To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

His culture sounds totally backwards & ridiculous. He should be more voncerned about having a healthy child, not its gender. Tell him to get over his culture's attitude to girls, give your poor dd an appropriate name or tell him to fuck off. Also, does he not realise that it's the male who determines the sex if a baby?

Since he found this on my phone search, he got so mad.

What was he doing looking through your phone?

He's abusing you.

I hope you are OK.

I'm worried about you @Afrikaaner - hope you are ok.

Can you go back to SA for a bit and ask your family for support?

He's abusive and I can't imagine He'll be a good father to 4 DD's as they'll be a disappointment in his eyes
He's controlling as you have no access to money and he tracks your phone
Can you return to family?
You deserve so much better

Fucking hell, that poor child. Absolute bellend for a father and a mother who is considering entertaining such bollocks.

Are you OK OP? This is abuse.

YABU for having 4 children. Nobody needs 4 children.

Also your husband is full of shit in regards to vaginal acidity and diet, but I suspect that you know this already.

Why you are still with him is beyond me.

Leave her alone. She can have as many children as she wishes to, none of your damn business.

I'm more concerned that she's ok, as she hasn't posted since she said that her husband had discovered this post.

And all you can do is yap about how many children she has? Are you actually for real?!

Good grief.

Well, it seems I won't even have to leave him because he wants a divorce and has left the house. He told me he is not interested in any of "my" daughters.

Good riddance.

Sounds like the trash took itself out then OP.

Make sure you flag this to your midwife and start claiming everything you are entitled to - Child Benefit for your existing children now, UC, CMS etc. You will need to open a bank account ASAP.

You should also contact somewhere like Women's Aid for advice - he has been abusing you for a long time.

Gather any important documents in the house (birth certificates, any of his bank statements for proof of income, marriage certificate, passports for you and your DDs) and keep them safe. Take pictures of his bank statements and back them up online and email them to yourself.

Oh love. I'm so sorry. It might feel scary and worrying at the moment but this will be the making of you and the best thing for your four lovely daughters. You'll show them what isn't acceptable.

He sounds awful so it's for the best he's gone. It won't seem it now, but you will see eventually.

In the long run this is the best outcome but I'm so sorry for you right now. He sounds like an appalling man that you share no values with as well as being a misogynistic prick.

Will you go back to your family in SA? Go be looked after!

Oh @Afrikaaner, my heart is breaking for you 💔 He's awful, and you are so much better off without him. It's hard to know that right now, but you will get through this!

Guilty conscience behaviour or what. Sad little man can’t cope with situation in which he has put himself so runaway rather than deal with it like a grown up. Tough now but you and your children are much better off without this rotten waste of space. It’s horrible for your daughters, but one day they will understand. Take care of yourself.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. I think you will be far happier without the selfish bastard, walking out on you while you are pregnant with his baby.

I'm just so glad to see your post because I was really concerned when I read your previous.

Take your daughters and go home after your baby is born.

I hope the absolute cunt rots in hell. There's actually not sweary enough words to describe him, lowest of the low!! Could any of your family come over to help you out for a while and keep you company?

Look after yourself xx