To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

I'm trying to think of practical solutions to the problem here op....I know a lot of people have mentioned pushing the singles together, which is a good idea if they are divans but not massively practical otherwise due to the gap between beds.

First things first, I'd contact the villa owners and see if the push together is possible. With 1 double and 3 twin rooms they may have specifically purchased beds that link together for one of the rooms to enable a two family rental.

Next turn to Trip Advisor and trawl the reviews, others may comment on the bed situation. We have been in holiday let's where the beds "nearly" push together and we have been able to use spare pillows or duvets between the gap to create a good enough situation for sleeping.

Finally, someone else suggested a blow up mattress, you could pop this on top of the beds pushed together, add a bed guard/tail at the side your child would be on (as you'll now be somewhat higher than expected) and that should work.

For what it's worth I do feel it's ridiculous of your parents to prioritise their desire over their grandchildren need.

If they wanted a double, you need a double, then they shouldn't have insisted upon that accomodation.

Oh also, if the beds do link, but you think the feeling of the join in the middle may cause issues.....the linked bed will be a super king, you might want to start talking about the super king to your Mother, who may then decide that she deserves the super king as she's paying! :)

What selfish b*stards those GPs are. Paying for a holiday for their DD and family and then expecting to sleep in the best room.

Not getting a properly with more than one double- although I don't believe OP expressed this requirement until after it was booked.

I do get the issue, but I do feel offering to pay half would change the dynamics.

At what point have I said they were selfish? I have repeatedly stated that I would have no issue with this set up if we didnt have DD. This is their insistence on ONE adult taking a double bed when it would make life SO SO SO much easier for their disabled granddaughter and for me. And as stated, I believe even if we had paid half, they still would have insisted on the master bedroom.

And they didnt pay for the whole holiday. So you can stop reaching before you strain a muscle.

@Wouldyouguess

Again, a mother with a child who has very high needs would be unlikely to agree to sharing a house with people who are not used to caring for her child (due to safety concerns), and she would speak up or take over organisation of the holiday to ensure child’s needs were met rather than have a retrospective mess where child suffers as a result.

That is what I based my assumption on, the information OP gave. I didn’t assume there aren’t a spectrum of needs.

Nor did I say she should do this that or the other definitively. I made the suggestion that with 3-6 months to go it might be plausible to attempt a new routine regards bedtime and sleeping if not already attempted. I offered that we have coslept many times in two singles pushed together and had no issue. And I offered many suggestions for taking an autistic child abroad which OP did find useful.

Nothing I said was to disregard the very real issues that carers and disabled children face. But to give support and potential solutions to the problem that OP faces and sought advice for.

Maybe you should try chasing up with those charities again for help - that’s where we have got most support and we’ve spent DLA on therapies and 1:1 support on top of that.

This

Completely agree. OP sounds massively entitled and seems to have no respect for her parents.

I think you've now said (to the multiple suggestions along these lines) that two single beds pushed together won't work for your DD. However, if it's possible....

Take a superking fitted sheet to hold two single beds together, a king isn't wide enough
Yes. Maybe a mattress topper too if luggage allows.
pack a fitted double sheet
Nope, won't be big enough. Nor would a regular King size.

All OP wants to hear is that she should get the room and her parents are being massive twats. No point in wasting your time responding.

Except I dont.

I've re-read all your posts. You haven't once backed down from your original position despite lots of advice on how to make the two single beds work.

Isn't it just?
I'm 50 and my mother is 69
So I'm in my 50s and my mother is in her 60s.
She was 19 when I was born.

I mean, I asked if you would raise it again or leave it. That was my question.

I didn't really have an original position, but I guess if you mean I think they should put the needs of their GC before themselves then no, no one has managed to convince me I am wrong for that yet.

Cool, so my point still stands.

I stayed in a twin room in Spain recently and the beds couldn't be moved together because they were built into either side of a wall unit with storage space in the middle

it’s obvious - two single beds pushed together plus wriggly child who will eventually separate the beds through the night and make a gap isn’t particularly comfortable?

@strawberryswizzler If OP so desperately needs a double bed and two single beds pushed together were non negotiable, why not make that clear to her parents before they booked a villa? The Op did not.

I mean, I asked if you would raise it again or leave it. That was my question

I didn't really have an original position, but I guess if you mean I think they should put the needs of their GC before themselves then no, no one has managed to convince me I am wrong for that yet

No one is going to disagree that people shouldn't put the needs of a child with autism before their own but people don't see have it's disadvantaging the 4 year old to sleep on two (or even three!) single beds pushed together or 2 or three mattresses pushed together on the floor. This is why people are struggling to see why you are so adamant you are right.

I don't really understand why you posted. If there is a genuine reason your daughter has to have a double bed then it seem odd you are not doing to do anything about it other than start this thread.

You are right, I didnt clearly and firmly state our needs. GPs were really keen on this villa, they already know our sleeping arrangements, I didn't honestly expect DM to then take the double bed knowing what they know.
In future I will tell them clearly we cannot accept anywhere where we dont get a double bed.

My question was right there in my OP.

That is why I posted.

And there have been such wildly differing opinions its not like the answer is clear anyway?

@Bibbidybobbidyroo I suspect they simply think like most on this thread that two single beds made up as a double bed is fine. There are three bedrooms to choose from, it is going to be possible to do this in at least one of them. That is what most people would do. So if for some reason that is not acceptable then yes I think you need to be clearer about your needs.

I mean its def an eye opener to how the world views problems through a neurotypical lens!

@Bibbidybobbidyroo I mean its def an eye opener to how the world views problems through a neurotypical lens!

It's a bit more nuanced than that surely.

If you absolutely needed a double bed then you should have stated this to your DPs before booking, not assumed they would be happy with the less nice twin rooms after paying for full cost of the villa.

On the basis of your thoughts on your parents reactions

Pay your share of the accommodation charge adding an extra amount on the basis you get the double
Or pay the full amount, a lot of MNs here have stated if you pay you should get to chose your sleeping arrangements first
Then your parents can’t sulk that they paid for the accom and didn’t get what they wanted.

If you can’t / don’t want to pay then either accept
you are the guest and don’t have the double
see if you can book your own accom near by
don’t go.

Tbh it sounds like your parents need you to enjoy their holiday and don’t want to go alone.
They need to get used to enjoying their own company but essentially everyone needs to start compromising

I still really, really don't understand why you don't have a frank and honest conversation with your parents and explain calmly and rationally why it is important that you get the double bed.