Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

You should have replied "I don't need a will, we're married, you get everything. Not that there's anything because I've spent all my savings keeping us afloat. you'll have to get a job, earn money and provide for them"

Assuming you're in England of course. The rules on who gets what are clear.

Although if I were you I'd get a life insurance policy that pays out to the children and he can't touch.

And I wouldn't tell him about it either!

Did I miss a post detailing why her husband doesn't work?

I see lots of posts slagging him off for being lazy, but unless I've missed it, the op hasn't detailed why he is.

Kids might be really young and he's a sahp, normal. Kids might have special needs. He might be disabled.

No one on this thread responding has been give anywhere near enough details to respond from.

I earned more than DH and had a decent pension and life insurance through work. If I had died DH and DC would have been okay financially but if he died we would have had to move.
I took out term life assurance on him to pay off the mortgage if he died.
Now we are retired we would both be okay if the other one died because he would get half my pension.
It is just common sense to think ahead and ensure all of you would be okay financially if the worst happened.

Kick the cocklodger out, find someone that won’t put the burden of life squarely on your shoulders alone

What?! You’re suspicious of people with a sensible attitude to money?

Getting life insurance is a Good Thing. It’s not just for murderers. Tbh, I can’t understand how anyone could take out a mortgage and NOT get life insurance.

It’s more likely he left you due to your different attitudes to risk/ responsibility rather than because you scuppered his plans to murder you.

It is a normal conversation for married partners to have. Not in front of the children. We had the conversation and consequently took out life insurance and critical illness cover for DH (a large sum) and life insurance for me (currently a non earner, so a more modest amount to cover a housekeeper for 8 years)

He would automatically inherit as your spouse. You might want to set something aside for the children though. My kids get my 50% of the house and my jewellery etc

YABU if you don’t both have life insurance.

💐

Several issues here. Neither of you are financially planning correctly.

He needs to get a job.

You both need to do a will.

You need life insurance.

All of these are the bare minimum you should do to provide and protect your children.

If you are fed up with him you do t have to continue the relationship.

What if him not being a provider means not earning much more money than her? And if he is the primary carer for the kids and primary person for taking care of the house too?
You do not know, calm yourself.

Why are so many people saying op is being unreasonable?!?

Because there is so little information, @LuckySantangelo35.
It is implied that the husband is not working, but we do not know that. If he is a SAHH to their kids and presumably doing the housework, then it would be selfless from a woman.
And preparing a will is usually something grown-ups should do.

Maybe he will get a job or higher paid job when the DC are older.

When I was a SAHM and the kids were small and dh was working long hours with with the world on his shoulders - we had the conversation.
What would happen if I died and what would happen if he died and we planned for both scenarios.

Now we are both working, we still have that conversation - his pension is bigger than mine so we plan to ensure I am comfortable if he dies first.

If this is about your dh not working and doing his fair share, then that's a different conversation that also needs to be had.
Lack of communication and facing up to problems seems to be central to your issues either way.

MASSIVE RED FLAG! I'm sorry, sweetie, but I find what he said to you to be utterly creepy! I don't know him so I don't know how he treats you but by him not working, is it a case where he genuinely can't ... or won't? Never been a provider, never had any money... ''get a will, if you died'''.

It sounds like he's just been sponging off you all those years and hoping to get some cash at your death!

If you do decide to get a will, make sure it all goes to your kids. I don't know how or what but there must be some legal thing to add to the will to try to stop him contesting it.

With you being the all-you-can-do hard working mum and provider, frankly, I'd kick him out of your house and lives. Good luck!

My first thought was he was planning to do away with you! You should definitely have a will, especially as you have children. You say you have no savings now, but you don't know what will happen in the future. Maybe you will get a better job and be able to save, maybe you will inherit or win lotto (unlikely, but possible) etc. The will can state specific amounts/item/property but can also make general gifts like, 'all my remaining assets, including money and property are to be split equally between my DC'. If you leave everything to the children (e.g. in a trust, controlled by someone other than your husband), technically, in the UK, he could contest the will in court.

Both get wills
Both get life insurance
Look at your death in service benefit
See a solicitor

Well if you've got nothing tell him you will leave him 100% of nothing. Isn't he aware of your financial situation. Do you have a pension? Maybe that's what he's thinking of.

OP, you haven't said if you own or rent, as as others have said, haven't given enough information about DH and why he doesn't work, but if you own then you should make a will. Everybody should have a will as it makes things so much easier for the people left behind. Too many people don't make a will.

Depending on your circumstances, if there is a reason why you don't want DH to have it, and you want to secure it for DC, then if you own the house in your own name, then I would leave it to the DC.

Really, you should both have wills, and both have life insurance.

This is a standard situation most couples are in where one is a stay at home parent or works less. I wouldn’t see this as a red flag at all.

If you want him to get a job and take the load off you then that’s perfectly reasonable and needs resolution. But that’s a separate conversation to getting a will and life insurance.

A friend told me that she asked her partner what she and their daughter would do if he died prematurely - he said there are plenty of jobs, you'd just have to get one! He refused to put her on his pension as a beneficiary and wrote his will to ensure his sister got everything. People have weird relationships - this one went downhill from there.

Because the OP hasn't given any background. Her DH may be the SAHP by mutual agreement, her may be unable to work etc etc

I haven't voted either way because there isn't enough information to make that judgement.

If a SAHM of 3 children asked her DH to make a will no-one here would accuse her of being a Gold digger or Fannylodger would they!

Yes, you should maKe a will.

Wiyh comments like that id have all my assets put into a trust for my children. Nothing for the lazy spouse.
Ensure the trust is controlled by people you trust not him.

@Justawoman88 well if he can’t get a job now, he’s hardly going to get one when dealing with everything a death entails. Whilst raising 3 grieving children. What does he expect you to do about that? Another thing he expects you to think about by the sounds of it..