.... to dislike fashion and 'femininity'?

[AnnaSewell]

This is prompted by having to buy a new sweater.

I dislike shopping for clothes, because I like plain comfortable clothing in dark/subdued/neutral colours. These things are not easy to find and the search for them is troublesome.

I like natural fibres and garments that have pockets. I dislike most floral designs and patterns, as well as fussy ornamentation. I don't like low necks or high hemlines.

I do not wish to be 'pretty'. I don't want to wear shoes that hurt my feet, in which it would be hard to walk or run.

I dislike wearing make-up and the thought of having to blow-dry/style my hair/have it cut regularly depresses me beyond measure. I change clothes, and bathe regularly. My morning routine consists of combing my hair and cleaning my teeth.

I don't remove body hair about from using tweezers if a single hair has appeared on my neck or chin.

I have a range of acceptable clothes for work and also some items that will do well enough for more formal occasions - weddings, funerals, celebrations.

There is a sort of pleasure in finding the right garments, but then I am happy to wear these same things again and again. (It is horrible when these items wear out, because it is hard to find exact replacements.)

Hours of time and a great deal of money is saved, this way. So I am pretty comfortable with these choices.

Does anyone out there make similar choices?

This is such an none issue. If I had to guess I'd say 1/3 of women are similar to you, 1/3 love shopping and beautification and the other 1/3 are somewhere in the middle. All are as female as the next.

I wear loads of plain, not particularly feminine clothes for work. In dark colours. Not in yet slightest bit hard to find.

I am say in a pair of baggy women's joggers, a man's v neck t-shirt (ex dp left them here) and a hoodie that I got from work that's really for the field engineers. Which are mainly men.

I don't get this post to be honest. Op can't possibly believe she is the only woman that doesn't want to look feminine or wear flowery patterns. Given that not all women wear feminine clothes or flowery patterns.

Tons or women don't go to hairdressers or wear make up. It's really not unique.

I don't really get the point of the post or what the aibu.

No. As you must know from your daily life, you are the ONLY woman who makes those choices. Every single other one of the 3 billion women on the planet are strutting around like Barbie in heels, full make up, short dresses and blow dry's, every single day. You are completely unique in wearing flat shoes and comfortable clothes.

No, she laughed at me because I had make up on.

My son is like this. His day to day clothes are versions of his pjs. He does minimum hygiene, if he's reminded.

I do everything. Girlier than girly; scruffier than Stig. But mainly, this time of year, warm.

There are millions of women like this OP and not all as insecure as you!
Buying a sweater prompts you to writer this essay.. "I'm not like other girls TM". Coolio.

What exactly was your AIBU again?

Given that so many threads on here preach things like self care - specifically things like having your nails/hair done - as a means to make yourself feel better, I don’t think all the responses on this thread are entirely fair.

I don’t wear make up, I wear comfortable, practical clothes (some bland, some geeky, some menswear) and my hair is as low maintenance and nondescript as it’s possible to be, and whilst I do have similar friends and acquaintances, the vast majority of the people I meet make different choices. It’s unusual not to wear makeup or to enjoy going to “dressed up” occasions, if you believe the rhetoric of mainstream society / media / threads in here.

And, while I’m happy with my choices, and don’t judge other people for theirs, it’s a bit shit when the media is ramming it down your throat that you should be doing things differently.

She actually openly laughed because you were wearing make up? Had she never seen a woman with make up before? When was this?

With respect you must realise these weird instances are totally out of the ordinary and not the norm for every tiebreaker woman on the planet?

Just join vinted or shop in supermarkets and camping shops.

I would say I am like you OP, but only in terms of I do me.

I too get very frustrated that all the shops all seem to follow the current fashion so you can only get wide leg trousers/ skinny trousers/ boxy jumpers/ cold shoulder jumpers/ shitty tie sleeves... all at once & everywhere.

But my style is more feminine because androgynous boxy clothing puts a stone on me & I like occasional bright colours & prints.

Clothing is just a form of expression, innit? Some people will always judge on appearance but who gives a shit about them?

You know, the media tells women that we should be doing 100001 things. But very few women actually do all of that. We just pick and choose the bits that we like. What exactly do you find shit? Nobody's making you do anything.

IMO the OP claims to dislike 'fashion' and 'femininity'. Which is ironic because spending aaaaages looking for the 'perfect garment', even if said garment is not 'fashionable'. Is an extremely, erm, 'feminine' thing to do!

Do men, in general, care about their clothes? Nope. A t-shirt is a t-shirt. End of. None of this faffing over 'natural fibres'. And pockets. If you genuinely did not care, like me, in certain moods. You'd just pick up whatever that was lying around. I've been known to step out in my husband's t-shirts and a supermarket shopping bag. Now that, my dear, is genuinely not caring.

Newsflash sweetie we all have that 'perfect wardrobe item' that we wear again and again. Did you think that all the other women have a Paris Hilton style walk-in wardrobe and that we all never wear the same thing twice?? 😂

honestly OP sounds like someone who has never encountered another real life woman???

OP isn't looking for trackies and hoodies, I'm getting Hessian vibes

Nails, hair done are self care for some people. Let's not pretend there's also loads of other ways mentioned as well. Like reading or exercising or a hobby.

Nails and hair are, usually, mentioned when the poster is specially down about how they look. Along with other suggestions.

It's really not unusual to not wear make up. If I think about the wome at work, most do not.

Plenty of the women don't go to our Christmas parties etc, because we dont want to get dressed up. There's one event a year that I go to and thats because its during the work day.

Most of us don't do something the media says we should.

This is a good point. I bet op spends more time thinking about clothes and clothes choices than alot of women do. Wethwr they dress feminine or not

Where has OP said or even suggested this? You are being ridiculous.

I think they were being facetious and implying OP’s choices are more common than she realises

I'm very girly, love makeup, getting my hair and nails done etc, but the majority of my clothes are neutral colours because I like them and it's easier to mix and match that way. I also live in DH's hoodies and never wear heels.

I'm not sure about the point of your thread. People are all different, so what?

To be fair Op you sound like 75% of the population, including men. I don't think there is anything special or unusual about how you present yourself.
Don't judge women and fashion though. Fashion and make up are art, they tend to be looked down on IMO because they are seen as women's things.
I don't look down on fashion or make up at all. They are complex and ancient cultural tools and a lot of men's and women's fashions is highly gendered and beautiful in my opinion.

I'm aware they were being facetious. That much is pretty obvious.

I saw nothing in OP's post which suggests she believes her choices are unique. She refers merely to personal taste and asks if others share it. (Which tends, incidentally, to imply precisely the opposite).

It's bizarre that some women get sufficiently prickly in response to others' personal tastes that they would post malicious, barbed digs about it. Then again, this is AIBU and here barbed digs are stock-in-trade.

I’d find dressing only in plain/subdued/neutral clothing depressing beyond measure. Bright/rich colours and prints are not in themselves “feminine”. Men wear them too.

IMO the OP claims to dislike 'fashion' and 'femininity'. Which is ironic because spending aaaaages looking for the 'perfect garment', even if said garment is not 'fashionable'. Is an extremely, erm, 'feminine' thing to do!

I agree. My sister, who genuinely doesn't care what she wears or looks like, would be confused by OP's preference for particular colours. My sister will just buy whatever fits her, and her need at that point. She needs a t shirt - great, the first one that fits and is in budget is what she'll buy, be it plain black, or flowery. And she'll wear it with whatever trousers she grabs first from her wardrobe.
My sister is quite superior about it, and would consider OP to be frivolous for having any preference at all.

@AnnaSewell It’s a shame some posters have gotten defensive, as it’s interesting to unpick what it is that some of us dislike about fashion and that particular definition of femininity you describe.

YANBU at all to dislike the fashion industry, it is one of the most polluting industries on earth, has a massive carbon footprint, it encourages people consume too many resources and there are dodgy labour practices. Kudos to people working in this industry who are trying to make things better.

It is understandable to resent the pressure to follow fashion and to present in a particular way in order to be seen as feminine. The way we present to the world is personal to us and resentment is understandable when any aspect of it feels dictated by others. For some of us it probably stems from having to wear a school uniform.

The second is the time penalty all this clothes sourcing and personal grooming imposes. By ditching routines such as daily make up and weekly hair removal, I save around 100 hours a year that I can spend on something that serves my interests better, such as exercising, which indirectly improves appearance anyway!

OMG I completely agree!
I asked DH why painting a wall is considered manly and respectable, so is 'decorating' as a trade but not makeup. It's the same thing. He had no answer.

I am similar though I do like bright colours but I’m not fashionable at all, I wear what I find comfortable or what ever I like the look of. I mainly live in dungarees and long sleeved plain tops, jeans and t-shirts, DM’s or trainers. I never wear heals or pretty shoes, would rather spend my money on good walking boots than I would in shoes or handbags. I don’t wear make up or perfume. I do get my hair cut as I have short hair and I do colour it as I have been going grey since I was 18 😬.

No, I love fashion and clothes, getting my hair done, trying new makeup, skincare and beauteous products. Brings me joy.