To think we should get the double room?

[Bibbidybobbidyroo]

We gave a family holiday booked this year - 2 adults in family 1 (my parents), two adults one child in family 2 (us).

My parents offered to pay for the cost of the accommodation as a kind gesture (they are financially better off). The accommodation has one master bedroom with a double bed, and three other twin bedrooms.

Our child has ASD and cosleeps as it’s the only way to guarantee any sort of sleep on what I fear is already going to be a trying week - first time abroad and a big routine change. I asked if we could the the double bed otherwise I’m going to end up squashed in a single with DD. They aren’t keen at ALL. Should probably mention my dad ends up falling asleep on the sofa and staying there all night anyway so my mum will mostly have the double bed to herself.

Im grateful that they paid for the villa but I feel like it’s coming with conditions that aren’t going to be very relaxing for us at all. I would have rather just paid our share and the felt like I could push for the bigger room more.

would you raise this again or just put up and shut up and accept the financial saving?

@Bibbidybobbidyroo check first. You should be able to get assistance without buying fast track. Check if the country you are flying to lets you jump queues with disability assistance or sunflower lanyard first. In the UK you can, but go to disability assistance desk in airport and best to request it when booking your seat.
Also if you have a blue badge, some countries will recognise this, some you can apply for a local temporary blue badge if you have your UK blue badge.

We looked at pictures and videos online of what planes and airports are like and talked about the interesting seat belt and flip down tray and how we could help his teddy feel safe and he could share seatbelt if teddy will fit beside him.
Lots of talk about how lovely the holiday will be and that the plane will be noisy and vibrationy but I'll be there too. For us it was just making sure as little as possible was a surprise.
We decided to pre advertise the fact that there would be unlimited tablet time on the plane as well so he was looking forward to that 😂

There's a topsy and Tim book and amazing airplanes that we had but I don't remember mine being very interested in them (pretty standard for anything I've bought for a specific purpose 🙄)

Sling a double sheet in your suitcase and push the twins together. Job done!

@Bibbidybobbidyroo on the off chance you’re flying from Gatwick North Terminal, this is excellent

https://www.gatwickairport.com/passenger-guides/special-assistance/sensory-room.html

If there is not a sensory room, the religious room in the airport is often empty and quiet. I have used this for my child, but we obviously had to leave if anyone came to use it for religious worship.

To be honest, the religious room is better for us than the sensory room. That looks over stimulating whereas the religious room is always very calm and with low stimulation.

What a life hack!

At that time of day at this airport its mostly stag/hen groups and families so the prayer room is a great shout!

Just wanted to say (again) that you are not selfish, entitled etc, or any of the frankly quite horrific and ignorant things that have been cast at you. Money does not give you a free pass to be selfish, or buy you out of basic consideration, which seems to be lacking from your folks (and a multitude of posters!)

Possibly not right for you, but one thing that helped my son stay focused in all the queues and waits on our first long flight was a letter search - sounds daft, but I wrote a (very) short story (in word with photos of us split with pictures of airport check in etc) about finding all the letters of the alphabet starting at A for airport, B for bag drop, C for chair etc., and took some foam letters to hide along the way, so it turned the trip into a game - could work with numbers or colours etc. as well. Not sure if your daughter likes to collect things though!

Thank you. I did expect to be dragged over coals in AIBU!

Thats such a good idea - she is obsessed with numbers and letters, I might get some of the foam bath ones! Thank you xxx

If you get disability assistance you are unlikely to have to queue at all.

Two single duvets on one double bed as an absolute genius gamesaver - we adopted this years ago after hearing they did it in Scandinavia. No more cover stealing, cold feet etc.

I just can’t understand why something so essential as your DD and you getting some sleep every night wasn’t thrashed out prior to booking.
I know you may have thought you would get the double but something like this needs set in stone before committing so everyone is onboard with the arrangements.
There should be no think about it if it’s that vital.

Omg @Wouldyouguess

I am not saying that an autistic child will have definitely done abcd by X point. That is obviously not the case.

I’m telling her that - in general - if she posts on a forum asking for advice relative to a 3 year old, but tells people it is a 4 year old the advice won’t be accurate.

Most people would be very understanding, forgiving even of ANY child at 3 needing to cosleep because developmentally for any child that can be appropriate. At 4 it seems bizarre because they are at school age or heading for it. Which is why OP has all the posts giving her a hard time (ND issue aside), if she’d said 3 in the first place I don’t think people would have been so negative and it would have been easier for them to understand.

The neurodiverse aspect on top of that is a separate issue.

I am very well aware that there is a spectrum and abilities vary.

All OP has to do is talk to her Mum and tell her like it is in terms of her daughters needs and ask what they can do to support her.

It would be useful to do this and then to come back to the forum if there are further issues.

@Wouldyouguess most children at 10 are sleeping on their own. If your child has a special need you need to make it known.

@SensationalSusie I don't think the age of the DD is the issue.

My personal view is OPs sleeping arrangements with her DD are absolutely her own business and she should do whatever works for them as a family as they know their own DD best, regardless of what age she is.

However she has made it her DPs business by insisting- post booking- that they must have the only double bed, in the master bedroom which is presumably the nicest, in the villa that her DPs are solely paying for.

How soon after they’d booked it did you ask them if you could have the double room? Even if you didn’t need to co sleep with your daughter it’s weird to intentionally book a twin room for a married couple unless it happens to be their preference.

I can see why the 40s/50s thing made people suspicious though. Obviously it’s possible, but to me it automatically implies about a 10 year age gap- not parents!

I haven’t insisted on anything……

@Bibbidybobbidyroo is there any chance your daughter might top and tail with you?

I feel your pain- I’ve had to co sleep with a ND child in two narrow caravan beds pushed together many times and it is not ideal (only one double bed and my mum is disabled so actually can’t manage in a small caravan bed!), and my dad also sleeps in the living room. He has learned that if he sleeps there he will get woken up early because I can’t keep ds trapped in a bedroom until 11am every day!

If it helps, overall the holidays have been worth the less good aspects, and my son has actually slept- it’s me that has been exhausted. I put him on one bed so he is comfortable then I try and sleep on the ridge down the middle.

@Strugglingtodomybest

I think it's massively disappointing when your own parents just don't get your life

OP’s parents are not, as far as she’s said closely involved in the care of her DD.

She did not indicate to them what her daughters needs were whenever they agreed to go on holiday. And now that it is booked she still is unable to state what her child’s needs are to her mother.

If the parents have limited contact and aren’t told the needs before or after booking the holiday, do you expect them to be telepathic?!

Regarding the super king size sheet.

If you cable tie or otherwise secure 2 single divans together, stick a good quality mattress topper of about 2 inches on top and a super king size sheet there will be no gap and you shouldn’t be able to feel any difference whatsoever.

Ergo there is no reason for any drama.

Speak to Mum or sort using above items.

@LittleOwl153

You do need to prebook special assistance at airports; they only have a given amount of people available to escort you through the queues and to boarding etc.

You can be lucky, but they do expect that you follow their procedure and phone or email the airline following their procedures prior to going.

They also organise your seats of choice for free and can give extra baggage allowance etc depending on the disability there are different accomodations.

https://www.easyjet.com/en/help/boarding-and-flying/special-assistance

https://www.britishairways.com/en-gb/information/disability-assistance/assistance-available

Easyjet and BA need 48hrs advance notice. Check with airline what is available and what way of arranging help for you OP.

The airline do not provide the special assistance, the airport staff do. They have a separate team for this. They do ask you to book through your airline so they have the right amount of staff. But we use them every time and in spite of booking they never seem to know if you need a wheelchair etc and sort that out when you are there.
But virtually everywhere now you just log in and do it online, it is a very quick job.

@asrarpolar

The airline staff provide the service in the airport ie meeting you and fast tracking you through security/boarding etc., helping with bags or whatever else.

But the airlines deal with everything else and different providers can provide slightly different accommodations/services, so that is why you book via them and they put it on the special assistance system at airport.

We have found it life changing; we are all ND (though DH in denial), some physical disability too. We got it for one of the DC. But it’s just so good!!

I think it’s pretty dismissive of your parents not to let you have the master given your DD’s need. Hope you are successful with the sit down chat you’re planning.

One possibility if your mum just really wants the master room for whatever reason might be to swap the mattresses over, so she has the double bed in the Master with two single mattresses (and a king size sheet if you take one) and you have the double mattress on two singles pushed together in one of the twin rooms.

In any case, I hope you have a great holiday and you find a way to move your relationship with your parents on past this current blip into something that will serve you all well into the future.

@SensationalSusie Yes we use them every time. The only thing I have ever seen the airline do is provide special food. What else can they do?