Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

It’s not ‘impossible’. It’s hard. Really fucking hard.

talk to a solicitor for free

talk to the police

women’s aid. Gp. Anyone.

get support outside the home. You need to do better by the kids. He’s not a good example. He’s sponging off you and drifting through life. You’d be better off financially without him and possibly due more financial support/aid.

Op, your updates are horrific.

If he is out all day and not bringing in money then what is he doing? He is either earning money and not giving it to you, or lying around doing nothing all day. Either way, he is not a keeper.

Please get some proper advice, and I did recommend Life Insurance before, but if you do this, then please make sure that it goes into trust for your DC, and appoint people that you can really trust as the trustees. That way, they could release money for the DC's benefit and ensure that he can't just blow it all. But be aware, that he could challenge that though if he has been dependent on you

I hope you can take some strength from the various responses on here, and do something about your situation. He is a leech, he is draining you, and I rarely say LTB, but I really can't see what he is bringing to your life.

If you can get him to leave, and he won't leave you alone, then report him to the police for harassment. He probably won't bother you at all if he realises you are serious and won't give in.

@ZsaZsaTheCat

I really appreciate all the replies and have been reading all the advice. My intention was not to drip feed I wanted to come back in my own time and when I was alone . I wrote this very late on the night , went to sleep woke up and replied .

@EC22

Yes I think the worse thing is how I've really enabled him. I had really low self esteem through out my life and used I didn't think I was good enough so I didn't put my foot down many times when I should have

I think the point of that post was not to defend the deadbeat twat but to point out that many people laid into him, calling him a cocklodger and a deadbeat twat, BEFORE the OP clarified that he was not, in fact, a SAHD bringing up the children and supporting her in that way, but a loser who claimed to be at work all day running some kind of business yet not bringing any money in.

@Justawoman88 you are more than good enough. You have raised your children and run your home singlehandedly with no help from the man who was meant to be your life partner. You are amazing!

I don't think you would struggle to cope alone. You sound pretty strong to me.

Once again, I'm going to quote the wise Dr Maya Angelou;

"You did then what you knew how to do. Now that you know better, you'll do better."

Don't kick yourself for 'who you were' back then. Just rise to who you are now.

Then you need to move. He is slowly killing you, you just don't realize it yet. If he is out all day on his "self-employed" job, then he is making money. Either he is hiding it or spending it. What he wants is for you to get enough life insurance so that, if you were to die, he could keep up his lazy, useless, worthless lifestyle, at your expense.

If you get or have life insurance, I would NOT make your NVDH the beneficiary. Put it into trust for your children with someone as a trustee.

Tell your NVDH that since his "self-employed" job is not making any money, he can get a FT job elsewhere. He doesn't cook, he doesn't clean, so he brings little to nothing to the table. He is not a SAHP, he's a cocklodger who got you to marry him and get tied up with children before he showed his true colors. Now he uses those children when you try to make a better life with his childish and unwanted tantrums at your door. Giving in to him over and over is not healthy for you.

Talk to a solicitor and do what you need to do to lose the albatross around your neck that you have done nothing to deserve.

TBH the way I see it is you're about as bad as him.

He is persisting on doing his "business" which is an obvious failure.

You are persisting with this marriage, which is an obvious failure.

He won't get a job. You won't get a divorce.

Both would be hard for each of you and you both make innumerable excuses to stay as you are.

Meanwhile your children are learning what from this shitshow.

How are you feeling @Justawoman88?

I'm sure you mean the fact that this "man" leaves ALL day, does no cooking, no cleaning, so NOT a SAHP. But, hey, that doesn't fit into yours and @MayThe4th 's hate fest, does it?

Yes, people's true colors are shining through, just not the same one you think. 🙄

**"Justawoman88 · 27/01/2024 11:25

I do feel like a single parent, leaving is very very difficult. Impossible actually. As he just doesn't leave me alone. He will follow us, sleep outside in his car, ring the door all day and night, scream sorry through the letter box
the kids get upset and its so draining I end up giving in

No he doesn't cook or clean.

The things is he does work, he is gone all day working. Self employed but he doesn't make much he says."**

If he earns so little and you are scraping by on your income
Have you thought about putting in a claim for universal credit -
He would also be able to access help to update skills etc so he could look for paid employment too,

Legally, I’m pretty sure that if you’re married and don’t have a will everything automatically passes to your spouse…

It doesn't and if you have children under 18 or under guardianship you need to be particularly mindful of having a will.

It depends on the size of your estate - above approx £325k there needs to be a division with children or grandchildren. If you have a property, a pension fund, some savings then that figure is reached a lot quicker than people realise.

The practical implications of sharing ownership of your house with a trust for the children or with minors being handed a large lump sum as soon as they are 18 can be significant.

If the children are over 18 then they can write formally to say they decline the benefit as the dead parent's desire and belief was for their estate to go to the surviving spouse. Obviously this depends on the relationships within the family.

Just make a will, then you can save the surviving spouse a mountain of additional grief.

If there is no will and If there are surviving children, grandchildren or great grandchildren of the person who died and the estate is valued at more than £322,000, the partner will inherit:
• all the personal property and belongings of the person who has died, and
• the first £322,000 of the estate, and
• half of the remaining estate.

If there are no children, grand children or great grandchildren the spouse will inherit everything

Goodness, OP, hope you're OK, and busy planning a legal separation. If he sleeps in his car and shouts through the letterbox that seems to be harassment to me, so perhaps you could get some sort of restraining order. He shouldn't be allowed to hassle you and the children into permanent exhaustion. Best wishes.