap OP, I'm sorry yours won't

Ah but on mumsnet people will pick anything in your post to have a go about :( shame really

unlikely

Love this, OP! You know what's best for you and your child.

Wow this post has really attracted the cunts.

Flabbergasting to think there are parents and grandparents out there that would rather distress and upset their special needs grandchild and child than sleep in a single bed. I'm glad my own parents would never be so pig headed to think they're more important than the wellbeing of a disabled child and they have better values than the majority of posters in here.

Telling that most are giving you grief and calling you "hard work " (classic mysoginsitc shut down method) when you've got an able bodied adult whining about not having a proper double bed for literally no reason. No suggestions for grandma to use the 2 singles and risk splitting I've noticed.

This site gets more ableist and ageist by the day.

I wouldn't bother with this thread again OP you'll just have people telling you you're wrong for advocating for your daughter.

The principal of it is that they are paying, they get first choice of the bedrooms. That's the long and the short of it.

It isn't news that when you all go away together they get the master bedroom, so if this is a deal breaker for you this year, you're the ones who have changed and needed to communicate this before you agreed to the villa with only one double bed.

In the hypothetical future scenario that you are paying to take them on holiday with you, you get the first choice of bedrooms, on principal. It wouldn't be about whether they agreed it; you would be the hosts, and what you say would go, and they can like it or lump it.

So there's enough for you all to have a room each yet your dad will be in the living area/room?

That's weird/controlling!

It sounds as if there are enough beds without you having to have the double tbh.

If the beds can't be pushed together, pack a double air mattress and sleep on that with you child. Husband sleeps in a single bed. Use their bedding.

If your parents are paying then it's only fair they get the room of their choice. I'd also feel bad about putting my ageing parents in "worse" room than mine.

No need to be so ageist.

He's an old man who likely falls asleep in front of the telly or while chatting of an evening.

DM is in her 50s. Hardly aging. Once again it’s JUST able bodied and healthy DM in the double.

Why would they go bananas if you didnt go?

All OP/the husband have to do, is push the 2 beds together?
I really don't see the angst about all of this. It's not hard.

There are so many bedrooms in this villa, I can't understand the problem at all.
Rather a fuss about nothing . There are so many ways around it. Do a but of problem solving rather than moaning !

Because they WANT the big family holiday. It just all has to be on their terms.

Maybe your parents want to be close to a bathroom for nighttime trips to the loo. They won’t want to have to sneak to the bathroom quietly so that they don’t disturb you and your family. I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy to be wakened or to have your daughter wakened by them rattling about.

I don't think it's ageist - I think OP probably had a better idea of their sex life than us.

I think I'm getting the dynamic now. I think this isn't about the bedroom

I enjoy your optimism but that absolutely isn’t why. It’s like Foghorn Leghorn when they decide to get up.

Mmmmm yeah the more I sit and think, it’s not about the bedroom at all.

Useful advice from pps about zip ties and turning mattresses sideways! Will store for future reference.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo I agree that you need to take the necessary practical steps. Tbh two of you in two singles pushed together plus dh or you in another room sounds better than all three in the double anyway.

btw @Grimchmas the op was right to say on principle not on principal. I don’t usually correct grammar but it felt as tho you were correcting hers. Apologies if that’s not the case.

Why do you go away with them?

Much better to go somewhere on your own and do what you need to do.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo

I think a lot of your anxiety relates to the idea of taking your daughter abroad. The sleeping situation is just part of that. I think that is totally resolvable, very very easily. Except for your sofa sleeping father which is frankly very odd and unnecessary when there is a bed for him.

I am giving you some ideas about what might help on hol.

Firstly, if you have DLA for your daughter this will open a lot of doors to getting her support (depends where you’re going but a lot of places accept front page as evidence even abroad).

• airport support, special assistance, queue skips, priority for boarding on planes and for seats
• free carer ticket, reduced entry price, queue skips, access to quiet space, sensory bag, sensory maps etc etc

Try and show your daughter where she’ll be going and what she’ll be doing, everything from at the airport to boarding a plane/boat/train/whatever (some autistics have videos posted on you tube of this sort of thing), promo videos, pictures, google maps, websites all help. As can introducing her to the food, music, language whatever before you go so it isn’t all strange to her. Bring her environment with her as much as you can.

Have your plans made in advance, have no more than 2-3 ‘big’ things to do each week. This makes it less overwhelming for her and less stressful for you because it’s enough to be dealing with them when they are there.

If you are swimming invest in swim shoes, swim jacket and some sensory/swim/small world toys (about 10 to play with - floats to chase after, plastic figures, die cast cars) If she is asd likely may have adhd or dcd so always better to have things to occupy or stop them falling.

If none of the above applies for you, I hope it is helpful to someone else.