Homeoffice fees

[Lucky2shoes]

Dp is on limited leave to remain and we are so upset at what it's going to cost to renew for another 2.5 years. It's in the region of £4500. We both feel like our lives are wrecked and I feel like there is no point in my life anymore. I'm on zero hour contract as I'm unwell due to autism/adhd plus other conditions I can't work more hours and dp is full-time minimum wage we are not entitled to any benefits.
On top of all of this dp has dependants although mostly grown up in his home country who put immense pressure on him to help financially due to poor earnings.
I don't know what to do about this situation but I feel like checking out of my life but I feel so bad for dp who is a very good person.

Like other posters have pointed out he needs to stop sending money home or start planning on returning to his home county when he can't pay the fees. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had to live on almost nothing for years while waiting to apply for my ILR. My husband couldn't find a job so my crappy care job had to cover everything. Things became a lot easier once I got ILR and he finally got a job.

Yes the system is crap, but why can't you see that he's taking the piss.?

Interesting point- but you assume DP's country is somewhere OP would like to live.
In some countries she would be totally dependend and not able to work (this may not have been important to you, it is however to some), no guarantee her DP would have a well paid job after years of living here, maybe she would be dependend on PiLs whom we dont know if she gets on. I imagine if his fmaily is unhappy with him paying less, they are very entitled and selfish, and not someone Id personally like to live with.
I had a number of friends who went back to our home country at one point only ti come back as life was not necessarily that much cheaper after all and many struggled to find employment (and their spouses struggled even more). things are very different most places these days than 20 years ago.

You may also notice the news is very biased about economic migrants, dont believe everything Suella tell you. Also, wherever he choses to send his money is none of your concern, maybe he could travel and spend 400 quid a month on holiday abroad and he is entitled to dpo so, maybe you could spend extra £400 to help the conomy here instead?

OP are you sure there isn't a wife and kids back in Pakistan, it's not unusual in this situation.

OMG how could you ever find out if this was the case?

I dare say there are, but that isn't relevant to anything in the OPs post, except highlights even more that sending £400 they haven't got to India every month is ridiculous.

He can spend his £400 on whatever he wants, nobody would be disputing that if you can afford your other outgoings. But then he/his partner shouldn't be complaining they can't afford the visa fees surely? You choose to spend £400 a month out of a minimum wage pay packet then what is the OP expecting?

Theres no way to find out. I knew a guy of Pakistani family and he travelled to his fathers village in Pakistan, as an adult and discovered his fathers wife and adult kids.turned out his father and mother only married in a UK mosque and never had a legal marriage!

Quietly likely, I would have thought.

£400 a month would keep a poor Pakistani family going along quite nicely. His mother and father and in-laws are probably getting a cut of it too.

How old is you partner, OP?
It's very unusual that a Pakistani man hasn't married or had a family by his mid-twenties, especially in the poorer communities.

He may have even left, just to come here with the sole intention of supporting them.

You can't speak his language, so you'll never be able to know what he's saying on the phone.

if you make another attempt at a PIP claim and are successful, he'll probably send more money home, and you'll be in the same situation.
he needs to pay his way - including his home office fees - before he sends cash home.

I quoted the user because the tone of what they wrote was really racist (go back home economic migrants or contribute more to the wonderful British economy).

I wrote before DP should not be sending money home if he cant afford to live here, but I also know many people from the region and this is the culture to contribute to your parents lives once they are older, and sadly he is the product of the culture and his family back home are not willing to give up on their nice life at the cost of the son's wellbeing (unless he is married and needs to also support his kids, who knows).

Wherever he choses to send his money is none of your concern

It is for OP though, if she's expected to fund his own obligations only to see him spending much needed money elsewhere, and that would apply just the same if he was UK born and bred

Luckily we're told that he agrees this needs to stop, though whether he means it or it's just words to keep her on side and subbing him is anyone's guess

In this case though he has no choice, he has to spend the money or the gravy train stops.
Unless he's planning to manipulate OP into getting a credit card or something? Idk.

If he was after easy cheaper visa he would have probably banged himself an EU girl all that years ago. Though there would be less vulnerability and bullshit tolerance....

I think I'd tell him his salary on minimum wage for working up to 40 hours a week. must be used for living expenses for you both and saving towards this money he needs to pay to stay in UK. Then if he wants to send money home to Pakistan he needs to get a promotion, do overtime or get a second job. There is loads of additional work about delivering takeaway food on a bike. I think that's very fair. OP I'd be putting this to him. If he doesn't pay this £4k he'll be sent back to Pakistan then his family over there will get nothing.

Nah OP. Your DP is choosing to send the money back in the hope you fund the visa. If he can afford that much a month he needs to take the decision to stay and save or go back. If you're really keen you can move back, many people learn another language and I've lived abroad myself as an adult, you can manage but tbh this one doesn't sound like the catch you seem to think he is.

Here's my brutal answer OP:

He's sending the money back to his wife and kids in Pakistan who don't even know you exist. He is using you and, as a low skilled worker who can't drive and with not much else going for him, you are the best he can get for his purposes. He's here to earn money to send home and telling you bullshit. £400 a month is a fortune in Pakistan.

You need to ditch this relationship and concentrate on your own well being and the rest of your life. Ask for a form to apply for PIP, you don't have to do it over the phone. Then apply for a Housing Association house in the names of you and your son before you get too much older, more ill and have sunk any lower.

@MrsSkylerWhite out of curiosity- is an immigrnt pays taxes, what 'support' do you think the country is offering them back that rationalise the cost of £4500 for renewal of fees every few years?

YABVU to want PIP when your partner is sending £400 a month to his family abroad.

I would bet my last pound that he has a wife in Pakistan

The OP won't be back as she got the same answers as last time. And the time before.

No one thinks the home office should waive the fees for a low skilled man who is probably lying to you and doesn't contribute anything of value to anyone. Apart from his 'family' abroad.

And I'm sure others, like I do, worry about your well being if this continues. As it will end one way or the other and you don't seem prepared for that.

I have been busy hence the silence his wife passed away years ago. I have only ever seen his kids and siblings on video calls.

Bluntly he needs to stop sending them money and then pay the fees, or he doesn't and get deported and then they really do get nothing.

He seems to be taking you for a ride IMO, you shouldn't be subsidising people in other countries and struggle to live.

But you didn't listen before and you won't again.

If he doesn't pay this £4k he'll be sent back to Pakistan then his family over there will get nothing

While the principle's spot on I doubt it'll come to that; OP seems so convinced it's her role to help him that she'll probably find a way of paying his fees herself

Obvious question I know, but what's to stop him getting a second job - casual if necessary? Clearly it would be better not to mention this to his relatives to avoid the demands ramping up yet more, but at least it would enable him to make more of a contribution

Well he's hardly going to put his wife on the video call, is he....