Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

Even if you have nothing, no assets to leave, no life insurance, you should still make a will. Part of the process of making a will is to also consider a 'living will' and power of attorney.
What would you want to happen if you were in hospital in a coma after an accident? This is the kind of thing you need to think about - what would you want, not what would he want.

This, people really showing their true face on this thread…

He's out all day 'working'. He's doing no housework and if he's out until 8pm he isn't doing any childcare either.

Are you unhappy and do you want to leave? What do the kids want? Is he an involved father or does he just go to work and make no money?

Could you do a flit? If he won't leave you be? "Go to work" one day like normal but just go, with the kids, and don't tell him where?

Alternatively, file for divorce, tell HIM to leave, get a court order in place telling him to leave you alone and stand very firm.

If you just want him to contribute and you're happy in every other aspect, enforce it. Demand to see his books. Work out why he isn't making enough to contribute to family life, or apparently his own life. And if he's just operating at a loss constantly, maybe he needs to find a job and wind the business up.

Either way, hold him accountable. He contributes or he leaves. Upto him (once you've decided what you want).

I know a couple who are trustees for their young Grandaughter’s trust of £500k, he is spending it at an alarming rate but she won’t dare to stop him

In which case, they likely shouldnt be trustees and are failing in their fiduciary duties!

But he isn’t a SAHD. He is out of the house all day, gets home after the OP so she is doing the parenting. But, unlike most parents working out of the home, he isn’t bringing home any money. He isn’t parenting nor is he producing financially.

Errrrr if he's out all day until 8pm 'working' but not making any money he's clearly not doing childcare. The OP says he doesn't do any housework either. So yes. He's a cocklodger

He is having you on what proof is there that he makes no money whilst working 9-8pm?
Demand to see his bank statements and books or the marriage is over...

What exactly is his business if he's supposedly out working all day until 8 pm and yet bringing in pocket money?
He's either not working all the hours he says he is, is spending the money before you see it or he's not charging enough for his services and the business is therefore not making enough of a profit.
I think you need to tell him he has to get a full-time employed job or he needs to start bringing in more money from the self-employment immediately and should let you look at the books to see if you can help him improve the business.
But it does sound like he's just made himself comfortable knowing you will provide.

Earlier in the thread, before you posted this update about him "working", I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt as perhaps he was a SAHD, therefore freeing up childcare money and enabling you to progress in your career, but he's not doing that. He's a lazy cocklodger who is trying to get by doing as little as possible.

You have to decide whether you want to put up with that.

You need to get life insurance as a matter of priority to make sure your children are provided for and then make decisions about what you want to do about this lazy arse.

She doesn’t state he’s a house husband, from what I’ve seen. Simply unemployed. If he’s maintaining the house and looking after the children upon mutual agreement then that’s entirely a different matter, and it would have been useful information for the original post.

Are you looking to be offended?

What happens when you point out there is a very easy way to resolve the no money problem, i.e. get a job?

Have you checked out his accounts and his bank statements?

What’s this full time “work” he’s doing that brings in no money? Where is he actually going?

He sounds very dim. What money does he think you have to leave him?
Does he think you are a cash machine or does he have any idea what money is coming in and out of the house?

Does your DH file a tax return? Or is it all cash in hand? What is the nature of his work?

Financial planning when you have dc’s is a necessity. It’s so important to know that if one parent dies, the other won’t be left in difficulty. Bereavement is bad enough, without the added strain of wondering if you’ll lose your home/how you’ll put food on the table. I don’t think the problem is your husband's clumsy approach to the subject, it sounds like you are just unhappy in the marriage generally.

If you know he'd gaslight you then get divorced.

He would have to provide for himself then and paying for a nanny or childcare will work out cheaper than supporting a financial sponge of a man who you already anticipate to be emotionally abusive.

What's he doing with the money he earns?

@Throwawayaccountonaccountofthis

oh love, I'm SO sorry to hear about your DH and your financial situation on top of that. It's just too much!!

from a purely financial point of view, did he not have life insurance or are they not paying out?

I presume you've exhausted all options to get remortgaged borrow money off family etc so you can stay in your home instead of selling??

do you need any help getting the house sale ready?

So he's out all day 'working' until 8pm but isn't able to contribute any money to the family.

He also isn't a SAHD which would actually be contributing to your life, doing some cleaning, cooking and general looking after the children to make your life a bit easier.

And of course the 'if the genders were reversed' crowd has arrived. 🙄 If there was a man here saying his wife was out every day til 8pm and he was working all hours and having to do the cooking, cleaning and looking after the children himself, I suspect we'd all be saying the same thing: LTB.

It's handy how he comes home just after what I assume bedtime is for the children.

What, exactly, is he bringing to this family?

Honestly, divorce him while you have no assets. Try to rebuild by yourself. Take out an insurance policy and name your children in it.

Good God, why have you put up with this shit? Tell him his SE needs to be profitable of else he winds it down and takes a PAYE job. Sort a mortgage, life insurance to cover mortgage and allow for a bit more at the end aswell, pension and a will. Why on earth haven't you done those basics before?

write a will for your children to inherit what you do have, not your husband.

@MayThe4th

sorry, where did I miss that the children are young and he's a SAHP?

You don’t have a husband you have an extra child.

if you aren’t happy why aren’t you changing your life? If anything you would be more financially better off without as you wouldn’t be paying for his sorry ass

If he’s out all day but not bringing any money in what the hell is he doing all day? He sounds like an absolute drain, why are you with him. A life insurance policy isn’t going to be enough to cover his bum ass for the rest of his life, never mind your kids!!!

To be fair though, a lot of the "if the genders were reversed" crowd were posting before the OP updated to say that he was "self-employed", out until 8pm (as you point out, conveniently until after the kids are in bed) and not bringing home enough money to contribute fairly to the household.
A lot of the posts at the beginning were saying he might be a SAHD and that we shouldn't call him a cocklodger because we wouldn't call a SAHM a vaglodger if she were at home bringing up kids. That's what a lot of the "if the genders were reversed" posts were pointing out.

But then the OP cleared up the confusion. And yeah, he's a waste of space.