To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

[Thecurtainsdontmeet]

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

I'd not go either OP.

I would have thought when he said about the extras he meant if you had more than two kids, but not expecting you to bring two other adults. Maybe if you needed one or two extra tickets, not double. Sounds like you are bringing a whole extra family which probably isn’t what he was offering. But in any case don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Just thank him and move on with your life - I think you are slightly overthinking this.

He should have acknowledged your earlier email about alternative dates, but you chose to then double-book yourself on those dates. (Did you even actually double book yourself, or were you making a point with 'I don't hold unconfirmed dates?)

You also asked to double the number of free tickets. I think it's a social convention to not ignore someone for three months (so he failed there) but it's also a social convention not to ask someone for twice as many gifts as they have offered (so that was on you).

I don't think you like this man or his wife very much, and that has coloured your responses. You seem unhappy he is 'influential' at school (whatever that means), but he has clearly been helping out with fundraising, etc, so he's earned that influence. He tried to do a nice thing by offering you a few additional tickets (if you're not close, how does he know what size your family is?), and you took the piss there. He finally got around to sorting out your freebie, and you snubbed it and said you wanted a different date.

Your language of 'grand gesture' and 'lording over the peasants' implies to me that you have a problem with his wealth and/or status.

Honestly, I just don't think either of you communicate well with each other (some people just have clashing personalities/styles), and it's taken the shine off what would have been a lovely treat. However, where you are now, he's offered you the eight tickets you wanted for the date you wanted - to decline the tickets would be a further snub towards him and quite rude.

I think I would just reply and say, 'Hi x, Amazing, thanks so much for your generosity. Looking forward to it.'

There is no other way to close this down without coming across badly.

This. 100% I bet he was shocked when he saw you wanted 8 tickets, which is double the original amount.

I say he definitely meant if you were a family of 5, or 6 at a push.

B for sure.

B but perhaps "Apologies, I must have misunderstood our conversation , but 4 is fine thank you"

Asking for 8 was very cheeky.

In any other situation (birthdays, weddings etc) you wouldn’t take double the amount of people, you would possibly just ask for an extra 1 or 2 at a stretch.

It’s a family ticket basically and not everyone has 2 adults and 2 kids, so he was being generous offering extra.

It sounds like you’ve invited an extra family!

I would apologise for being cheeky and say that you were under the impression that it would be ok and that if 8 is too many then you can reduce it.

I would definitely still go though.

just say you are embarrassed because you thought he said you could bring extra
either say it to him face to face or by email.
but go regardless
definitely raise it somehow

B. I agree with others that “more tickets if you like” was probably meant to cover “could we possibly have one extra for a third child/Uncle Sam who’s a massive fan?”. I also think asking for double the amount was OTT. But - fair enough to remind him that you’d spoken about it and he’d offered. And he’s being a bit off; if you’ve donated something to a raffle, you’ve had the kudos for that and should honour it promptly - would be more usual for the school to sort it, honestly. So I can see why it all feels a bit awkward when you’ve had to chase and behave like you’re begging for a freebie.

Asking for an additional 4 tickets?! Wowzers!!

‘I don’t hold unconfirmed dates’?! Double Wowzers!!

He was unreasonable to not get back to you but it was an oversight. You were super cheeky and I’d be reluctant to bend over backwards to assist you as a result.

You seem to have a massive chip on your shoulder about being the 'little person'

And you're letting this colour every interaction you've had with them

He offered the tickets and more, you got them, so go and stop overthinking something that isn't reaso.

Maybe in the future don't accept gifts or prizes that are likely to make you feel unimportant and small.

This is all in your head I'm afraid.

It would be weird not to go having chased him and asked for extra tickets. I’d just email very briefly and say thanks and you only asked for extra tickets as he’d suggested it. As something of an aside, I do think asking for 8 tickets was a bit cheeky. 5 or 6 would have seemed ok. But 8 seems over the top. But it’s done now and would seem even more awkward to reject the whole thing now he has sorted it out.

Not going is depriving someone else of the tickets and would be a bit of a slap in the face for a nice donation. Just go and enjoy it, if the opportunity arises thank him for the tickets and maybe gently remind him he did offer more than four if you needed more.

He has been rubbish but it was super cringe of you to ask for double the number of tickets.

I'd revert to kindly accepting the 4 and buying him a bottle of something as a thank you.

But yeah, I don't embarrass easily but I can understand why you'd be super embarrassed at what you did.

You should have just accepted and been grateful for the original prize. It's embarrassing to have asked for double the number of tickets, even if they were offered.

Frankly you sound like an entitled little princess. You’re throwing a strop because you’ve had to chase up something you were getting for free. You’ve asked for double your initial allocation - and you got it. And it’s STILL not good enough!

only a certain type of entitled person thinks they can ignore an email for months and then click their fingers and watch you jump into action.

FFS, he missed the original email, you chased it up, and now it’s sorted - with four extra tickets into the bargain. You seem to feel you should have been feted as a VIP, whereas in reality you are probably one of several people who’s received freebies through a raffle, charity event etc.

Go, thank him for the extra tickets, and then take a good look at your attitude.

@nocalorieleftbehind although in the context of the conversation we had asking for 8 didn’t seem unreasonable, I take your point and that of several others that it was cheeky- learning point for me.

i don’t have a chip on my shoulder about his (or anyone elses) wealth or status- I’m extremely comfortable with myself and my own very fortunate place in life. I resent that his fundraising/donations (which are sometimes 6 figures) give his family unelected privileges in the school. The parents of One year group were significantly out of pocket last due to an event dreamed up by his wife and presented as a fait accompli at the parents meeting- they weren’t even told how much it cost until it was all booked; just presented with bank details to transfer to the money!!! Nobody dares to say no.

and no, I didn’t purposefully double book. I forgot about the first school event. I don’t hold unconfirmed dates free for anyone- we are a busy family with lots of sporting activities at the weekend. If someone doesn’t confirm a date I don’t hold it. I don’t have capacity to hold 3 weekends free for 3 months in case someone feels like getting back to me. If it’s important I’ll chase for an answer- in this case that would have felt rude.

@StockpotSoup that’s one way of looking at it :)

@muckcook i think this family could make The King feel small, and there are plenty at school who would agree.

Agree with this OP. I think asking for eight tickets was a bit much and frankly if you have that level of cheek, I am sure you can front this out. I also think he meant if there was an extra child, not for you to bring another family as you appear to have done.

You're overthinking this OP.
Just go along with your 8 tickets and your head held high.

He sounds like a difficult man, who has a high opinion of himself.Regardless of if you go or not, I suspect he has mentally pegged you - rightly or wrongly- as a CF, so you may as well enjoy your prize winning.

I suggest if you win something like this again, put the tickets back "for someone else to enjoy".

You seem a bit in awe if them.

Just go and enjoy it. Asking for 8 tickets was a massive piss take. He's done nothing wrong.

If they are donated by him I absolutely will!!

@MabelWotsits take the point that I shouldn’t have asked for 8, but do you honestly think it’s ok behaviour to offer a prize and then repeatedly not respond to the winner?

I'd do c. But I can't stand people like that and wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.

Maybe b if you want to go.