To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

[Thecurtainsdontmeet]

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

This makes me think of those people who give you vouchers as presents, e.g. a night's babysitting. And then, when you try and pin them down to a day and time it's incredibly difficult to arrange a date and they leave you with the distinct impression that you are massively inconveniencing them...

Seems like you have a problem with his wealth and are jealous of his status at the school.

You are a CF for asking for DOUBLE the amount of tickets he probably meant one or two not to bring a whole gaggle along.

If your nose is that put out don't go you clearly have a issue.

That’s the vibe I’m getting too. OP is being unnecessarily nasty because she made a fool of herself by asking for four extra tickets!

I know the type. My guess is that he'll have no idea who you are when you get there and will have no recollection of ever meeting you before. It's his problem, not yours and it's kind of funny if you choose not be be annoyed about it.

As it's a one off event just take the tickets and go enjoy yourself. You can laugh about it all when you get home

This. Just go

Oh lord just tell him to stuff it, what a time-waster!

I mean it was prob a bit cheeky to ask for 4 extra tickets instead of maybe one or two

but I’d email back something like

‘brilliant thanks so much. It was really kind of you to donate the prize and to offer us extra tickets in addition- we really appreciate it and are looking forward to the event. ‘

Take the tickets and go, and when you see him at the event, thank him profusely and say “I’m so sorry for asked for extra tickets - when we won the raffle you mentioned you might have more, but that was so long ago that maybe I got the wrong end of the stick! I’m mortified if it made me look greedy.” Just keep it lighthearted and it will all be fine.

My guess is that when he offered more, he maybe meant “The prize is four tickets but obviously if you’re a family of five or six, I’ll arrange enough for you all to go” rather than “Have as many as you want and invite your friends”. But it’s really no big deal, don’t overthink it and just go along and enjoy the day.

Yes this !

Making a big deal of it will just embarrass whoever is with you and he'll not remember anyway.

You aren't going to get any closure, so just take the free tickets and try to enjoy the event as much as you can.

Do not under any circumstances email the school about this unless you fancy your family being social pariahs.

Your best bet is to send an oily email "Oh that's wonderfully kind, thank you, we will be there on 12th. Looking forward to it."

He is clearly a poor communicator if he had of said "I won't be able to confirm until closer to the time"....he would not have gotten your back up.
It's interesting you think he is metaphorically clicking his fingers and watching you jump into action. I know VIP tickets can be last minute so that thought would have not crossed my mind.
It would be a treat for your son to experience VIP. Go, don't go - its clearly made you angry enough to spend time on this so I can't see how you will be civil to him on the day. I just hope you let your son go.

You've had a lot of faffing about just to get to this point so just go. Swallow your pride and go.

I CBA with this tbh. I wouldn’t go if it was me. If you do go, then I would defo make a comment about him saying extra tickets were fine - but as others have said, he probably wont even remember who you are..

B, but without the embarrassed bit. I'd say sorry must have misunderstood when you said we could have extra. Four is fine.

This one is on you OP.

Complete CF to double the prize. Mist people woukd have taken it as itcwas meant, I.e.if you gave one ir to other children etc.

Secondly "don't hold unconfirmed date". Absolutely unnecessary and could have been worded better.

As the prize giver, I would be well fed up of you now snd would simply response with "I have 4 tickets for the 8th or the 24th...can you let me know when 24 hours which you wish to use"

I'm pretty certain he won't be offering a similar prize again.

So YOU forgot about the school event and YOU asked for double the tickets?

Can't see that the kind donor has done much wrong, really...

Double the amount of tickets is incredibly cheeky though!

By "extra people" he clearly meant one or two, not you inviting an entire second family to come along. This is always the case when you get free entry to places or events where the person has connections. They need to pull a few favours with someone else up the rung to them, so in most cases, asking for a plus one or two is reasonable. Going from 4 to 8 tickets puts him in an embarrassing position with someone superior to him so you've created a very awkward energy there. However what's done is done. Just take the tickets and enjoy the event. But don't expect him to be overly friendly at the match.

Agreeing with a PP, I also know that type and it's fully possible that he's not pleased with the addition of 8 "normies" in their VIP areas. He might have offered the extra seats as a way of saying you're welcome to come as 5 if you have another child, or maybe your child wants to invite a friend. It was definitely not intended for a gaggle of people the VIPs don't normally know.

You took the piss.

When he offered more that probably meant if you were a family of 5/6 he would accommodate that. You took it upon yourself to ask for DOUBLE of something you didn't even pay for. Incredibly cheeky, in fact it makes you a CF.

Funny how this man is so important that he makes the king feel small or whatever rubbish you said, yet you're annoyed he doesn't reply to you in an instant.

Absolutely agree with all of this. It sounds like you are being purposefully awkward OP and I imagine he can sense that and just cba with it. Asking for double the amount of tickets was a piss take

This kind of thing happens all the time with raffle prizes! It’s even worse when it’s a charity fundraising event and the donor wants the ‘Thank you’ on the night in the room and then is bloody difficult to actually organise or handover whatever they’ve donated.

Take the tickets and enjoy the occasion. It’s a one off.

Oh yeah - that’ll really show him.

🙄🙄

Quite clearly you are bitter and resentful about this man and his family. Jealousy is not a good look.

You whitter on about how you’re “not important” and “one of the small people”, but you’ve just made that up.

He’s busy. So what? He won’t have deliberately been ignoring you. He did a nice thing and you’re just being an arse about it.

He's a busy man.

Just accept the 8 FREE tickets with good grace and go and enjoy yourselves.

All this 'I felt scolded' is you looking to take offence because you've got it into your head that he thinks your inferior to him. It's inverted snobbery.

You don't come across well on here at all op.

You seem to actively dislike the man (envy?) Yet simultaneously be greedy enough to ask for double the number of tickets in the raffle prize. I'm a bit baffled really

I wouldn’t bother.

More because I have been through similar scenarios (not raffle prizes) and there is guaranteed to be more shit on the day.

Just decline and don’t bother with the school raffle again. It’s more hassle than it is worth

He is probably well known for his big gestures but wonder how many come to fruition

I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.

A potential thought for OP is whether you have ND tendencies and take things very literally? This seems like the classic type of misunderstanding that arises due to literal thinking and lack of social cues.

1. First red flag is the amount of time it took to pin down a date. The long, delayed replies clearly meant this issue was clearly not a high priority for him and should have been resolved in a way that causes him the least amount of inconvenience.

2. After rescheduling two dates, this was a sign to stick to the original number of tickets in order not to further complicate things.

3. Conversely, if communication had been quick and easy from the beginning and you swiftly arranged a date, then it would have been more acceptable to request extra places.

4. He is not attempting to assert his dominance over "peasants" but seems like a busy person with lots of commitments. In business, the length of time someone takes to reply is an unspoken way of signalling the importance that the other person has in their life. 24hrs means you are equals, a few days means you are important but not necessarily useful and after that means he would rather procrastinate the task entirely unless chased.

5. Sorry if you didn't know about this. For the same reason, when you write to another school mum you get a reply very quickly. This is because most mums see each other as equals and have the time and energy to be on their phones.