To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

@asrarpolar

You get seat of choice for free and extra hold allowance for disability related items. It’s great!

@asrarpolar

you’d need to look yourself and compare between airlines actually. BA do a lot more than easyjet, more than I realised.

At the level I was suggesting I've never needed to book. I turn up at the desk, collect a lanyard which identifies us to the security people (dd14's biggest issue) and the folks at the desk often give us tips as to where to go/ask for certain things. Beyond that we head through with everyone else.

But that is clearly on the basis that we don't need or expect the kind of support like wheelchair lifts, escorts or even priority boarding. (And we usually travel ryanair so free seats are not going to happen! 😁) Clearly if more help is required it needs to be booked. And I did suggest OP ring assistance if she has baggage issues etc.

I made the suggestion of grabbing the lanyard on the basis that OP is dealing with with a 4yr old without the profound needs which would require significantly more help. But the little bit of help and awareness makes all the difference.

I’m mid 50’s and my adult DC would insist I have the nicest double bedroom.

I’m mid 50’s and my adult DC would insist I have the nicest double bedroom.

Would you accept it if it caused your disabled grandchild and your daughter to suffer though?

Your adult DC would put your desire for the nicest bedroom ahead of their disabled daughter’s needs? Wow. That’s not something I’d be proudly touting on a forum, even if it is anonymous.

@LittleOwl153

My ND DC is mainstreamed, but has needed specific seating (has to sit in the same seat every time) and needs priority boarding and an escort through the airport to bypass all queues (goes hysterical).

OP has said her daughter can never expect to attend hobbies, sleepovers and the like (which my child can do), so I am presuming she would need the above provisions which do need to be booked, as that is roughly the max avail.

Thats such a good idea - she is obsessed with numbers and letters, I might get some of the foam bath ones! Thank you xxx

I used to fly long distance with my dc a lot when they were little and found that fuzzy felt is great on planes. You can pack it in a ziploc bag, it's inexpensive, it doesn't role away and it sticks to everything.

Also @LittleOwl153 ryan scare do provide free seats 😊

https://help.ryanair.com/hc/en-gb/categories/12489466690833-Special-Assistance

OP should have set her stall out from the start, if they need a double room then that should have been communicated. I wouldn’t book a holiday if I knew there was only one double room and it would be make or break to my DD’s sleep if we needn’t have it.

OP of course your mother shouldn't take the big bed on her own when it is going to be so detrimental! Frankly I've don't care if she's paid for it or not. I wouldn't make my child be uncomfortable and have a shit holiday just so I could wallow in a great big bed on my own. It so selfish.

BUT (and I say this with kindness) this is on you. You need to change the dynamic to be happy. Do you even want to go on a holiday with people who think so little of your need to sleep?

I once stayed in a villa with my in laws (half and half payment wise). My FIL expected a cooked breakfast made by a woman (he's an old school misogynist). My MIL wasn't having any of it as she waits on him hand, foot and finger all year. For example he will shout 'Pantera's MIL. Coffee' not even a please or thank you.

To keep the peace I was frying bacon in a hot kitchen every morning. I wouldn't let DH do it as he was on the verge of losing it with his entitled Dad . We've never stayed with them since. We sort them a nearby hotel and meet up. My FIL doesn't care whether I am happy on holiday, all he cares about is a plated up full English.

Your parents don't care about your comfort. You're right, you need to put your big girl pants on and look after your needs because they aren't going to do it for you.

Some parents parent, other just produce kids.

Or just find space and put the mattresses on the floor.

What kind of a grandparent would see their disabled grandchild on a mattress on the floor so they could have a double bed to themselves!?

Thank you. Learning to advocate for DD is something I have to work on all the time, its exhausting and its my own fault for presuming I wouldnt have to do it with my own DM. And this is a lesson for me to just always always be clear about what will work for us and what wont.

I absolutely will not be accepting the gift of free accommodation in future if it means we do not get a say in where we stay. When I speak to DM I will of course offer to pay half as it just feels fair. A gift isn't a gift if there's conditions to it.

Glad you’re going to speak to her, let us know how it goes.

It’s really hard in the beginning to advocate but you get used to it as they grow and become more involved with people and the world outside (whether that is mainstream, special school or respite care).

Hope you have a productive and supportive conversation.

Yes, sorry, I've just been back and re-read the OP's posts and she doesn't actually say that she's explained to her parents that she has a child with special needs and what those needs are, I just assumed that as they were close enough to go on holiday together, her parents might know that already.

you shouldn’t be able to feel any difference whatsoever.

I would. It would be like lying on a seam all night, like when they use two singles zipped together.

@Strugglingtodomybest

Have you actually ever used a good quality mattress topper???

They are about 4 inches thick!!!

The gap will be imperceivable.

Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about a sheet?

Anyway, I don't think you can talk for everyone. I personally find sleeping on those zip together mattresses really uncomfortable, even in a four-star hotel with great, presumably, mattress toppers on (I've never checked). Like I said, it feels like you're sleeping on a seam.

I'm coming across like the princess and the pea 🤣

I think given that's it's not a big deal to turn 2 twins to a double room, this is not about the bed itself for you.
It sounds like your dad stays up late watching tv and often falls asleep. It's very likely that he will make his way to bed at some stage though so I'm not sure that the argument that your mom is on her for most of the night carries much weight.

It's clearly part of a wider issue for you where you feel that your parents don't accommodate your families needs.

Someone had a good suggestion this morning about swapping the mattresses so DPs retain master bedroom and double bed frame with two single mattresses and OP take's double on two single frames.
Hopefully that should work.

With all due respect, you just made all of that up.

He sleeps on the sofa ALL night. He does it at home too. Every single night.

I think this is the best idea with some zipties to keep the bed together, That way DM still has the master bedroom and the larger bed just with two mattresses on it.
Something I will discuss with her to try and problem solve the issue.

@Strugglingtodomybest

You can get them off of Amazon for as cheap as £40.

But there are memory foam ones and luxury down ones for £200 - 300.

With a lot of choice in between.

We had them for relatives with arthritis/fibromyalgia and other health problems who felt everything and were virtually bed bound.

Stick super king topper + sheet on and - provided the bases are divan and suitable for being pushed together - you won’t know it’s not a super king.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo

2 singles won’t fit in a double bed frame though - too big.