To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

[Thecurtainsdontmeet]

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

I’m absolutely not!

I would go, and enjoy it, and say thank you, and make a mental note for the future that he is full of talk but slow to deliver.

I would message back and say "sorry we have crossed wires. Last time we spoke you offered extra tickets? If things have changed and it needs to be four then that's fine "

He is probably a bit irritated.
You booked a school event date and needed him to point it out.
You greedily asked for four more tickets instead of one or two extra.
You made a passive aggressive comment about not holding unconfirmed dates. There are other ways of wording this. I would have just said, ‘Ah sorry! I can’t do those dates any more as we are now busy’ and left it at that.

He was rude for not replying. Many people are like this nowadays.
You resent his ‘influence’ so this is colouring your response.

I would just ask for four tickets one last time, and get on with your life. He is not giving you a second thought so stop thinking about this too much.

I'd just say something like 'oh sorry! Thought you said it was easy to bring others along...but no problem if not? 4 is great and we're looking fwd to it. Thanks again!'.

I really don’t understand the posters saying you were cheeky or greedy to ask for 8 tickets. You asked, he said yes. He could have said no, that’s down to him.

The situation and lack of communication sounds frustrating. Also, there are your feelings around this family’s position in the school. But that’s a whole layer of context that can be put aside for now.

Do you want to go? If so, go. There’s nothing grabby or embarrassing about asking for the extra tickets. Just confirm the date, say thank you and enjoy your day.

This

A, your kids will enjoy it. They sound like entitled self unaware people they won’t change if you say you’re not going as you’re embarrassed, it won’t even register on their radar or put them out.

I’d say, oh, sorry I’d forgotten you had mentioned that when we met

Bloody hell, he's probably incredibly busy and your tickets may be very far down the list! Yes it's not ideal, but asking for double was bloody cheeky and quite frankly if you think so rudely of him you shouldn't be having anything off him.
Someone comes out badly here. It's not him - the guy who offered a good raffle prize, negotiated dates to fit and offered extra tickets.

It sounds like crossed wires. I can see why doubling the number might have come across as cheeky but equally his poor communication style which didn't make it absolutely clear what he DID mean is to blame.

I'd do B. Take the tickets and go but say in your message that you're happy to drop back to 4 if 8 is a problem as there might be a misunderstanding from your conversation about the criteria for requesting extra tickets.

If you win the prize again in future put it back in the raffle so someone else can "experience the benefit" but discreetly warn the winner that pinning down a date/arrangements might take some effort.

This is what I would do. Very reasonable.

OP i’d reply with “when I saw you at xx you said I could invite others ( or whatever he said). If this option is no longer available, please let me know and I’ll cancel the other invites”
he should feel embarrassed not you. He’s not doing you a favour and you’re not scrounging. You won a prize and he widened the Number of recipients of that prize. This is all on him being unclear and slow to respond making it all much more complicated and uncomfortable than it should be.

B

Will you have the actual tickets, or will he be leaving your name at the gate? If so can he be relied on to follow through?

Just go and chalk it up to this man being a prick.

He was rude and disorganised. I'd use him. Take the tickets and go. Acknowledge him when you're there, but enjoy it with your family.

Just go. He's been less than helpful with his vague 'as many as you like' attitude and having ignored your emails. He should have been clear and efficient. He's not the 'lord', just thoughtless and disorganised.

So he's donated an expensive prize to make himself look good to the school and curry favour, but has no intention of actually following through. He has made it very difficult for you to use the prize with his lack of communication.

I would hope you have an email trail, remind him in this that he told you you could have more tickets, but say that if that is an issue, you will happily use just the four that you won. Say you were disappointed that you missed the early dates that you requested due to lack of communication, how constantly having to chase him has taken the shine of the prize, and perhaps he should consider this before offering this as a prize in the future as it's clearly causing him an inconvenience.

Then I would copy in the head teacher. He's not doing you a favour, if he couldn't deliver his prize, he shouldn't have offered it.

What? He's literally offered the prize 😂

I bought something like this at a charity auction, the holder messaged me offering a range of dates, I picked one and that was that. He sounds a bit disorganised/ busy. I wouldn’t read anything into it about lording it up. Just do A. I think asking for double was a bit cheeky, but just do it don’t go down the embarrass route. He’s said yes, stop reading so much into everything

You're going to look petty or that you've been messing him around, and you've obviously already invited the 7 other people so you'll be messing around and disappointing them too. Just go.

From what you've said I'm guessing he's a C-level kind of person. In which case they usually come across abrupt as their default setting. It's nothing personal, it's how they communicate because they're very busy. If he wanted to refuse to do 8 he would have done, because these people always like being in control and having the last say (which is why you have the snippy comment).

You asked to double the prize and had an attitude about it - 'I don't hold unconfirmed dates'.

You sound like you've been quite unpleasant to deal with tbh.

Is there actually 8 in your family or have you invited another family too?

You’re the one who was cheeky asking for double the number of tickets offered. So why are you being so nasty about him?