.... to dislike fashion and 'femininity'?

[AnnaSewell]

This is prompted by having to buy a new sweater.

I dislike shopping for clothes, because I like plain comfortable clothing in dark/subdued/neutral colours. These things are not easy to find and the search for them is troublesome.

I like natural fibres and garments that have pockets. I dislike most floral designs and patterns, as well as fussy ornamentation. I don't like low necks or high hemlines.

I do not wish to be 'pretty'. I don't want to wear shoes that hurt my feet, in which it would be hard to walk or run.

I dislike wearing make-up and the thought of having to blow-dry/style my hair/have it cut regularly depresses me beyond measure. I change clothes, and bathe regularly. My morning routine consists of combing my hair and cleaning my teeth.

I don't remove body hair about from using tweezers if a single hair has appeared on my neck or chin.

I have a range of acceptable clothes for work and also some items that will do well enough for more formal occasions - weddings, funerals, celebrations.

There is a sort of pleasure in finding the right garments, but then I am happy to wear these same things again and again. (It is horrible when these items wear out, because it is hard to find exact replacements.)

Hours of time and a great deal of money is saved, this way. So I am pretty comfortable with these choices.

Does anyone out there make similar choices?

Yeah exactly.
@Tatumm actually it's the OP's clothes sourcing routine that sounds tiring... I fail to understand why 'plain comfortable clothes' are so hard to find?
What special comfort requirement does OP have that a plain t-shirt can't cover. Literally every clothing line has a plain t-shirt, oversized t-shirts are a thing too. What's so uncomfy about a massive t-shirt?

Also of course it depends on your face but my 'daily makeup', when I do leave the house on normal occasions takes 5 mins. Tinted moisturiser, lip gloss, done. While I like to look good it's also to protect my skin and lips from the sun/drying out.

Of course you’re not inherently wrong to feel as you do, and obviously do what works for you…

But there’s something puritanical, judgmental and smug about your post. The clear implication is that you are inherently superior to women who bow down to societal norms.

In fact it’s much more nuanced than you are implying. Plenty of highly intelligent and independent women like adornment, femininity and fashion for a huge number of reasons.

There is a lot of societal pressure on women to adorn themselves in a way which fits what society deems “beautiful”, but it doesn’t follow that everyone who cares about their appearance is a superior person. There’s no correlation between being deliberately vanilla and higher intelligence or purpose. And you don’t get brownie points for looking down on other women.

I neither like nor dislike fashion or femininity. Tbh I don't think I've ever thought about it.

I wear what I want, which is usually what feels comfortable and practical for the occasion.

I hate shopping though because I am a weird shape and it is impossible to find something that fits. I tend to order online then return.

Shoes are flat, practical and neutral colours.

I like wearing makeup. I find the routine of applying it calms me. Started that when I was young to cover up psoriasis to stop people staring at me. It's a mask.

I don't care about how my hair looks, but I use fancy shampoos and conditioners because it feels nice.

About once a year I get the urge to do my nails myself.

I've never had any beauty treatments.

I trim my own eyebrows.

I don't shave my legs, but they're not hairy anyway.

I recently started a nighttime skincare routine because my ageing skin is feeling dry and itchy.

I don't know what any of that says about me. I find not thinking nor caring about it saves time too.

I didn’t say women were all doing everything the media tells them to - that’s absurd - but women who genuinely don’t spend a lot of time on any aspect of their appearance are not well represented in media.

FWIW, I know a lot of men who put way more effort into their appearance and clothes choices than I do. You’re playing off ludicrous sexist tropes there.

Yes I agree the clothes sourcing sounds tiring. OP might find it helpful to rethink that. I like to look well turned out but dislike clothes shopping, so each year I go to a store that sells lots of different styles and brands, tell them my budget and their personal shopper kits me out with a capsule wardrobe. In the UK, Department stores like John Lewis and M&S offer this kind of service.

As for the make up, I think of my niece, who spends ages contouring and shading her face each morning. She looks like a work of art and she loves doing it. There’s whole online communities dedicated to make up, so all is good, but it’s not for me personally 😁

You sound like me @SmashedPrawnsInAMilkyBasket
I WFH so wear comfortable, but presentable clothes.
When I go to the office or go out I wear something more dressy, but still comfortable. I won't wear uncomfortable shoes and I wear minimum make up.

I don't have false anything - eyelashes, nails, lip fillers, boobs, but I do go to the hairdresser regularly. I don't have the kind of hair I can do myself.

@Sudsywaters and @AnnaSewell what is wrong with trying to look attractive? Is it a moral failing to want to do so?

Not people bursting out laughing when I am walking down the street but parents, schoolfriends, boyfriend, husband, neighbour.

Are you sure this is happening? Either these people are gaslighting you, in whch case you need to ditch them, or this is inside your head only.

No, she laughed at me because I had make up on.

She sounds like an unpleasant person.

But there’s something puritanical, judgmental and smug about your post. The clear implication is that you are inherently superior to women who bow down to societal norms.

I agree.

Also agree. Sigh.

You're the one who started off complaining about the 'mainstream media rhetoric' regarding female appearance, and why this is hard to resist. Implying that the OP is one who doesn't follow it.
I merely countered by pointing out the equivalent 'male' trope and how the OP is actually very far from that, and following elements of the 'female', although she claims to dislike it.

Not sure why you're accusing me of sexist tropes? Have a word with yourself and your comfortable, practical clothes.

Which by the way... lots of us 'feminine' girls also wear.

Struggling to understand why you think you're being unreasonable.

👆this

People should wear whatever they want really but the clothes I choose are generally bright colours and nice patterns and designs because I'm naturally kind of dreary and don't pull off double dreary at all

That’s not my experience - either of threads on here, or that “most women don’t wear makeup” - I’m not disputing your experience, but I am allowed to state my own experience. Demographics and other factors definitely influence experiences here.

I’m not suggesting the OP is special or unique, but I do think there’s a huge overreaction in a lot of these responses, and a tendency to generalise - “nobody puts effort in all the time / does everything” - as though that is what the OP is referring to.

I dislike shopping for clothes, because I like plain comfortable clothing in dark/subdued/neutral colours. These things are not easy to find and the search for them is troublesome

You cant be serious with this, surely? plain, black clothing or other neutral tones is absolutely abundant in pretty much every shop I've ever been in. I love plain, black clothing and have way too much of it in my wardrobe because it's literally everywhere in the shops. Equally, when out shopping, most women are NOT dressed up in heels or flowery dresses as you seem to think- most women are wearing casual jeans, yoga pants, jeggings or other such comfortable clothes. Where the hell are you shopping that all you can find is flowery dresses?

Do you accidentally get locked in a Laura Ashley store? 😂

🙄 I never said it was hard to resist, nor did I say, or imply, that the OP is the “only one” - indeed, I explicitly stated the contrary. Perhaps you missed it in your haste to dismiss my opinion.

If you think the female trope is inaccurate, why on earth would you use an equally inaccurate perceived male trope as an argument? It undermines your reasoning, it doesn’t support it.

I haven’t said anything about what “feminine” girls wear or do - perhaps you should have a word with yourself about creating straw man arguments by attributing non-existent sentiments to other people.

I’m amazed you have difficulty finding dark / neutral colours.

My mom was complaining recently that the shops are depressing her, because there wasn’t anything with colour in sight. Everything was dark and drab apparently 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I think you’re my long lost twin.

im really bemused you find it difficult to find plain clothing in muted colours and natural fabrics. The shops are littered with them. Even supermarkets and Amazon.

im struggling with the point you’re making, if you’re out and look around you, not everyone is running round pocketless in polyester , high heels and made up. It’s all a bit average, even if they don’t do it all the time, guaranteed nearly every single woman in the uk dresses as you do, and has a similar routine at least one day a week, if not more.

love island is a tv show, not real life.

If you're not dressed in sack cloth and ashes, you are basically a harlot and committing a crime against the sisterhood

Now trying to buy the right sackcloth is trouble, will grant you that.

I hate to do the whole cancer patients who have lost their hair are looking forward to being in a position to get "depressed" about the thought of having it cut.....but I will.

OP you are boringly normal. Most of us spend the day in variations of dark coloured clothes and no make up.

As for the one who claims everyone is jealous of her, well it must be her outstanding natural beauty that us mere mortals cannot possibly emulate 🤷‍♀️

Nope. Most people don't notice. If your friends are laughing at you when you try and look nice then it's a them problem, not you and you need better friends

Do you accidentally get locked in a Laura Ashley store? 😂

I also agree with everyone saying dark, plain colours are in abundance, because they are. They are even shops specialising in the aesthetic described by the OP. Muji is one that springs to mind if I wanted something like that and there are many others.

The numerous threads where there's complaints about drab colours and majority of people wearing black coats!

Do you belong to the “all men are rapists and assholes” MN group?

OP you are boringly normal. Most of us spend the day in variations of dark coloured clothes and no make up.

I think the op has not understood she is the norm, not the media stereotype, yes most women do some of the things she dislikes some of the time,makeup, hair, patterned or coloured clothing, but it’s a small minority that can be arsed doing that everyday unless they work in a role, that they feel they wish to present like that or are socialising.

most of us, especially since Covid, and the work from home phenomenon are presenting just ss she is. The only difference is, we cam walk into most shops an buy an item of clothing in a dark or neutral colour with pockets.

Wow. I don't normally agree when people post threads complaining that MNers are like a bunch of mean girls in the playground, but....

The OP doesn't like fashion (fair enough - there's plenty not to like about it), prefers plain, neutral clothes and does not wear make-up. She finds it hard to buy plain, neutral clothes in natural fibres and in styles she really likes. So she’s pretty fussy about what she wears <shrug>.

Contrary to many of the defensive, snarky 14 year-old-style #notlikeothergirls comments, I think that does mean she has different taste/style from the majority of women, though not very unusual. The OP wondering whether others might think she's unreasonable for disliking fashion is not an attack on you

ok, so what style/taste do the 'majority of women' have then?

What? Those are probably the most widely available clothing there is. It wouldn’t be so widely available if there wasn’t a huge market for it.

I think you sound fairly normal in your choices OP.

There are several threads on style & beauty from women, who may be interested in fashion, but like you they dislike frills and flounces and prefer natural fabrics .

I'm fairly similar myself. Not so bothered as to the fabric but I definitely prefer simple clean lines in clothing and neutral colours . Also have a very simple beauty / hygiene routine . I do keep my hair trimmed and coloured, shave my legs etc in summer and wear sunscreen plus a light foundation but that's about it.

I wonder how old you are OP? As possibly the way you feel is more common with older women who have the confidence to just be themselves and therefore don't feel unusual in being like this (or even care if they are!)