To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

[Thecurtainsdontmeet]

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

I can't believe this is still going on! I feel so sorry for you, practically begging for these tickets, that never happen. Yes I think you should send your email, and draw a line under the whole thing.

I'd reply and say gosh, when you didn't reply to my previous regarding the tickets I just wrote the prize off. Let's leave it here. . Enjoy your weekend. you prat

I'd reply saying what you said in your update basically. As we don't seem to be able to coordinate a date I think it is best to give up now and move on. Take care.
It's absolutely ridiculous and I'd be so over going by now. If he replies to you declining the tickets, just ignore.

Agree, I think I just wouldn't engage any more. It's just a waste of energy

much to my surprise I got a ‘reply’ email this week asking ‘where are we at with these tickets’? He isn’t replying to my ‘how do we get the tickets?’ email the week before the game, but the message before that.

He remembered he’d forgotten to reply to you and is now desperately saving face. Would be more gracious to admit it, apologise profusely and offer an alternative, but it doesn’t sound like his style.

I think I’d email back - on the forwarded chain - with “Must be some mistake - I thought we’d agreed on x date, but didn’t hear back from you and didn’t want to keep hassling you if it was a problem of some sort. If it is a problem, please do say and we can leave it? Otherwise, DS would really love to go if there’s an alternative. Hope all’s well with you etc.”

Keeps it factual, classy and to the point.

I have read all your posts including your updates.

Asking for 8 tickets was an error of judgement, but perhaps made in good faith given what he had said.

I would also avoid using the phrase ‘I don’t hold unconfirmed dates’ with anyone with whom you want to remain on speaking terms, as it comes across as startlingly rude! 😂Everyone has a busy life so a bit of diary to-and-fro, including penciling in tentative dates, is entirely normal and should be done with good grace.

I am involved in a PTA (which is hard work in itself, so I’m sure they would welcome extra volunteers!) and think this is more a problem with raffle prizes than anything else: people are put under pressure to offer things but don’t really consider the practicalities of actually following through on the gift.

The easiest way to do it is via physical items or vouchers, which can then be taken away on the night.

@AnonyLonnymouse thank you. I don’t normally tell people ‘I don’t hold unconfirmed dates’….id usually just say ‘I can’t do that date now’…..but by that stage I was already pretty hacked off. If I’d been offering the prize I would have initiated contact with the winner, secured a date, contacted them closer to the time to confirm and arrange ticket pick up and sent them a message on the day to wish them a good experience. I wouldn’t have offered extra tickets if I didn’t want follow through and I wouldnt leave them practically begging for their prize. In context I dont think I was rude.

Ah well, we all get a bit more blunt towards the end of our tether…

I hope the event still comes off for you.

Another update…..he did the same to another family!!!!
so I did reply with something along the lines of ‘we’d agreed x date - see email below. It’s a really generous prize, but we don’t seem to be able to coordinate for this.’. And not surprisingly I haven’t heard anything back.

but I met a mum last week who won the same prize and never got to go either! Her ending was slightly different in that the date they were to go on was just after the first lock down, so perhaps he may have delivered, but it was after 8 months of emailing because he never replied.

Wow -seems he likes to look like the generous type at school but has no intention of ever actually providing said prize. I'd be tempted to mention it to the school -it doesn't look good for them and they can refuse his "offer" and not disappoint other winners in the future.

Have you told the school? He is a con artist imo.

You should definitely let the school/ head know about this . There will be other parents who've bought raffle tickets in good faith and he obviously has no intention of following through with the prize. School will need to find a way to handle it when he offers prizes like this.

You should definitely let the head know, and tell them about the other family he swizzed too. They ought to turn down further donations from that parent.

Agree with others - discreetly tell the school. If it’s the school that’s offered the prize, they could ultimately be the ones who get into hot water about it if someone else decides to get arsey about it….

I think you need to report this to school @Thecurtainsdontmeet

A raffle prize that can’t be claimed isn’t much of a top prize and isn’t fair on the winner of that ticket! School need to address this and stop offering it as a prize if he’s not willing to deliver it!