To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

I think I would sit them down and explain the issue, say why it is a problem, what you are anxious about, and then explicitly leave the decision to them. Along the lines of 'you have paid for the accommodation so it is your decision, but please let me know what you decide soon so that I can make arrangements accordingly'. Give them control to come to their own (hopefully reasonable) decision.

@penjil

autism is a
“lifelong developmental disability”

Thank you. I think the reasonable responses here seem to suggest the same.
i think the fair compromise here is I will offer to try getting the beds together but if it doesn’t work, ask for the larger bed for DD and I to ensure she sleeps properly. No one is going to have any fun with an exhausted 3 year old with zero tolerance for anything. I think DM would be happy for a single bed and we all are able to go out and have a nice time than deal with meltdowns all day. That’s not fun for anyone!

I’m in my 50s and I would hate to be stuck in a single bed on a holiday I’d paid for. I haven’t slept in a single bed since I was a young teen.

There is absolutely no reason a super king sheet/topper over two twins is an issue. 80% of holiday accommodation I’ve been in has had twins arranged as one large bed, and it works perfectly well for Co-sleeping. If your daughter can sleep
in a bed other than your one at home, there’s no reason for this to be an issue.

In fact it’s a lot nicer has you have an extra foot or so of room between the three of you for sleeping.

If it’s a sensory issue, we bought the same kind of sheets and pillowcases as we use at home (and pre-washed a few times) for taking on holiday for our ASD child.

I don’t think this is about bed allocation at all. I think it’s about how OP perceives her parents’ understanding of their ASD granddaughter.

With OP in her 40s and her mum
in her 50s they have had wildly different experiences of parenting as a teen mother and a later 30s first time mother. It’s not surprising they see things through different prisms.

But if you read ops posts, there were other villas, but grandparents picked one that only suited them without concerns for the GD.
Next time I'll invite my friend on a wheelchair for a meal to a place in 10th storey of a building with no lift and I'll get upset they complain about it being inaccessible.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo

3 year old?

I thought you said she was 4?

Be clear in the information you are giving people. There is a big difference, particularly with Asd developmentally from 3 to 4.

For instance with mine at 3 was not potty trained and could not have a conversation, mega mega meltdowns, still had dummies, still needed to snuggle in bed before being lifted into own bed, in daycare.

At 4, potty trained in day some accidents, no dummies, sleeping in own bed, limited reciprocal conversation, better regulated as we had begun to put strategies in place, had outside help, started school.

Massive difference. You need to be accurate in your information to get appropriate responses to your actual situation.

This is an entirely different scenario from the one OP has described.

She will be ALMOST 4 at the time of holiday.

And its not relevant. You are explaining YOUR experience with what happened with YOUR children.

OP we have a similar situation, my child is also asd and often needs to be close to me in the night. At home we have a king size bed and if he needs to he hops in and we all sleep fine.
On holiday we had 2 singles pushed together and it was a massive worry that he'd slip down the gap or get hurt. Sleeping on the outside edge it's too likely he might roll off (has a bed guard and low bed at home)

Have you seen on the floorplans if there's space to put the single mattress on the floor? That was our solution as then we could extend one side with spare pillows and remove the danger of falling out which made me feel less like I needed to squash up.

@Bibbidybobbidyroo

I’m not saying she will be the same as mine.

I’m telling you people’s responses to a 3 year old cosleeping will be different to a 4 year old cosleeping.

Honestly please just talk to your mum and get it over with. Running around in circles on a forum doesn’t resolve your situation.

I think peoples responses around cosleeping have been pretty appalling overall so will not be responding to them.

No, the only difference is that the disability is not physical. So it's fine to discriminate because your can't see it?

We're back at it, there is no guarantee that a child at the age of 10 will be able to sleep on their own and that's nice if your business. The responses are the way they are because most people even with disabled kids have no clue about what others are gong through. If you cracked it for all of us, write a book, I guarantee it will be a bestseller

There you go op, that's the attitude of quite a lot of posters on this thread. No understanding whatsoever.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, entitled, selfish etc etc. I think it's massively disappointing when your own parents just don't get your life (despite, in my case, you explaining it to them).

Also, can we add the magic king size sheet to our list of Mumsnetisms?! This magical piece of thin cotton ensures that you can't feel the gap between two beds - amazing!

@Bibbidybobbidyroo most of us co sleep or have co slept. That is not the issue. Most of us would just manage in two single beds pushed together.

I would as you suggested 'put up and shut up'!

I am probably old school here but, i would expect my parents (whether or not they were paying for the villa) to have the main double bedroom. We always paid for my parents to come on holiday with us and we always gave them the 'best room'.

It sounds like you you have the pick of 2/3 lovely rooms. Push beds together, rearrange rooms (i do this every holiday), Put three beds in one room. You have so many choices.

Just because your Dad sleeps on the sofa normally when he is on holiday, it might not be the case when you are all together as you said this is the first time you guys have been abroad together.

Be thankful that your parents are paying for your accommodation and if you are in your 40's and they are in their 50's then you are so lucky to have them around (both mine died last year).

Magical indeed. I expect all the people who have done that and "cracked on" have tried sleeping on the join covered with the magic sheet, not just used it to stop pillows vanishing down the gap in their pretend double bed.
Sounds like this fabric is the solution to everything, on a par with duct tape and wd40.

Sorry I do think you are making a big deal about this.

Some more travel tips for you...

Headphones for your daughter. If she doesn't use them now try and get her used to some. Big ear covering noise cancelling ones. They are fab for getting through the airport and noise on the plane. (With or without the attached screen to feed music/films!)

Medication can be carried completely separately from your baggage allowance. It is helpful to do this if you are travelling ryanair or similar with small hand luggage and also for liquids. Make sure you have a copy of the prescription/repeat with you.

Airport special assistance with a 3/4yr old there will be some understanding anyway, but get her a sunflower lanyard - they are recognised in Germany and Spain - so I assume are quite widely seen. UK airports from my experience have their own which you can collect from the assistance desk when you get there. No need to prebook. They'll also give you tips on queue jumping etc.

Drinks bottles/liquids. Some UK airports now allow liquids, many still don't, but you can take her empty water bottle through security and get it filled once through so she has her own bottle that she's used to with her.

Pushchair if she will still use a pushchair take it with you. She will get much more tired travelling and it will save you having to carry her. Also gives her a portable cocoon if that is simething that works for her. You can check it in or keep it till boarding when they will stick it in the hold for you. Especially great if travelling at night. (You can take this and a car seat if you need to - speak to special assistance if your airline/tickets suggest otherwise).

This is SO helpful, thank you!

If you book special disabled assistance for your flight you get to jump queues in the UK, but not always abroad. You also get to board before everyone else. And in most UK airports get access to quieter lounge spaces for disabled people by the gate. Basic but the quietness may help. You just book online at the same place you choose your seat number on the plane and then go to assistance desk. You can just turn up, but booking means they are more likely to have enough staff to assist you. At the other end you will be the last to get off the aircraft but will have help if you need it.
We use disabled assistance as otherwise we could not fly.

Thats great to know, I have only just started looking at ways to make the airport as easy as we can such as buying fast track to try and stop standing in lengthy queues.

For travel we found ear defenders so useful.
Loads of preparation, looking at photos and talking about what would happen.
Make a portable now and next board for the day with pictures to velcro on.
Make sure you have favourite toys and books, familiar stuff really helps.
All the snacks! Really. All of them and some spares.

Are there any books you recommend about airports/planes?