Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

Does he think a will can magic up money?

Do you think he meant you to get life insurance? Should he get it too then?

It all sounds very unbalanced.

It’s not sickening to ask and all couples with children need for have this conversation. Do you own a house, if so you need some life assurance which will pay off mortgage and perhaps a lump sum. I have a death in service benefit so no life assurance but if you’ve got a family home you own you need it. You can get life assurance that pays out a lump sum fairly cheaply depending if you have any significant health conditions. As others have said the question is why doesn’t he work and help provide for his family? He would have to work if nothing else in place

Does he work at all? Does he take care of the children while you work? Or has he just been sponging off you for years and doing nothing in return? It may be time for a conversation about how you feel put upon and that he needs to start to take steps to contribute more.

Regardless, you almost certainly should make a will, otherwise you'll have no control over what happens to your money and assets when you do pass away. My family found out the hard way that things don't always get distributed as you might think under the intestacy rules.

I agree with previous posters that it depends on the situation.

If he's a SAHD then it makes sense to think about protecting him in the event of your death - and also protecting you in the event of his death (as you would presumably need to pay for childcare in that situation). When I was a SAHM DH and I both had life insurance.

If he's a lazy workshy person who expects you to do all the heavy lifting in the relationship, then you need to think about whether it's time to cut your losses and split up.

Not true in every jurisdiction

Whatever the story behind all this, everyone should have a will, or at least make sure everything/all powers or rights are in both partners' names.

Well most of you aren’t widow so to just say he would have to work is stupid. You can’t just work when you have bereaved children they need you to be there at the school pick ups and drops off . The trauma of a parent is horrific.

op you need to go and get life insurance as does he. I don’t know why you find his comments so offensive there must be more to it.’

Doesn't that depend on why he doesn't work before we all slam the guy, don't we need more information? Is he the caregiver for the kids, is that the situation? Is he ill?

That apart, you sound ground down and unappreciated but there must be more to this?

I think there are two separate issues going on, lazy husband and the other being prepared in case anything does happen to you.
Do you have life insurance? Is there enough for the children to be provided for in the event of your death?
both hubbie and I have comprehensive life insurance policies, mortgage would be paid off , and both parties if the event of the other dying would still have enough to not need to work for a few years at least.

I suppose my husband could have written similar about me at points during our marriage when the kids were small. I was a SAHM. Of course my husband had life insurance and a will in place to protect me and the kids if something happened to him. That's just being responsible and caring about the family you've created. I also have always had life insurance, even when I was a SAHM, because there would have been a massive financial impact if all my unpaid labour had suddenly needed to be outsourced and paid for to allow my husband to keep working.

You haven't said nearly enough in your OP to make any kind of judgement on your husband's contribution. Is he a SAHD to young children?

But irrespective of his contribution, I can't understand why any parent would object to making a will or having life insurance to protect their family in the event of their death. That's not a "disgusting" request. It's your responsibility as a parent. He should also have a will and life insurance in place.

Having recently lost my husband and receiving a life insurance payout - I'd really recommend everyone sorting out planning for the future in this way.
We never expected my husband to develop the serious health condition he did and the fact that he left myself and our daughter well provided for, has made an awful situation slightly easier to deal with.
You never think it's going to happen to you, until it does.

We need more context. Why doesn't he work? Exactly what do you mean by nothing is in your name? Do you own a house? Is he SAHP? Is this a reverse?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the question and it’s something that any sensible parent should be having with their partner. Plans should be in place as to what would happen if either parent dies before your children become independent.
All this name calling is ridiculous. Many, many women are sahp and not called cocklodgers or scroungers for doing so. We have absolutely no idea why the OP is the provider.

This exactly. Wish I could have put it so clearly.

Why does your op feel like this particular issue is just the tip of the iceberg.

It partly depends on why he isn't working.

Is he a SAHD working with you as part of a team or is he just a lazy arse?

You definitely need Wills in place to clarify who you want to have your DC should you both die. And if you are buying your home you can put your share to go to your DC but that your DH can continue to live there until death or cohabiting.

Life assurance is a way to support your family should you die suddenly. Your DH could be the beneficiary initially as he would need to raise DC, you could change that at a later date to go to your DC. There may be some as part of your benefits package at work. Both DH and I have 4 or 6 times salary as life assurance.

If your DH is just a lazy arse then tell him to get a job just in case.

I’m the main earner, I’m festooned with life insurance and critical illness insurance in case something happens to me before DD is grown up and the mortgage is paid off. When she was born we both made wills and talked about who we would want to be her guardians if we both died. If we hadn’t, DH would have every right to raise it with me as a responsible adult and parent.

I don’t really understand the context of his comment but it’s a point to consider that if two people don’t equally earn, the loss of the higher earner is a difficult situation to navigate from a practical point of view and may need planning for if you earn very different amounts. We have a life insurance policy for my DH for this reason. It may come across hurtful but I definitely think as a family you need to think practically about what would happen and how you would manage if something happened to either of you. Of course he could always get a job should he need to!

1. yes, you need a will. Everyone with children should.
2. why would he be “on the street”? He’s your husband and would therefore inherit by default, wouldn’t he?

I absolutely agree with PP’s comments about him being a sahd, good father, husband etc. that’s a completely reasonable set-up.

If you feel that it isn’t sustainable anymore, it might however be time to make some changes. It is completely normal for SAHPs to return to work when the children are older.

The OP does not state that he does not have a job at all, only that he is not a provider. He might well be working and possibly evening earning more that OP, but just not very much. He might be the main person at home and from the tone of the post, I suspect the OP would have spelt out if he did nothing.
It sounds like the OP is frazzled, exhausted and deeply disappointed in life, which is serious.

Why don't you already have a will? If you have kids then it's one of the first things you do.
Having said that, a will isn't the problem here. As your DH he'll inherit anyway.

As others have said, we need to know if he's at home because he looks after the kids/due to illness/he's a cocklodger, if we're too offer an option or advice.

Tell him to be careful what he wishes for. Wills don't always contain what people expect.

He is a joke.

I know so many strong independent women wasting their lives with cockwombles like this and just don't get it, I could never be with such an inconsiderate loser, make a Will and leave him I say

Unlike others, I'm not convinced you need a will if you are married - DH and I got married because we could do so for less than the cost of writing two wills! Now we inherit from each other thru intestacy rules (small estates), problem solved.

However once it was clear that one of us would have to be SAHP to care for our disabled son (school holidays, insets, sickness), we took out life insurance. Not a huge amount, just enough to pay off the mortgage; so that if something happens, at least the house is owned outright and becomes one less worry for the surviving parent.