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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

265 replies

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 07:36

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 31/01/2024 10:14

Just go. Enjoy the event and talk to him only when needed. If he feels the need to keep pointing out he donated the tickets just point out politely that it’s for the good of the charity and no praise should be needed!

MiamiWindMachine · 31/01/2024 14:58

T1Dmama · 31/01/2024 10:14

Just go. Enjoy the event and talk to him only when needed. If he feels the need to keep pointing out he donated the tickets just point out politely that it’s for the good of the charity and no praise should be needed!

Make sure you do it with the haughtiest, most smug look on your face you can muster too. Extra points if you add in a supercilious tone, “I donate to charity all the time, and I wouldn’t dreeeeeeaaaam of expecting praise for it”.

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 24/03/2024 19:58

Update
@Anneta . I sent option b. He replied saying not to worry, 8 was fine. I messaged back asking him how would we get the tickets/entrance passes. He hasn’t replied. The event was yesterday.

OP posts:
Fuzziduck · 24/03/2024 20:07

So you didn't get to go?
I
Definitely feed that back for next raffle.

Fulfordfluff · 24/03/2024 20:11

Don't say you are embarassed. Just say “Apologies for the misunderstanding.”

Namerchanger1 · 24/03/2024 20:13

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 24/03/2024 19:58

Update
@Anneta . I sent option b. He replied saying not to worry, 8 was fine. I messaged back asking him how would we get the tickets/entrance passes. He hasn’t replied. The event was yesterday.

Oh what a prick! Did you tell the school?

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 24/03/2024 20:17

@Namerchanger1 there is no point in telling school. The family donate a lot of money to school, and the school won’t risk the donations over a ‘poxy’ raffle prize offer that they didn’t fulfil.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 24/03/2024 20:18

I used to chair the PSA, we had a raffle winner start legal action, as we pulled the prizes in the wrong order.

The school will have a gaming licence (or should) to run the raffle, and they have unwittingly now been put in a position of breaking the terms of that licence.

Part of the conditions are that you have to report back the value of the prizes against the amount taken in the raffle (has to be a certain % of value), so again, that’s school in a difficult position

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 24/03/2024 20:24

@ExtraOnions gosh! I had no idea. Honestly, we would come out worse off. Life’s too short!

OP posts:
Axx · 24/03/2024 20:32

What a total pain.

Out of interest what was the event? Sorry you missed out.

seasaltwater · 24/03/2024 20:43

Ahhhh that's pretty annoying.

I'd be a bit pissed off if I was you OP especially as no mechanism to go back to anyone and say the CF didnt actually donate anything to the raffle.

Padamae · 24/03/2024 21:04

I'd email back and not mention feeling embarrassed but just say "apologies, you did offer extra tickets when we spoke, if this is now an issue the original 4 will be fine." Then take the tickets and go and enjoy yourself.

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 24/03/2024 21:08

@Padamae youve missed todays update @1958

OP posts:
Lilacanemone · 24/03/2024 23:00

Oh, how crap. You really should mention it to the school, this person is a prat and needs to stop offering prizes for raffles that he doesn’t provide.

TempName247 · 25/03/2024 08:39

I think you should tell the school, you can phrase it carefully, say you feel there has been some miscommunication when you were trying to arrange your prize tickets and the date has now passed, please let me know if there is an alternative prize offered as the children are really disappointed to have missed out. Much appreciated…

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 19/04/2024 07:31

Update.
the saga continues.
much to my surprise I got a ‘reply’ email this week asking ‘where are we at with these tickets’? He isn’t replying to my ‘how do we get the tickets?’ email the week before the game, but the message before that. So he either genuinely missed my ‘how do we get the tickets’ email, whilst also forgetting that we’d firmed up a date (very clear in the email trail) or he is choosing to ignore my email and the fact that we’d arranged a date. Either way, I’m done with this. How do I politely reply including my ‘how do we get the tickets email?’ to say something like ‘I thought we’d agreed on x date, and I didn’t hear back from you re ticket collection. We don’t seem to be able to co-ordinate on this! It was a really kind offer, but I think we’ll just give it a miss’.

OP posts:
JustJoinedRightNow · 19/04/2024 07:33

Just do exactly that - forward your email and reply to his email (without including his email) and write exactly what you've written. I would stick in a dig about the match date having well and truly passed though too.

Sodndashitall · 19/04/2024 07:35

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 19/04/2024 07:31

Update.
the saga continues.
much to my surprise I got a ‘reply’ email this week asking ‘where are we at with these tickets’? He isn’t replying to my ‘how do we get the tickets?’ email the week before the game, but the message before that. So he either genuinely missed my ‘how do we get the tickets’ email, whilst also forgetting that we’d firmed up a date (very clear in the email trail) or he is choosing to ignore my email and the fact that we’d arranged a date. Either way, I’m done with this. How do I politely reply including my ‘how do we get the tickets email?’ to say something like ‘I thought we’d agreed on x date, and I didn’t hear back from you re ticket collection. We don’t seem to be able to co-ordinate on this! It was a really kind offer, but I think we’ll just give it a miss’.

I'd say exactly what you put and maybe add if there was another date that suited you'd still love to go?

Aishah231 · 19/04/2024 07:42

Hi OP. I'd copy your previous emails to the message you've written above so there's no avoiding the fact he's either ignored or missed your emails. I wouldn't go now seems too much hassle.

peakygold · 19/04/2024 07:51

I'd tell him to stick his tickets/raffle prize up his poo shute.

Ifulikepinacoladas · 19/04/2024 08:01

I wouldn't reply at all. You're entering into another conversation. Just ignore like he's been ignoring you. And pretend none of this ever happened when you see him!

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 19/04/2024 08:01

@peakygold thats what is love to say.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 19/04/2024 08:03

If you still want to go, you could ask if he has a PA you could liaise with, as they might be more efficient

MichelleMcBelle · 19/04/2024 08:11

I’d copy your previous email message including the date sent in your reply to him, mark it as priority and requesting a read receipt or similar! What an arse he is!

Bjorkdidit · 19/04/2024 08:46

NeedToChangeName · 19/04/2024 08:03

If you still want to go, you could ask if he has a PA you could liaise with, as they might be more efficient

Yes, one you can call and speak to save going round in circles with email tennis.

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