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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there is no nice and easy way to say this

403 replies

AmIThatMam · 26/01/2024 17:31

My daughter is overweight, medically but obviously- as in visually it’s obvious.
she carries her weight round her middle (like me- so I do sympathise) but when I was her age (9) I wasn’t overweight.
she is very active so it’s not that.
she overeats, simple as. She steals food from the kitchen. ( we now rarely have any ‘treats’ because she will sneak in and eat them) but she will just eat whatever is there, snacks for school- malt loaf, yoghurt biscuits, breadsticks. Then barely touches her balanced dinner.
i have had conversations with her - never mentioned weight- about eating healthy and balance. About her activities and if she wants to be strong she needs to eat a balanced diet. She agrees each time but carries in the same.
ive confronted her more firmly when I’ve found packets in her room. Sometimes it’s packets from else where so I’m guessing she gets food from kids at school?!
is it time to tell her she’s overweight or is that never going to be a good idea?

OP posts:
FucksSakeSusan · 28/01/2024 21:50

HowToSaveAWife · 26/01/2024 18:00

I was your daughter. My mother did the "you're overweight and it's your own fault" craic with me and it made it worse.

Turns out I had severe undiagnosed ADHD and was eating for stimulation rather than hunger. Now I'm diagnosed and medicated, all of that has stopped and I now eat like a "normal" person, my brain isn't looking to food for stimulation anymore.

Same situation but it was my dad who called me fat constantly. Also diagnosed in adulthood with ADHD - I ate for sensory stimulation and the dopamine rush.

ellyeth · 29/01/2024 11:52

Children seem to be hungry when they get home from school and yet often have to wait till 6 or even much letter for a meal. If it is possible, perhaps just having a meal ready at about 4/5 will help her. I say this because you say by the time her meal is ready she doesn't eat that much because she has filled up with snacks.

BeretRaspberry · 01/02/2024 23:17

Minglingpringle · 27/01/2024 20:08

We need all the food groups and we need them in their natural (unprocessed) form.

The main thing we don’t need is sugar and other refined carbs (eg white bread, white pasta). They carry calories but no nutrition. If you were starving the calories would be useful, but if you have plenty of food then you can do better and get nutrients with your calories. It’s whole carbs we need, not refined ones. And if you’re susceptible to blood sugar peaks and troughs, which lots of people are, then eating sugar and other refined carbs will make you more hungry than before and make you eat more. Sugar wrapped up with fibre (eg fruit, or wholemeal bread/pasta) doesn’t have as strong an effect, and brings other nutritional benefits. But malt loaf and biscuits will create a desire to eat more but leave you unsatisfied even if you do. Even eating white pasta with bolognese is not as bad as eating malt loaf, because the protein, fat and fibre in the sauce dilute the effect.

We may not ‘need’ those things because there are other things available but that doesn’t mean they’re bad. I eat only white rice and pasta because wholemeal/brown exacerbates my IBS. As do a lot of fruits and veg. Though I love veg so I try and get round it.

I also have PCOS and insulin resistance. As well previously having an ED caused by trying to follow all of these rules that we’re supposed to follow. I now eat intuitively, listening to MY body. And if I eat sweet stuff, I eat it consciously..and it doesn’t make me crave it more. What makes me (and probably a lot of people) crave things, is restriction of the things that some people deem as ‘bad’.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong in eating any type of food, be that refined, white carbs, sugar, UPFs or whatever. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t be eating a wide variety of things, including whole foods and fruits and veg, where possible. But don’t forget, that’s also a privilege a lot of people don’t have.

Over the last few decades, fat was the baddie first, then it was carbs, then sugar, now it’s UPFs, then these things all take turns to be the baddie again and again.

It’s about time people stopped stressing so much and stopped listening to all the scaremongering. Yes, eat as ‘well’ you can, and listen to your body as to how it feels, and if necessary, adjust.

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