Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read this, I really hope you’ll be ok x

Any couple with dependent children need to have sorted out wills and life insurance, irrespective of your domestic set up. In our situation I’m the partner who works less/does more domestic stuff but equally if I’d died when the kids were little my DH would have struggled and needed extra money for a shed load of childcare.
Whether your DH is pulling his weight is a separate issue but his point is very valid.

I do hope OP makes a will. There are too many cases of the surviving partner (in this scenario the father) re-marrying and leaving everything to his new wife.

unless OP wants her estate to go to her DH’s new wife, which happens quite often. Occasionally planned or simply because the father dies without a will.

OP: you need a will to protect your DC’s interests, not your DH’s!

I WOULD write a will, and leave everything in trust to my children, with someone I 100% trusted as the executors and trustees. I don’t know why he doesn’t work, but if he is the SAHP then I don’t have any real issue with it, in principle, IF it’s a status quo that works for you (and it sounds as if it’s losing its appeal).
Lots of women are in a similar position to him, although less so now. When I was married, I only worked part time around the children and didn’t have a career, but I knew that if anything happened to my husband (he died) then we would be looked after. What I DIDN’T factor in, is that he would have an affair and then leave us screwed financially. The point is that if you love him, you will WANT to ensure that he and the children are provided for, in the unhappy event of your death. If you’re feeling pressured to do so, then I think I’d be reevaluating the relationship. Not necessarily “LTB” but think about how you want the relationship to develop and consider counselling for you/ both of you to help you process your thoughts. Good luck.

Well if you’ve nothing to your name, divorce him now whilst there’s nothing to share.

If you can’t divorce him because he looks after the 3 children and you can’t do that, then maybe think about whether he’s in a vulnerable position making a sensible request.

Although he needs you to have life insurance more than he needs you to have a will 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hes right! You should have insurance and a will for you both. Its nothing to be offended about. Its common sense.

Depends on the size of the estate!

yes, if under £322k

no, if thr estate is worth over £322,000 - though DH still gets first and second dibs -

• up to £322,000 in assets, and half of the rest of the estate
• all of the personal possessions of the deceased

The children of the deceased are entitled to a share of the half of the estate above £322,000.

Agreed - though DH has gone about it in the wrong way. (Add to that welfare PoAs). With a will (and life insurance), OP can specify how her estate should be distributed

He wants you to purchase life insurance. I'm always a bit suspicious of people who suddenly want their partners to have life insurance.

My ex husband did this. Tried to persuade me to get my life insured. I didn't. He left me a year later for someone else. Did he have dark thoughts inititally? Who knows.

Everyone with children needs a will and life insurance.

Why? Plenty of women are housewives!

On the surface it's not a terrible thing to have said but it seems to have come across to you as 'its your job to support me so what are doing in the event of your death', so very entitled.

As other have said if he is a SAHD then he is contributing but not clear if he is or isn't. Maybe your kids are a bit older, in which case it doesn't seem quite right that you are the only one bringing any money in.

@Bubbleohseven, Sorry, you might have been overdosing on the Poirot here.
I have been married twice and both were very keen to have lots of life insurance. Neither of them put arsenic in my coffee, and as the saying goes, for the first one I would have been tempted to drink it.

How do you know he lazy? OP hasn't said what the setup is at home other than the fact that she is the provider.

The OP said he is not a proovider. It might be they are both working and poorly paid. The OP is not interested in following up anyway.

It’s quite amusing how the tone changes when a woman is the sole bread earner. Reverse roles and read the post - how quickly judgement changes!

Absolutely. Lots of double standards

@User5512, It is. I think that is understandable too. There are greater expectations on men to earn more money and the extent it helps them actually earn more money is limited.
As a man, I would have been a little offended if my wife had wanted to insist I took her name and it seemed more natural the other way, it is an expectation no matter how silly. I think we are largely past that with housework, but women will still feel the need to defend and exaggerate their contribution, just as men might defend and exaggerate their financial contribution.

!!! I don't understand this. Surely the responsible adult thing to do on having children is for both parents to take out life insurance and make a will to cater for the hopefully unlikely contingency of one spouse dying while children are still dependent. I appreciate that this is not possible for everyone- if on the breadline for example, but otherwise is it not just what you do?

I'm sure we're missing some nuance on your personal circumstances perhaps?
Otherwise sounds a bit like one of these strange people who won't make a will because they think in some bizarre way that if they don't they'll be immortal!

I'm interested to know if the conversation was as blunt as OP portrays so whether it was a genuine conversation about wills which has been interpreted as an attack because she already feels put upon.

im also interested to know if it's a reverse. Username feels a bit obvious.

Either way, where is the OP?

If its true, well life assurance is an affordable answer to the issue if you are in decent health.
Irrespective of the pros and cons of your partner, don't leave your kids destitute.

@Chickpea17 Because OP says she is tired of having to shoulder the whole burden of responsibility. Whatever the setup, that isn't fair.

He does have a point about a will, and he should also make one, you need to make sure that the kids are sorted, who will look after them, will they inherit anything?

doyou have life insurance, who gets that etc etc

the fact you are the provider is another matter, and he needs to start privid8ng as well, if he doesn’t what are you going to do? Leave?

But that doesn't mean he's lazy does it?
They've got three children OP didn't say who was looking after them and how old they are.
She didn't say if her husband suffered with some medical condition.

Sorry that you are facing all of this. It sounds incredibly hard.

OP all couples need life insurance where possible. You sound like you don’t like your partner though so may prefer to explore how assets can, where available, be passed to children directly.