To think there is no nice and easy way to say this

[AmIThatMam]

My daughter is overweight, medically but obviously- as in visually it’s obvious.
she carries her weight round her middle (like me- so I do sympathise) but when I was her age (9) I wasn’t overweight.
she is very active so it’s not that.
she overeats, simple as. She steals food from the kitchen. ( we now rarely have any ‘treats’ because she will sneak in and eat them) but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks. Then barely touches her balanced dinner.
i have had conversations with her - never mentioned weight- about eating healthy and balance. About her activities and if she wants to be strong she needs to eat a balanced diet. She agrees each time but carries in the same.
ive confronted her more firmly when I’ve found packets in her room. Sometimes it’s packets from else where so I’m guessing she gets food from kids at school?!
is it time to tell her she’s overweight or is that never going to be a good idea?

I feel for you OP as my daughter is also 9 and sounds very similar.
I have never spoken to her about her weight. I’ve tried to limit her snacking by saying she can only have 2 snacks a day (which aren’t fruit/veg) and the rest has to be fruit or veg.
The only difference is my daughter does eat all her meals and I’ve cut down the portion sizes of those too.
To be honest it’s made absolutely no difference at all and she really doesn’t eat a lot and as far as I’m aware she doesn’t sneak food. But she’s still overweight.
I’ve read a lot that once they are coming in to puberty they start to lay down fat on their body so I’m wondering if it’s that. But equally the fat isn’t coming from nowhere.
Im also lost as what to do to help but without giving her a complex about her weight

OP, are you and your partner, if you have one, overweight or obese? There is a strong link between the weight of parents and their children. It is good that you recognise she is overweight as many parents try to minimise things. Perhaps consult the school nurse or the GP.

Ignoring problems always makes them go away... noted

Can ypu prep a meal tje nigjt before so its in tje slow cooker, eg eat evening meal on Tuesday tjat was preapred monday, tje ccok Tuesday for Wedbesday's meal so there is a healthy meal immediately available whwn she gets in so if she is hungry ses not reaxhing for snacjs as a stop gap?

Malt loaf, biscuits, yogurt, bread sticks

@Nttttt sauces are always home made and we don’t have garlic bread but I take your points, we can always improve

Seconding hummus with carrot sticks and it’s so cheap to make your own hummus.

Peanut butter with apple slices and cinnamon is a treat!

We also blend Greek yoghurt, peanut butter a few dates and banana and top with a little bit of melted dark chocolate then in the freezer in little silicone moulds they taste like if magnum made peanut butter ones.

Great idea to offer one healthy treat like above after dinner or they will just snack on loads of bits.

Can you encourage her to cook with you? It might make dinner more appealing, end therefore more likely to eat it?

I second the idea of an early dinner. My friends used to have dinner at 4:30pm and although strange for friends it helped ith eating habits.

I was your daughter. My mother did the "you're overweight and it's your own fault" craic with me and it made it worse.

Turns out I had severe undiagnosed ADHD and was eating for stimulation rather than hunger. Now I'm diagnosed and medicated, all of that has stopped and I now eat like a "normal" person, my brain isn't looking to food for stimulation anymore.

It is very normal for kids to have to ask before eating snacks, and to be told no. Fruit only before tea, for example. And be very clear, if she continues to eat without asking, there will be no snacks at all. Other people will have theirs, but not her. Because it’s not fair if one person eats the treats.

For example Bolognese again is carbs (spaghetti) with more sugar on top (tomatoes) Then often will be accompanied by garlic bread. Especially using the jars of sauce they are packed full of sugar. I would look at making your own sauces packed full of veg (less tomatoes)

@Nttttt

Tomatoes are not at all full of sugar? If anything, quite the opposite. Spaghetti bolognaise is a perfectly acceptable meal. You sound like an almond mum! (Google it)

Whatever you do don’t tell her.
onwas not overweight, my mother bought be a coat size 18 as they said I would grow into it. I was 11. They told me if I didn’t exercise more I would be fat and I wanted to be slim like X who excercise every day.
Inwasnt fat. But then I developed a bad relationship with food from their involvement. I was bulimic for a little while then restricted and no one noticed.

Is she having teeny portions then? Malt loaf is one of the things they gave children to “build them up” when I was young. What’s she drinking? It sounds like she’s getting lots of extra calories. My sister was always overweight as a child. She definitely knew and felt sad about it.

They are both ultra processed and full of sugar..you'd be better off with an apple, a piece of cheese, a raw carrot

Yoghurt biscuits and malt loaf are full of sugar and very fattening. You need to take a look at yourself first as your daughter learns from you and copies what you eat. Snacks should be fruit and raw vegetables like carrots and celery not yoghurt biscuits and bread sticks.

Now is a good time to try and resolve - before she gets much older.

My DD is going through an ‘eating’ phase (a bit older than your daughter, and think she’s eating before next growth spurt and other changes.

Ive stopped all those same under 100cal snacks that I used to buy for lunch boxes and after school. Instead have things like boiled eggs, fruit (esp. bananas), raw veg, cheese, cold chicken. So protein, salad or veg. Rice cakes go down quite well. Not said anything to the kids, they just accept the changes.

i also have crumpets/muffins in the freezer for days where they have sports clubs after school but before dinner. More filling to keep them going. Some argue these aren’t the best snack - but working for us.

I would get rid of the the under 100cal snacks - on the whole they aren’t filling and too high sugar.

Another thing that can work is a food calendar on the wall. Just a whiteboard with what meals having when. Supposed to work as if you know you have spag Bol later that evening, you don’t eat the snacks. Works for me, but not sure if it helps the kids - could be worth a try. Enter in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Say it’s just for helping you keep track! Could also help the conversation about ensuring a balanced diet over each week.

Which yoghurt biscuits are you giving her? I can't think of any that are just 75 calories unless it's per biscuit, but they usually come in snack packs of 2 or 3 biscuits and who only ever has one?! One 75 cal biscuit won't be at all filling and offers zero nutrition.

I know people bang on about protein, but carb-based snacks will only fuel your DD's hunger as her blood sugar will be a rollercoaster of highs followed by crashes. Fat and protein is much more satiating.

@AmIThatMam

I was overweight as a kid and my mum told us we were all becoming a healthy household. We got points for eating healthy foods, cooked together and did family exercise.

I really enjoyed it and didn’t feel targeted. It was only when I got older that she told me it had all been to help me lose weight and that the rest of them were secretly scoffing chocolate at night!

Spah BOL is great if the sauce is made fresh and not from a jar. Tinned tomatoes are fine

OP - My post was so long I missed a lot.

I take your point - a slice of malt loaf or a yoghurt biscuit isn't a lot. When that's ALL they have. But think of it this way - 2 slices and 2 biscuits and bang, you're already up to 20% of her calories for the day.

Your family meals are totally normal. they're probably also not ideal in this situation. Too high in fat and carbs. Children need both so you shouldn't be cancelling them, but children who like to eat a lot need to fill up on things that are lower calorie, lower carb and lower fat.

eg mince - we now regularly do an asian style mince dish. I use a packet of beef or pork mince which I think is 350 or 400g (bearing in mind that DH has a very very physical job and DS is now 13, 5ft6 and plays sport at a fairly intense level a minimum of 5x per week, depending on matches. There are weeks where he is training/playing matches for 1-2 hours every day). I stir fry this. Then I stir fry a massive pile of vegetables - usually I fill a normal sized chopping board with sliced carrot, onion, broccoli, baby corn, cabbage etc. By volume, raw, it's at least double the amount of meat, maybe 3x. Season and flavour with garlic, ginger, lime, soy sauce etc. And then I add rice noodles or those ready-to-work noodles as per the recommended portion size (which, back in the day, I'd have considered too small). Compare this to when I make bolognaise - the ratio of mince to vegetables, even with the added veggies that I always add (mushrooms, carrots, lentils) is still, by volume, about the same for th meat and the veg. And then there's a huge bowl of spaghetti too....

@Trulyme no she’s not stealing from her friends. Her friends share food with her.

Go to the doctor or get advise. My mum over fed us and never encouraged us to eat healthy. It’s still impacting me in my 60s

Don’t buy the snacks (apart from fruit and veg sticks) as long as she’s eating balanced meals she won’t starve and she can have bigger portions of veg etc.

You need her to cut down her sugar intake. Malt loaf biscuits and multipack yoghurts ( unless plain) will be full of sugar. The soreen snack bars have 8g of sugar and 9 year olds are only meant to have 24g of sugar daily

Sugar is so addictive and I feel for you as this is going to be hard but not impossible. Try getting some high protein snack instead and cut down on processed food if you use this.

Is she your eldest, or your eldest girl by any chance?