Homeoffice fees

[Lucky2shoes]

Dp is on limited leave to remain and we are so upset at what it's going to cost to renew for another 2.5 years. It's in the region of £4500. We both feel like our lives are wrecked and I feel like there is no point in my life anymore. I'm on zero hour contract as I'm unwell due to autism/adhd plus other conditions I can't work more hours and dp is full-time minimum wage we are not entitled to any benefits.
On top of all of this dp has dependants although mostly grown up in his home country who put immense pressure on him to help financially due to poor earnings.
I don't know what to do about this situation but I feel like checking out of my life but I feel so bad for dp who is a very good person.

Tell the family the truth. If he doesn’t stop payments for ten months to save up the fee then he will be deported and there will be no more future payments ever.

8 years known each other lived together almost 6

Oh, OP. Take the blinkers off and go back and read the hundreds of replies on your previous posts. Why are you prioritising this 'relationship' over your health and relationship with your son (who must be sick of the whole thing). Why is your self-esteem so low that you're choosing this life over all the better ones you could have? It doesn't have to be this way.

Your life will never change if this continues. If he didn’t pay this, he’d save the £4.5 inside a year.

This will be your life forever. Is this what you want? A partner who can’t get on in life because he gives into a (cultural) guilt trip?

Why haven’t you married each other and applied for a spousal visa?

I doubt it would make a difference will still have all associated visa costs

There's so many of us who remember OP!

Are you telling me to leave dp because I can't

How long have you had to start planning and saving for this next visa fee though? How long does one last? Surely you would start saving for the next one when the first one was granted and start researching what you need

Spouse visa, if you are already on the route by April, I believe, then the income change isn't moving (check this).

But it seems like you aren't after solutions. He overstayed, there's the confusion over being your carer: the system is so harsh precisely to discourage situations like yours.

And it is harsh, my husband is on it. But for you, the fees will be every 2.5 years, x 4, then more to actually settle.

He's from Pakistan and subscribes to the cultural obligation to support his family financially but he doesn't subscribe to the cultural obligation/norm to get married? If you've been in a romantic relationship for 6 years, why has he never married you? What do his family think about that?

I'm sorry, alarm bells are still ringing. In the UK, we're not as big on marriage but in Pakistani culture it's very important and really encouraged.

It doesn't feel like a relationship to me, it seems more like a co-dependent situation you've both got yourselves into.

So that's between you and your ex. You give your own son far less than your DH sends back to his family. I wouldn't agree with that.

Are you telling me to leave dp because I can't

He'll be leaving you if he doesn't pay the fees!

it does spund like he is using you to stay in the uk.

tread carefully and don't get pregnant

I have thought about it but ds has done okay and will soon be out of uni and earning his own money. I have given ds extra as needed if he needs it and have never left him without.

Look OP many, many people in UK totally resent someone in your DP's situation. The country has too many economic migrants - it is the news virtually every day. It might be thought by many that your partner should not be sending money earned here to relatives abroad but use it in UK to finance himself and contribute to THIS country. If he gets his visa will the rest of his family wish to follow in his foot steps -claiming through him , so the cycle will go on and on? Have you ever thought he may leave you for pastures new if he gets his visa? Best wishes anyway.

It’s hard on you but the system is designed to reduce burdens on the UK economy. An unskilled worker who is sending home every spare (and not spare) penny is not in the UK interests to encourage. OK if he wants to be here because his partner is here but I am suspicious of his priorities.

This is such a valid point. The system is designed for people to be earning and putting back into the UK economy, not some other country's. I haven't read your other threads but it seems a lot of other posters have and it seems frustrating you haven't taken anything on board. You may love your partner but I suspect he doesn't love you in the same way unfortunately.

He is contributing through his ni and tax paid through wages the nhs surcharge is seen as a double taxation

£400 each month is a crazy amount!!

He needs to tell them it has to stop, especially as he is unskilled, and can't find jobs here.

The high Home Office fees are to dissuade people from the third world to come here as unskilled economic opportunists.

If you are a qualified ("needed") person, then the fees should be manageable as you would have a well-paying job and be here legally.

I think your partner is on a sticky wicket OP.

I'm not scared of telling him to reduce money sent back home and he agrees this needs to be done

Sounds like problem solved to me, and £400 pcm x 12 will pay his fees.
Yes he'll get grief from the family who'll believe he's hit the jackpot, but they're 1000s of miles away and you can easily control how much they contact you

Whether or not it was wise to get involved with him in the first place is water under the bridge, but saying you "can't" leave may not be a decision that's in your hands if it turns out he's using you for the visa ("Dp was a overstayer unfortunately ... [he] would have been sent back if he hadn't met me")

Anf if the PP was correct that you have a son of your own, where's he in all this while his mum's bending herself in two and spending money to keep this guy here?

There are Highley skilled people struggling with the fees as well

Nobody falls in love as quickly as a man without a place to live and/or needing a visa.

He'll be off once he's got it.

He isn't a net contributer on his salary, and presumably stymied your access to UC while you don't benefit from his salary as he sends it home.

Think it through OP, it's pretty glaringly obvious what is going on here.

In the UK, we're not as big on marriage but in Pakistani culture it's very important and really encouraged

While true, this often relates to marriages within the same culture, whereas a western woman can be seen as less desirable - too independent, wrong culture/religion and less likely to bend to a husband and his family's wishes

For some they'regarded as a pretty useful route to a visa though ...

Op, it really sounds like you have been sucked into a situation that is not good for you and although he might seem very nice and kind, it is only because you are his ticket. It sounds like you are being financially abused living in squalour to support his family and his plans.

You might feel he is your saviour, or feel good about yourself because you "saved" him, but it is all a fantasy, not reality and it will go really bad down the line when he doesn't need you anymore.

If you dont have anyone in RL that can be honest with you and help you understand this and sort it all out, you need to contact a professional agency like womans aid for support.

I welcome immigration, the former success of the UK is based on it and we need fit young families cotinting now as much if not more than we ever have, especially with the crisis in the NHS and social care.
However, I think it’s only fair that those wishing to reside in the UK should cover the administrative costs of their application/visa and any support that they receive whilst they are here.

I suspect that £400 per month goes a long way in Pakistan. The solution is obvious. Cut right back on what he’s sending home and take on a second job until he’s raised the money. If the family continues to pile on the pressure, he must temporarily block them whilst maintaining reduced payments.

Our youngest works in hospitality part time whilst studying and he is constantly being asked to take on extra shifts. The company has had “we are recruiting” posters outside for many months. I see them everywhere.

It will mean less support for you for a few months but it’s that or none at all if he has to return.

Best of luck.