To think there is no nice and easy way to say this

[AmIThatMam]

My daughter is overweight, medically but obviously- as in visually it’s obvious.
she carries her weight round her middle (like me- so I do sympathise) but when I was her age (9) I wasn’t overweight.
she is very active so it’s not that.
she overeats, simple as. She steals food from the kitchen. ( we now rarely have any ‘treats’ because she will sneak in and eat them) but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks. Then barely touches her balanced dinner.
i have had conversations with her - never mentioned weight- about eating healthy and balance. About her activities and if she wants to be strong she needs to eat a balanced diet. She agrees each time but carries in the same.
ive confronted her more firmly when I’ve found packets in her room. Sometimes it’s packets from else where so I’m guessing she gets food from kids at school?!
is it time to tell her she’s overweight or is that never going to be a good idea?

I would bring her dinner forward - I would also feed her things at dinner you know she will eat. Our (adults) idea of a balanced dinner may just be the reason she doesn't want to eat it ans wants to snack instead.

Can she be distracted when hungry - just wondering if she is bored and is she drinking enough.

I wouldn’t worry right now a lot of young people I know put weight on before a growth spurt - my son was ravenous all the time at 9-10 yo! He’s now a very fit 20 yo!!

My daughter on the other hand is a patient of the eating disorder service - she has said to her counsellor that some of her issues stem from things that were said to her (by well meaning people - grandparents/ aunties etc) when she was younger (she is nearly 18) - her issue was that she has always been slim and people used to be surprised by how much she was eating!!! So they would comment 😔

I would not wish her eating disorder journey on anyone - my husband and I have had to work really hard to stay married because of the pressure and risk of looking after our beautiful daughter. So, Please do not say anything to your DD about her weight it really is not necessary. Ask your Dr to be referred to the dietician and if you think her eating really is abnormal perhaps the Dr can review this and take bloods - checking for thyroid or other issues.

I don’t want your DD to be where mine currently is.

She could be snacking because she has a carb addiction. Some people don't do well with snacking and have high insulin levels which makes them overweight.

Talk to her about getting healthy and how you're all going to cut down sugary and wheat foods so you can all be healthy.
The best thing is to stop snacking.
Most people are overweight because they consume too much grain, especially wheat.
Look how often wheat comes up throughout her day. Combined with sugar and it's really unhealthy.

Hello, I haven't rtft but look up beezeebodies and see if they have support in your area. It's a great resource. Best of luck

Has she seen a doctor to rule out any physical health issues?

She knows. Or if she doesn’t know now, she will later and it will really hurt.
Don’t buy any high calorie snacks. Have dinner ready for when she comes home. Check that her friendships etc are really OK. But don’t tell her she’s overweight.

I remember feeling absolutely starving the minute I got home from school so I think your simplest solution is to have her meal ready as soon as she gets in. Start giving her the dinner from the night before microwaved if you are struggling with timings and then she can pick at the second main meal if she feels hungry later. And lock away all snacks.

I’d start locking up food. Simple as

id also go to the drs to get it checked. Just to make sure there’s no hormone imbalance.

thyroid is incredibly rare in such young children but can happen.

I was your daughter OP. Believe me she knows about her weight. Don't mention it to her, it will hurt her self esteem and make everything much worse.

I expect your daughter is quite hungry and thirsty from all the sport she's doing.

My suggestions are:

• try to avoid her getting too hungry. A banana before she feels ravenous would be great. Or a bowl of vegetable soup when she gets home (homemade and not many calories). When I get ravenous I start eating and can't stop.
• don't buy snacks like malt loaf, biscuits etc.
• do buy fruit, veg, plain nuts. Lots of it. Make it tempting and freely available. Lots of lovely crudités, fruit salad etc. if she wants to snack let her eat those and don't shame her for feeling hungry. Show her she can help herself to these. If you restrict her she will end up sneaking and hoarding food.
• no one is allowed to eat in their bedrooms as you are worried about mice
• smaller portions of healthier food for dinner. Half of everyone's plate should be veg.

T

You need to educate yourself on nutrition. The snacks you stock/listed aren’t nutritious and won’t satisfy her. Make sure she has fair bit of good quality lean protein, fibre (ie fruit, veg, whole grain foods). That will keep her satiated if it’s hunger. If it’s boredom or anxiety you’ll need to provide her with tools to address those instead of food.

Ok I worded that wrong - jars of tomato based sauces are full of sugar. I eat tomatoes on salad and we use tinned tomatoes as bases for sauces.

I really don’t appreciate you calling me that as it insinuates that I will be feeding my child in an unhealthy way when she is born and pushing things on to her.

If you’d like a daily meal plan to check I’m not going to be abusing my child because that’s made me feel extremely uncomfortable it goes as follows based on yesterday;

breakfast; massive slice of homemade veg frittata made with eggs, cottage cheese and loads of veggies.

Lunch; Ramen with fried tofu, egg and veg

Dinner; Salmon with a Greek salad with feta cheese, olives and homemade dressing then full fat coleslaw on the side.

Snacks; peanut butter and Greek yoghurt frozen with dark chocolate on top

Bowl of berries with Greek yoghurt and low sugar granola and chai seeds on top

3 dates with peanut butter as I’m trying to induce labour as I’m 38 weeks and dates are recommended although not proven.

1 matcha latte
x2 raspberry leaf tea
x1 sparkling flavoured water
lots of water.

I still eat sugary things but things I can control how much sugar is in. As I mentioned earlier I have a sweet tooth due to my mum buying “healthy” snack bars which aren’t healthy at all. I still consume small amounts of caffeine, I’m not restrictive. I eat a pescatarian and gluten free diet as I am intolerant to wheat but my child likely will not be.

Please don’t go around on the internet saying crap like that to people about what kind of mum they are especially when this is a post about diets as it can be harmful. I’m trying to help OP as she’s struggling with this and she’s doing a lot to try and sort this issue.

At 9 I had a decidedly chubby dd, who couldn't help grabbing snacks if they were there. It was just a reflex thing. She's 12 now, I stopped buying snack food and she's grown and developed and is now a tall slim active child. She's unrecognisable from 2 years ago

I would also literally buy no snacks at all.

id buy fruit and that’s it.

Yes exactly...if you want her to have the odd sugary treat it should be as part of a meal to prevent the sugar crash. In between meals stick to healthy (in other words, minimally processed whole foods) snacks. Don't worry about calories or fat, just make sure that 95% of her diet is healthy.

If she's hungry and filling up on empty calories
she may be lacking in micro nutrients which then causes her to want eat more

Also is she really active? 2 hours exercise daily is the recommendation for children that age. That can only really be provided by playing outside or swimming or perhaps sport training if it doesn't involve too much standing around. I doubt many children get the recommended amount in winter unless they are walking at least 30 minutes to school

I think this is very good advice.

This!!!

Is it because she has restricted access or had as a younger child she will now find anyway to get snacks etc that aren’t healthy. I ask just from observing various families and how they eat. My younger cousins were brought up in a house with a full cupboard of crisps, chocolate bars, biscuits, etc. nothing was ever off limits. Neither of them eat much of this stuff, the eldest now in 20’s is a great and inventive chef. I had a limited number of “snacks” during the week as a child and I don’t keep. Snack food in the house as I have no self BBC control. I was the youngest of 4 and had to fight or be sneaky to get extra crisps chocolate etc! With my own kids I don’t let them have constant access to snacks but given a chance it’s all they would eat. Despite seeing all this I can’t get my head round being lax about food and allowing whatever. What I’m saying is maybe you need to relax, have snacks available not A banned or naughty food and allow your DD to figure it out herself in a way…. Telling a nine year old she is fat won’t help. In any way at all. Giving her more control not less over her food might. As teenagers we’d stay with my much younger cousins and demolish their chocolate supplies within a week….were as they had chocolate. Going out of date…. So who’s relationship with food is healthier the child bought up with cupboards full of junk that barely touches it or the child who is rationed and when given access gorges oneself!

Malt loaf

stop buying it.

I’d suggest reading Ultra Processed People if you get the chance. Calories are far less important than food quality. Low fat generally means highly processed and full of sugar - not really the ideal thing for children to be snacking on. It’s not just about weight it’s about their health. Processed foods encourage eating more and cravings in susceptible people. Kids should eat mainly real food. Cheese, apple slices with nut butter, cucumbers and carrot sticks with hummous, fruit and Greek yogurt (plain and always full fat - not the sugary kind) are all easy snacks to keep in the fridge. I would stop buying the supermarket snacks and stock up on this sort of thing. It’s far more filling and should stop her craving junk food as much.

Also agree with a pp about breakfast cereal. Mine have porridge (made on the hob), homemade spelt pancakes with fruit, or eggs whichever way they fancy them. This really doesn’t take that long, scrambled eggs are done in 3 mins - ds often makes his own. Pancakes are a bit more hassle but dd is fussy and would only eat rubbish if I let her. She’s not big at all but I am concerned about her health as her diet is limited.

This thread is peak mumsnet with all the hysteria about malt loaf and breadsticks.

The above poster is giving excellent advice, the best on the thread.

This is 10000%

Have a suitable snack available for after school as in my experience children are literally starving then - at least mine were! Don't have the other snacks freely available, hide them elsewhere and have more control over them.
Tell her that you're upset that you are spending ages in the kitchen cooking healthy meals for her and that it's getting wasted. This is what I tell my son as he has a tendency to have multiple snacks when he gets home and then do the same thing as your daughter. I am upset! Or you could batch freeze some meals so that dinner is ready earlier - my problem is that I don't cook early enough as I'm tired after work.

I agree. They are ultra processed rubbish that cause weight gain and food cravings.

Eliminate all UPF snacks, offer fruit, veg sticks, cheese, natural or greek yoghurt, hard boiled egg, real foods.

The good thing OP is that you’re aware of it and actively want to help. At this age as well her diet is almost entirely within your control in the sense that she isn’t a teenager who can go out and get crisps/sweets etc from the shop herself.

If I was you I’d break down what a day of eating looks like as best you can, being brutally honest, and see what you find. I absolutely don’t mean to assume but there may well be calories hidden throughout the day that you don’t see. For example cereal and milk for breakfast could be 120 calories or if could be 350 calories depending on portion etc, so what you may see as an okay breakfast could just be too much. The same for evening meals- sausage mash & veg could be 400 calories or it could be 900 calories, I know you are saying that you are making these typical family meals and there’s nothing wrong with that, but when you’re talking about weight gain you will gain weight just as easily from eating too big a portion consistently every day as you will eating a mcdonalds every day. Too much of good hearty food is still too much food at the end of the day.

With regards to snacks I would really try and keep the quantity to 1 mid morning snack while at school so a piece of fruit, then a good lunch (school dinners I assume?) and then an afternoon snack of maybe a yoghurt before serving tea, dessert could be some ice cream, some jelly, a freddo or something similar but again its portion control, a bowl of ice cream could be 120 calories or 300 calories.

What size are her portions? How much oil do you use?

Snacks are a problem in general. Children never had so many snacks in the past and were slim.

I work in a school, and it's a constant battle to get people to see that the snacks children eat are not healthy. Parents constantly send in chocolate biscuits, crisps, fruit-based sugary sweet chews like fruit-winders etc. chocolate covered brunch bars and cereal bars, mini cheddars, fruit smoothies etc. on a daily basis. Fine if it's a rare treat, but this is every day and then they have a packed lunch containing even more of this junk.

We are pressured as a school by parents, but many of the teachers don't have any idea about healthy snacks either and as a school we have a snack time mid afternoon, even though it's only an hour and a half since they ate lunch- they then go home an hour later and most have another snack then.

I really think they don't don't need it.