Husband asking me what will happen to him and kids when I die??

[Justawoman88]

Was in the car driving home and my husband said as an statement that if I died then him and our 3 children would be out on the streets and that I need to sort out a will. If he died still I would have money and I can live happily .
To give context, he's never been the provider, never had money . 10 years married and I've been the provider and the reason we have a roof over our heads. Truth is , I have nothing to my name. Years of spending my savings plus working and giving my family everything. I'm tired of having the world on my shoulders. I think this comment is sickening. I don't know, if I confront him I know he'll gaslight me or make me feel silly .

Simple answer. If you died, your lazy dh would have to get off his bum, go to work, and provide for his children, like decent parents do ! Like single mums everywhere do.

Make sure your will leaves your half of everything to your dcs. Or if you die first, he'll leave them with nothing.

You've given nothing like enough information about your DH for people to gain an accurate picture here, although some have decided that they know for sure he is a useless cocklodger. He might be, or he might be unable to work for some reason so has been a SAHP. We don't know and haven't been told.

Why is it sickening to be reminded that you need a will, especially as you have children? Of course you do. It is neither sickening nor silly. Why on earth would you not want to be sure your children at least would be provided for? Why not DH?

YABU this is a sensible conversation to have. Forget him and think about provision for your kids. I’m not sure of all the details, but I know someone who didn’t receive her husband’s pension or a life insurance payout because he passed suddenly without sorting things out properly. Your husband does need to be aware of any arrangements you’ve made.

There’s not enough of a story here for him to be written off as just lazy, so I’m not going to make that assumption.

Well, I sort of agree with him. What will happen to your kids if you die? Are you willing to risk they grow up in poverty?

You have no savings, that's fine. It just means you need to take out a basic life insurance policy so that at least if something happens, they'll be able to survive until your husband can get on his feet.

Had the same convo with my DH. Never cared before but now we have a baby on the way it's important to consider things. Death isn't an abstract concept.

Does he mean that you need to sort out life insurance?

What's the housing situation? Presumably you're renting or else you'd have mortgage life insurance and so the house would be paid and go to him and the kids anyway.

If you don't make a will, and you die before your husband, the default is that your husband will inherit your assets, tax free. So he needn't be worried. Assuming you are legally married.

What is there to "confront" him about?

He sounds like a dick, though.

I'm not sure if you already have life insurance in place but really with children you both need it. However thoughtlessly mentioned by him it's not worth the worry that either of you or your children should have to struggle if the worst possible scenario was ever to happen.

Both of you need insurance in case of death or incapacity.
Both of you need wills.

Am I missing something here? OP doesn't say he doesn't work, she says he's not "a provider". He could just be a low earner?

If you're married he'll inherit everything you own anyway, whether you have a will or not?

Would probably set up life insurance for the kids in this situation. I wouldn't feel the need to provide for him if you die though.

My DF was our main provider and died suddenly and unexpectedly age 36. Thank god he had been thoughtful enough to put in place life insurance. My childhood would have been very different without it.

I think the OP has some resentment towards her DH which is clouding her judgement on an important issue.

Everyone needs a will. It is challenging and lengthy to sort an estate without one.

Every parent needs to appoint guardians for their children, get life insurance and make a will.

There is not enough information here.

But really, as parents, you both are responsible for ensuring that your children don't end up homeless or in care if either of you should die.

I’m the one who holds the financials together in our house. I look after everything official (bills, house, tax etc…). DH isn’t able to handle money, his whole family is the same. It’s exhausting worrying about it all. But, I figure a lot of men must feel the same. In my family, the males sort all of this stuff out.

She doesn't just handle the finances, she is the finances. He's got no money, never did

He says you need to make out a will?

Why? Is he planning to murder you?

I’m only half-joking. Besides - everything should go to provide for your children and let your husband provide for himself.

I’d look into getting a life insurance policy though - and naming your kids as beneficiaries - with your parents or a trusted sibling or friend as conservator.
The monthly payment should be relatively inexpensive if you’re young.
I was foolish and waited until I was retired. Don’t be like me.

My apologies @TempleOfBloom - just saw you recommended the same thing. I should’ve quoted you.

Wow, @muggart
OP may very well be resentful - she may very well not be.

It’s not for any of us to decide how @Justawoman88 feels or to gage her judgment.

So much for armchair shrinks.

It’s so strange that on a parenting site when op didn’t specify whether her dh is a sahp that people’s leaps are to ‘what a lazy …’ . I think it’s a fair enough point for your dh, when I was sahm if something happened to dh we’d have nothing for me to live off, then when I got a job if something happened our standard of living would drop hugely. I could never and never could have earned what he does

It's a little more strange that the OP didn't specify and then buggered off.

MrsTerryPratchett
Sorry hit thanks then realised the time op posted, probably vented then fell asleep!!

Caveat I am a qualified protection adviser and my job is to advise people on life insurance and associated products to ensure people can stay in their homes if sick, or their family if they die.

@Justawoman88 you have not given enough information to say if a mortgage is involved, but if you have one and there is no life insurance for the sake of the kids you need to consider getting some and putting it in trust for them. Life insurance trusts are forms completed with the provider and not through a solicitor so no charge.

Then if your DH does not earn sufficiently to pay the bills once that is taken care of you may want a monthly payment from a life insurance plan until the children reach an age where they are financially independent.

Finally you don't need a will to divvy assets necessarily, but you do need one to ensure the children go to a guardian of your choice over social services choice.

It makes sense to have life insurance. Both ex and I have a 200k insurance policy to go to the other to cover costs. Youngest is 8. Rest of my assets will be sold and given to dc at 18.?

We've had this conversation, everyone should. Now we have life insurance.

I have always been the main provider in our relationship. Both work, but I earn more. I have also been the sole provider in previous relationships and having insurance and a will was a sensible part of that.

Any laziness aside, he's right, isn't he?

I would have thought most couples would want to be sure that there will be sufficient resources for the children if one of them dies.

Life insurance. My mum passed when I was 6. My dad did work, life insurance was really purchase incase it happened the other way round. But my dad was able to pay off the mortage and start a trust fund for me and my brother