Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

I don’t understand your relationship at all.
Hes working full time hours but doesn’t contribute to a single bill?
Is his job a hobby? At least if he was unemployed you’d get benefits.
His comment was your opportunity to say andwhy is that? He sees you as a money tree and you’ve let him. Something really needs to change.

These are conversations everyone should be having with a loved one. Maybe he lacked tact with the content and the implications but these are things everyone, especially parents should be doing

1. Write a will - lost preferred guardians for if you both die
2. power of attorneys out - it's not just dying that can screwed over a family
3. Life insurance - depending on medical history can be cheap my partner pays £8 a month for a 25y policy paying out £300k. I have a disability and mine is £30ish for the same cover
4. Expression of wish form for any pensions need to be kept updated
5. If you can an afforded it as the main earner critical illness or income protection insurance

Make your kids future secure and figure out what the intent and motive of the partner later.

You are not.

Start divorce proceedings.
Is his name on the rental agreement?
When is the contract up?
Get your own place and if he pesters then ring the police
If necessary get a restraining order

Have you family that can help temporarily?

You are being abused

The documents are given to a friend or family member to hold onto, obviously.

I'm sorry but there is actually something dodgy here. OP, do you really believe someone can work full time and have no money? Why are you letting him keep up this narrative? It's utterly ridiculous

You are not stuck. You’ve already said you financially run the house yourself so pack him a bag, ask him to leave and get the locks changed. If he wants to sit outside in the bloody car crying, let him! If he is harassing you by constant phone calls or approaching you in public then you get the police involved.

this man has been using you to live an easy care free life. You provide a roof over his head free of charge and I bet you do all the food shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare. No wonder he doesn’t want to leave!

he brings absolutely nothing positive or of worth to your life and you will factually be better off without him in your house. One less mouth to feed, one less person to clean up after, one less person using your water for showers.

This.

@Justawoman88 I know it must be really really hard but you’re giving in when he cries, sleeps in the car and generally behaves like a pathetic man baby.

He only does it because he knows it has the desired effect. Let him cry. He’ll get bored eventually and have to let you move on x

I don't think it's an unreasonable conversation. For the sake of your children you should have a plan for if either of you die. I couldn't afford the mortgage alone and would likely need to cut my hours if my husband died and same for him so we have good life insurance.
I think YABU.

You need to see his accounts, tax returns or whatever to see what he is making. If he's working 'all day' then he should be earning something. If he's earning anything, he should be declaring it - you need to find out where you stand.

Tbh, he sounds as though he has MH problems that are impacting on your life and your children's, and my advice would be to get out of the marriage, get legal support if you can to stop him harrassing you and the kinds. And don't give in when he does this - for the sake of your children in the long term, get out. if he cared for his children, he wouldn't subject them to that kind of behaviour.

Make a will because if you are married, he will inherit what you have - it may be possible to put any savings you have into a trust fund for the children.

Ok, I see. So not only is he a cocklodger, he's selfish to the bone. You need to kick his ass out and change the locks, or at least the lock barrels. You've done it before, do it again. And this time, steel yourself to withstand his crap. He doesn't love you, he doesn't need you. He loves the fact that you let him live the life of Riley.

Here's the thing, he's not 'forcing' his way back in, he simply knows what buttons to push with you. He does his 'antics' and you let him back in. He's not breaking in, he's not physically forcing his way past you, he's not holding you at gunpoint. All he's doing is apparently raising a ruckus around you and (I guess) that embarrasses you enough to give in. I certainly hope it doesn't make you feel sorry for him!!!! Either way, stop that!!! You need to understand that his shenanigans make HIM look bad, not you. Anyone seeing him would think "That poor woman! She's well rid of him!!" or "Jeez man, have some pride!!!". I've used this phrase 1000 times; The dog barks but the caravan passes on. Let him make a fool of himself, you keep on walking, keep that door closed. And call the police to have him removed.

I daresay if you left him sleeping in his car and ignored his 'histrionics' he'd soon learn that they don't work and he'd cool it. Not to mention that such behaviour constitutes harassment if you tell him to cut it out and he doesn't, especially if he carries on in front of you children And that is reportable to the police and to SS.

He'll be fine. Men like that attract women who like to fix them

No you are NOT!!!! See my response above to the post you tagged me in.

You can afford to run your household on your own.
He provides no 'services' to your household (cleaning, financial contribution, etc)
You do not depend on him for childcare.

All that it appears to be is that he embarrasses you by his antics begging to be taken back. Is that what you mean by 'stuck'?

If it's because you think he's not 'mature' enough to be on his own, well, he's 'mature' enough to manipulate you into being his meal ticket.

And so what? He's an adult. He'll learn to live on his own fast enough once he's forced into it!

Sorry but if you are married or have children (or have any kind of assets and next of kin) I think it is really irresponsible not to have a will. But having looked at the thread, I would also want a will to ensure my assets did not go to him.

I don’t think I’ve ever read about such an embarrassment of a man and ‘father’. Jesus Christ.

OP, kick him out. Tell him to go and any further shouting and following will be treated as harassment. Then phone the police.

Snd he’s either not working, just pretending, or he’s hiding his money. Both are appalling.

Ok so 7 pages in and 24hrs later you decide to drip feed more info 🙄
Also shame on anyone slagging off the partner for not working b4 anyone had any idea he wasn’t a full time carer for home and kids while missus works ??? Double standards 🤔

Sorry, are you defending this deadbeat twat?!

He needs to get a job. Lots of people with mental health issues and depression (me included) manage to hold down work.

You need to start seeing him as the giant man baby he is. Be disgusted when he cries, not sympathetic. He won’t like that. He wants you to mother him.

Oh god, he’s an artist, isn’t he? Or a musician.

I fear the worst too.
That said, he might be an Uber driver or a delivery driver who made a terrible career choice.

How can he be working all day and not earn anything. It doesn’t make sense. You need to be strong and tell him to go. Move away if needs be. Life is short. Don’t waste yours on this man.

It might help to take one small step forward - just for you - and do the https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/ @Justawoman88

Sometimes all we need is a little more information to help us see the wood for the trees. You deserve to have a better life than this. Your DC deserve to know there is a better life than this.

Is he the stay at home parent? I imagine a lot of women are in the same situation. You should both sort out life insurance when you have three children.

Oh dear god! He’s a complete and utter waste of space. File for divorce, get him out and do not under any circumstances let him back in. Refuse to speak to him and communicate via email for child access. If he is harassing you, call the police , if he is sitting outside your house call the police. He will get fed up eventually but he will continue for the same length of time as he did last time in order for you to take him back. You need to break the cycle of him working his way back in. You deserve more and so do your children. This is the example of a father they think is normal atm. It’s not a good example!!