To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

I would say exactly the same if it was a woman.

You know when you get pregnant it will either be a boy or a girl, and you don't always get your choice.

You deal with it.

So he wants you to name a female baby with a boy's name so it will make him feel better ...?
Is he in Disneyland ?..
He's a prick

Would a woman experiencing gender disappointment be refusing to talk to her husband because the baby wasn’t the sex she wanted? Telling her husband that men who can’t make babies aren’t real men? Trying to force a name associated with the opposite sex on the baby saying it’s the only way she can bond with the baby? There’s gender disappointment, and then there’s this.

My Dad had 5 Dad's and no DS's. I'm sure he'd have loved a son.....just as much as he loved his 5 DD's. He took me to the cricket and one of my sisters who wanted to go to the football and always kicked a football around with us all in the park. Your husband sounds vile and bigoted. You don't sound very nice if you'd sacrifice your DD's self esteem to appease your crazy husband.

I'd go along with his name choice while waiting to see if he snaps out of it by the time the baby comes, and at the same time looking at how to return to your family if he doesn't.

Do you and your girls have Dutch Citizenship? I ask as I understand that S Africa can be a very challenging place to live and you may wish to return. Or could you fins out about what kind of support you would get in the Netherlands as a single mother of four choose, possibly your midwife or health visitor could help (in the UK they do if there is so much of a hint of abuse, which there is in this).

I think so too.

And discard the other embryos on the grounds that they were girls?
Great!

This.

I don’t imagine how you are putting up with such chauvinism and ignorance, please don’t put yourself and your DD through more abuse.

I doubt the issue of the name is not the only issue you have. Does he expects you to Behave according to ancient norms where he has the final say on everything just because he grew a penis in utero?

Completely agree with this. He is pathetic.
Call her the nicest, prettiest girls name you can think of!

@Afrikaaner
I feel guilty because he doesn't eat, spend his time drinking and doesn't talk to me or play with his girls.

And all that behaviour is supposed to be your fault, why? He is wholly responsible for his own actions. Remember that.

But if I leave, I am afraid my daughters will hate me for depriving them from a father.

Yes, I made poor choices and I am trying to fix it it as much as possible.

You made the best choices you could, with the information you had at the time. Things have changed, so now, you make the best choices you can again, given the new information you have.

Your daughters will find it difficult at first if you leave, of course they will. Alternatively you could stay and they may find it difficult for longer and really grow to hate you for keeping them there in such a toxic relationship.

I tend to take a more measured view than a lot of MN contributors, but in your shoes I'd definitely return home with my daughters to be amongst people who truly love and value them for who they are, not denigrate them simply for existing in a form that's not of their choosing.

I don’t know… I have one of those pieces of shit in my family and we are all from the same culture.

Do you seriously think that if you called her bob or something then all of this would be fine?

Take your kids and get out. Go to SA, ideally before this baby is born, and don’t put him on the birth certificate. He sounds like a complete psychopath and if you stay your daughters will grow up horribly damaged.

If he's looking for a way to show everyone he's disappointed every single day, and fuck up his children he's on to a winner.

How you haven't just said 'piss of you sexist bastard' is beyond me.

You chose to have a fourth child with this monster. I feel sorry for your daughters, having a father who hates what they are.

He does know that it is his who is technically responsible for the sex, right?

So what if it does incite criticism? It's an abhorrent attitude, I hope it DOES incite criticism

Does he realise that it is the man who gives the gender to the baby.
You need to educate him on this and his family.

oh I do too. Just noticed so many posts like this. Anyway, as everyone says, leave him. And I rarely say that.

Are you fucking serious????

On reflection, you're right. The whole name thing is a crap idea. He just needs to deal with the fact he has three strong beautiful daughters. That or piss off.

I would just answer ‘Ok, Gloria.’
And continue calling him Gloria or a very feminine Dutch name until he acted like a reasonable father.

I really hate how the word ‘culture’ is now used to try and somehow absorb the complete twatish behaviour of people. Tell him if you name your last daughter a boys name she will grow up forever knowing her dad was so bitterly disappointed she wasn’t a boy he tried to morph her into one by name. It’s weird! His an adult and needs to grow up & be grateful.

Who fucking cares! He’s an absolute misogynistic wanker and I would not bring my children up with him whether they were called George or Georgia.

Most fathers would be happy with a healthy baby. Anyway, back to the names, how about Danni or Lee or Rae or Sam