To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

Jesus this is awful!

Imagine how this little girl is going to feel, being unwanted because she is female.

Don't give her a male name ffs. Get rid of the man. Horrible man that he is

I have a very different view on your limited ethnocentric perspective personally, because I'm not white/British (e.g. when LGBT customs were considered a "dirty native practice" in my culture just over half a century ago by the ruling Brits, and then when the country bent over backwards to conform to your "Victorian ideals", we're suddenly deemed homophobic the second the UK changes its mind; or the homophobic Section 377 legacy the British left in 50 countries, many of which originally embraced LGBT practices; or when, counter to the original local cultures, rights were stripped from women in accordance with "Victorian ideals" in many colonies, the legacy of which remains; or I could go on and on...)

That said, you could start a post discussing the merits and downsides of different cultures, without resorting to making up fake troll scenarios.

Gender disappointment is a real thing

Disappointment is a feeling. A normal feeling that we all experience at some point whether its related to parenthood, work, relationships or any other aspect of life. Like any uncomfortable feeling, you can choose to give in to it and let it consume you or you can try to move past it.

The term "gender disappointment" was coined by parenting websites, it isn't a diagnosable condition and it's not helpful to talk about it as such.

Being upset because you aren't getting something you want is not a mental illness, and it certainly doesn't give you licence to give your partner the silent treatment or make unreasonable demands like OP's DH is doing.

Don't call your daughter a boy's name, that's just setting her up for bullying and gender identity confusion because your husband's a tool. If he wants to name a girl a boy's name, he can get a hamster and call it whatever his little heart desires.

To be fair women who post about it here don’t tend to get an easy time of it.

Alex or Kim should keep him happy. He is still a pig

Poor child!

I absolutely would NOT do this and I would be seriously questioning why you are with someone who behaves like this.

Sorry OP but you are married to a top notch mysogynist.
Being pregnant with 3 other DC things must be pretty full on for you, but I would start getting your ducks in a row to leave him.
Your poor daughters having their dad like this.
Its not your fault, its on him. But you also get to make choices in and for your life.

He sounds like a has been been immersed in so much of his culture that he can't tell the difference between what's healthy and what's not,

Hardly susprisely

When he has grown up in a society that panders so much to male fragile egos in disproportionately,
to the other gender which is female..

I would look at a Gender neutral name first or middle name and make sure there is also a very feminine name somewhere too..
for your latest addition to your family...

Really important to ensure that

Sounds like he is taking on his Pakistani culture to want a boy and yet doesn't mind drinking which is so looked down upon by that same culture! It is infuriating how they cherry pick bits from culture to suit them. I would stand for my girl, and call her nothing but a girls' name. What's the point of him in their lives if he doesn't have the balls to accept the sex of his children.

A man like this does not deserve to propagate his gene pool.

Typo omission detrimental * to the other gender

Does he think women who have amazing, strong, healthy babies through IVF are not real women? Tell him to get with the times.

If this is real, I'm wondering why you've actually had more than one child with him?

I agree with a PP, your husband is a dick

Your husband sounds like a complete and utter twonk! Sorry, but it's ridiculous that he's this upset about something that you literally have no say in, anyway. I'd be telling him, in no uncertain terms, to grow up.
Talk about putting a pressure on you that you don't need when you're pregnant.

and you're having a 3rd 4th? child with this prince?

Gosh your hubby is so lucky to be having a fourth healthy child! Or rather to be with someone giving him a fourth healthy child!

A fourth, no less.

My father really wanted a boy, he ended up with 2 girls instead. He has loved and cherished us both since the moment we were born. I have two sons, during my second pregnancy my husband and I was hoping for a girl, one of each yes! I got another boy.. a couple of moments of ‘pffft’ in the scan room and then, so what? He’s my precious healthy child and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

If my husband had acted anywhere close to how yours is treating you during such a vulnerable time.. I would leave him.

If my husband treated my children and future baby the way your ‘D’H is treating yours.. he’d be out the fucking door with my foot up his arse.

I would go it alone before I let any hateful man damage my children, and yours hasn’t even been born yet!!!!!. Get a grip.

It's not a standard Pakistani thing. It's a him thing.

What a sad, pathetic little man he is! His children are individuals not little Mini Hims who have to be, look and do what he wants! What the AF is wrong with him!

You've already said his attitude is affecting your girls. I’d seriously and secretly look into getting away from him - for your sake and for your daughters’ sakes. Wanting you to call your newest DD a boys name is creepy AF. It sounds like he’ll try to mould her into a ‘boy’. He’ll mess with her head big-time.

For all your sakes get away from him. Call your DD a normal girl’s name. You say you’ve made mistakes. That’s ok, but don’t make another one. Don’t let him affect your baby. Name her normally and plan your escape.

Just seen your edit! Unbelievable, isn't it.

This.

Enjoy your girls.
Tell him if he doesn't pull himself together and act stop being a total dick, then he can pack his bags and go. You will not having your daughter's raised by an ignorant misogynist.

Best comment ever 💪🏼 what a melt he is x