To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

Dear Afrikaaner - I'm from your part of the world - went to UCT years ago and travelled the world mixing with different peoples. I had a BIL ( not from south Africa but north Africa)whose DW had 7 girls in 7 years trying to have a boy to make DH happy - which ruined her health of course. I was lucky my first child was a boy! So all I can say is ''good luck'' to your new baby girl - hope she doesn't need a life time of counselling.

Is he delusional or just an arsehole living in the dark ages?

And now sulking and won’t speak to you? Please tell me you’ve had four children because you wanted four children, not just kept having children because he wanted a boy?

FFS OP listen to yourself and grow a backbone for the sake of your girls if nothing else

Sex of a child is not 50/50 - it sounds like he's more likely to produce XX sperm

Yes... and talk about a one way street to gender dysphoria.

This will be a very confused child, especially with all the complicated gender stuff in our current society.

I grew up partly in South Africa. This "real woman" shit is rubbish and not part of his "culture", he's just a complete dick and an ignorant fool to boot. I couldn't stay with someone like this.

H*e knows that, but told me all the BS about how the acidity of the vagina or my diet could have had an impact
*
Definitely tell him to piss off and go and re educate himself if he believes shite like that!

Tell your husband not to be so bloody ridiculous. Yes there are unisex names but if he wants to pretend that she's a boy that will be very damaging for your daughter.

Anyone can be a bit disappointed.

The way your husband is behaving is beyond ridiculous.

Oops not sure what happened there. I did try and do the first part in bold

Your husband is a bellend

The name isn't the most important thing here, he has told you he won't bond with this child. Why on earth are you excepting this? Is it his culture to reject Daughters? I really feel for the daughters you already have, to grow up knowing you are not good enough in your fathers eye s must be soul destroying.

First, it's sex not gender. All your children can chose to express their gender identity however they choose.
Second, how can you have even consider children with a man who has that viewpoint. Your poor kids, especially this latest one. Don't give a name which is usually given to boys (although all names are social constructs). Your DH needs to seriously change his viewpoint for the sake of his kids.

Sorry just read that you are the one from S Africa (although why have you spelled Afrikaner wrong as your user name if so?). If he's Dutch this is even more bullshit. Why would he spout such nonsense?

Even if you named the child Dave, Dave would just become a girls name not the other way round. A name becomes a name. Blake is a boys name, yet, if you asked me to name a celebrity I would think of Blake Lively first....and she and Ryan Reynolds named one of their daughters James. It's odd to me but just like the name Blake, I'm guessing, James just becomes your girl's name and once people are used to it they will just think of YOUR girl rather than A boy. It won't make any difference. Your husband, however, will still have his issues.

So OP judging from your last post your DH is Pakistani Dutch (Muslim?) which could mean he supports honour killings (don't ask me how I know) and your DDs will almost certainly be carted off to Pakistan for arranged marriages.

You're white South African?

As others have said, get yourself back to SA, get a job and a bank account and stop being such a walkover.

@Bex5490

"My African culture". What is an African culture? Do Gabonese people and Somalis have the same culture? There are 54 countries in continental Africa.

Even in my own country, there are diverse culture. Afrikaans, Zulu, Xhosa and so many more.

So I don't know what you are talking about.

He's Dutch Asian/Pakistani from OP's pp.

What kind of message is this sending your daughters? It's so sad. They'll think they're not good enough if they find out what your husband's opinions are. I wouldn't name my dd a boy's name. You'd be enabling his nonsense

You're going off tangent here. You're the one married to a sexist, misogynistic man.

Some boys names work great for girls.

You have much bigger problems though. It is abusive to try to blame you for the sex of your babies and abusive to be ridiculous trying to enforce consequences on you (and your children) for your "failure" to provide a son.

I am concerned for your and all your dd's wellbeing with this prince.

Why are you feeling guilty? You haven’t done anything wrong. He is suffering with gender disappointment but this isn’t your fault, it’s not his either but it is down for the man whether it’s a boy or a girl.
he can’t just name your daughter a boys name and pretend it’s a boy. He needs to get over it, your little girl deserves someone who is grateful she is coming into the world. Believe me I have suffered with gender disappointment myself but I got over it and am truly grateful for my children. This isnt fair on you either.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain

Yes, I am a white S.African. My entire family is still there, and the only way to be financially able to care for me and my kids would be to go back.

No no no no no. Please don’t give this poor baby girl a boys name. Your husband needs to grow up. Religion has a lot to answer for.

OP get your own bank account and then have child benefit if any paid into it. Really important for your NI contribution record even if you dont receive the benefit.