To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

That was my question in the OP. Whether it was appropriate to ask and discuss.

Apparently not according so many of the replies....

This

If you really think it is going to be a problem.

And can’t fathom pushing two singles together (with zip ties, super king mattress topper and sheet) and/or doing without husband in same bed with you both.

Surely speaking to your Mum and prioritising the needs of your daughter over your discomfort with a difficult conversation is a better solution.

And if she is high needs, you really need to get them involved with her care more or go on a mini break to let them see what things are like so a) they are prepared and b) she is better safe guarded when you are away for a longer period.

For christ's sake. If you're not happy with this situation then go and tell your parents and try to sort it out, rather than arguing with pages and pages of strangers on the internet who think you're wrong. You seem fixated on wanting to be seen as "in the right" by the majority rather than just trying to get the outcome you want 🤷‍♀️

With that attitude, I'm not surprised your mother put her foot down and insisted on the double bedroom.

I'm glad she's got it too. 😂

I would feel I have plenty of time to get my child used to having their own bed, unless I want to be sharing when they are 30

and no I do not care how this sounds

Beyond rude, it's not their fault your DS sleeps with you. And must have known the villa situation before you agreed and maybe just assumed you'd get the double room.

Where is your DH in all of this? Can't you just split rooms for a week?

You and one child in one room and your DH in the other?

Is your child disabled?

I thought she just had ASD?

I have total sympathy OP. My younger daughter has ADHD which is pretty mild as SEN conditions go but it meant that as a young child there were some specific things we needed to do to let her sleep (completely dark room was tha main thing). Both our families take the attitude with kids that they will fall asleep eventually, it's all pandering, it's me being an over-anxious mother because I had recurrent miscarriage etc and so we always just booked separate accommodation to go and see them. As a result everyone thinks I'm a snobby, standoffish cow. It's fine. They all love my DD, but then they never see her kicking off from lack of sleep.

ASD is a disability. There, you learned something new today.

It's not OPs fault either she has a disabled child the grandparents don't care much about.

What about paying for an extra suitcase space and buying a thin futon mattress? Not a cheap option but you say you could have paid for your own holiday so probably doable. You then either sleep on the floor together or use as a mattress topper. You could put the mattresses together lengthways and that would avoid a bump in beteeen the 2 of you. https://www.amazon.co.uk/MAXYOYO-Japanese-Mattress-Dormitory-Adventure/dp/B0BBG16WK5/ref=sxin_14_pa_sp_search_thematic_sspa?content-id=amzn1.sym.f6fbf3b3-e08a-4fcc-8bb1-2b8aafa7a1e7%3Aamzn1.sym.f6fbf3b3-e08a-4fcc-8bb1-2b8aafa7a1e7&cv_ct_cx=roll%2Bup%2Bmattress&keywords=roll%2Bup%2Bmattress&pd_rd_i=B0B87RYFHV&pd_rd_r=f7d329fc-d1c0-40c6-aa38-d276b3c5ee74&pd_rd_w=WWt9E&pd_rd_wg=jyGby&pf_rd_p=f6fbf3b3-e08a-4fcc-8bb1-2b8aafa7a1e7&pf_rd_r=W3J1EC5MB5JCTM3XYPGD&qid=1706596553&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=1-3-ad3222ed-9545-4dc8-8dd8-6b2cb5278509-spons&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.d7e5a2de-8759-4da3-993c-d11b6e3d217f&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9zZWFyY2hfdGhlbWF0aWM&th=1

But unless they’re zip and link, they tend to move apart again. I’ve fallen down between the two beds when doing this.

we usually have a couple of cable ties with us when travelling. useful things...

@Wouldyouguess they care enough to bloody a bloody villa and spend time with the family, more than most grandparents.

Equally if the OP is in her 40s I'm going to assuming the GP are 70s and may have needs of their own that she's unaware off.

I'd just bin off the whole idea, the holiday sounds like a nightmare!

GPs are in their 50s. They could have booked a villa accommodating for their grangchilds disability. They only thought of their own sleeping arrangements. Such a backhanded service, when they knew it would not work but didn't care.

@Wouldyouguess how did they know it definitely wouldn't work as OP didn't make it clear and assumed she would get the double room without actually stating that before they booked ?

They also may have thought OP and her DD would be ok in a single bed together with 2 bedrooms to play with.

@rookiemere They are the grandparents, presumably they didn't find out the daughter is autistic only now? They talk about her? OP mentioned they don't understand the needs, which is just sad they can't be bothered with their own grandchild. Also, who books a villa to include another couple and gets them separate beds anyways.... Unless you're going on a stag do, sure, but a family holiday? The GPs saw something they liked and which suited only them and now op has to be grateful. I'd not go.

You clearly don’t want to go and it’s your way or the highway. You’re not willing to listen to anyone’s suggestions and are super entitled.

Take one of the single room, push the beds together, try different things and be a flexible human.

If there are rough nights oh well lots of time for sleeping during the day.

3 people sleeping in a double bed would be the same space wise as you sleeping in a single with a child popping in throughout the night.

To be fair the OP sounds like she doesn't even like her parents very much so I don't even know why she wants to go on holiday with them.

Equally if the OP is in her 40s I'm going to assuming the GP are 70s and may have needs of their own that she's unaware off.

OP said her mum is in her 50s.

This is why I never had a holiday with my mother and children - there would be a really unpleasant undercurrent of “I’m paying, you’re a child who doesn’t know anything, that’s my bed/armchair/etc”. Solution = I pay for my own holidays and she misses out.

OP, just don’t go on holiday with them in the same accommodation, this is your holiday too, you’re not just pretty accessories to their holiday.

It's fairly standard for villas to have one en suite master bedroom and twins in the other rooms.If I was offering someone a free stay in a villa I'd expect them to be happy with their free bedroom and move the beds together if they didn't like it.

Of course the ND DGD puts a different spin on it, but OP was free to say they needed a double bed before booking- but she didn't. Or she could have been apologetic about it I'm so sorry and should have said up front but we absolutely need a double for DD. Would that be ok? Let me pay towards the villa to make it fair. " but I very much suspect she didn't approach the conversation like that.

Conversely, there are people who aren't twats and are grateful for the gift of a holiday. My DD and her BF took our spare room in a holiday apartment last year. The offer was: we have a spare room, I'm afraid there's no Aircon in there but you're very welcome to stay with us for free. They came and had a lovely time.

I was staying in a really fancy hotel when ds1 was cosleeping and we booked a king sized bed. I arrived and was dismayed to find twins, so called reception. They sent someone up who put the beds together, put some foam thing between them and an overmattress and made it up as a king size, and you honestly wouldn't have known that there were two mattresses underneath. It just felt like a massive double bed.

Could you look into something like this?

My inlaws are like that - actually that's unfair, my FIL is like that and MIL just tries to be nice to everybody. The speed at which he whips between "let us pay for lunch, it's our treat, put your money away" to "a child will never eat that, why are you ordering it" would make your head spin. It would be great once to say to him "we're paying, our treat" and then start question whether he should really be having a stake with his bad blood pressure. I wonder how he'd like that?

Well this holiday screams of drama and it's clear op has no interest in considering other views. I wouldn't be surprised if she got there and the double is really just 2 singles pushed together already (as is frequently the case) and making this a complete non issue. I suspect this may be the last year ops parents want to holiday with op