To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

[Thecurtainsdontmeet]

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

I think even if someone offers extra it should not be taken up, if you wanted to bring more than the four then pay for the extra without mentioning to him that more are coming with you .

I agree.

Since this is over email (they will keep it), make sure you explain where the 8 tickets came from. let the email be dignified on your end.

”They will keep it”?! 😆😆 This thread gets more and more deranged. It’s a corporate event giveaway that the giver forgot about. He’s not going to take the OP to court to try to prove he never offered her eight tickets.

Also - and I can’t believe I’m having to point out this very basic fact again - he gave her the eight tickets!!!

Would Op feel better if she offered the school an extra donation for the extra tickets? Hope she enjoys the game.

why though? If someone offers extra, surely believe they mean it. If they don’t mean it, they shouldn’t offer.

I feel bizaarely angry on behalf of the OP here. She has done nothing wrong!

the man said very clearly - it's not a big deal if you bring more people - he stressed that very specifically to her. He didn't need to say it and he said it - he didn't say - I could add a couple more tickets - he said 'it doesn't matter to me if you bring more than 4 just let me know'

Quite clearly he will literally never think about this again as he barely considered it while she was trying to get the tickets!!

the fact she has been left feeling embarassed is on him and his poor manners.

I'd go. Why disadvantage yourself because of his crap behaviour. Just reply, saying thanks it's appreciated and it sounds like he might have forgotten your conversation where he offered additional tickets, but you'll note for next time if you ever win again.

The fact you asked for double the number of tickets is cheeky AF. I'm not sure you've really been wronged here.

Why though? He was under no obligation to say yes. It’s ok to ask for things.

@Oaktree55 i honestly think that’s a really strange viewpoint. I only offer more if I genuinely mean it and can accommodate the extra, and am sometimes a little disappointed if the offer isn’t taken up! If you are offering something you can’t do it in the hope that the recipient will decline!

There is a lot of cap doffing here with people claiming it'ss 'so rude' to actually take someone up on an offer. I find this depressing. the guy said it because he meant it - why would anyone presume otherwise.

Its bad manners that the OP had to chase him at all -

I'm cringing at you asking for 8 tickets - double the original prize. He probably meant if you had 3 kids he could make it 5 tickets.

To ask for double does sound pretty rude.

This. I would have assumed he meant if you had a larger family or whatever, not effectively doubling so you can take extras.

So why didn’t you ask for 10 more tickets? Or even 15? Where’s the line for you between accepting an offer and taking the piss?

Just say thanks.

Or if he’s the type of person I’m imagining, encourage your DH/ DP if you have one to be in charge of future dealings with him.

He does sound very disorganised. In fact he sounds like a particular Dad whose son used to be in my son’s class (and was the class bully).

This sounds exactly like the family I’m thinking of. She runs the local youth club, he runs a boys football team. Won’t play boys whose families he doesn’t like so much (nb this but is second hand, my son doesn’t play football).

When he son was being the class bully school didn’t want to know as they donated so much money to the school.

Come on there's bringing someone extra then there's bringing 4 extra! Piss take

I'd combine options a and b. Take the 8 tickets but remind him politely that he had offered more because he may have forgotten.

don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

I’m really surprised at how many people don’t get that a school raffle prize is going to be pretty low priority for a very busy person. When the OP chased - after six weeks, suggesting it wasn’t that high a priority for her either - she got an answer, he was kind enough to remind her that the dates she’d requested clashed with a school event, and he gave the OP the spare tickets she wanted. What has he done wrong?

He's made her feel cheeky for being cheeky. 🤷

She forgot a school arrangement, he forgot to reply about another one. Such is life.

You've gone through all the pain. Now have some of the gain.
Turning it down just makes you look sulky.

He's agreed to 8 even if he was huffy. The tickets were offered as a money raising prize he got kudos from donating. He repeatedly didn't respond which is really rude. I suppose the donation glow dimmd the further away from the event.

Take the 8 tickets, go and enjoy it, thank him.

I wouldn't sweat it anymore or try to think about what his feelings/attitude etc might be...you just don't know him well enough so its all speculation.

So what if he feels its a bit of a bore. He offered and now he has to step up to the plate ( sporting metaphor there).

This is quite a public forum tho.

A for sure!!!!

agree with others asking for 4 extras you are CF

I think you’re probably like me, I’d never offer something that I wasn’t fully prepared to follow through on and I’ve ended up doing things I didn’t really want to in the past because I’d offered and I don’t like letting people down.

I also take people at their word so I wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong with asking for 4 extra tickets unless it was something where I knew the tickets were very expensive and limited in number.

It took me longer than it should have to learn that some people say things they don’t mean and you’re just supposed to know they won’t follow through on it, usually because they see themselves as far too important to remember the little people they’ve interacted with. I give these people a wide berth once I’ve worked out they’re like that.

I think it's a British politeness thing possibly. Often things are offered but they're not meant to be acted on. Just a polite oh thank you is expected never to be mentioned again. I think there are lots of examples of this.

It's embarrassing that you chased him for it and emailed his wife op. You should feel embarrassed. I wouldn't go, but seeing as you've put so much effort in to contacting him over and over again it would be really rude not to.