To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

What names has he asked to use?

Hes a bloody abomination. I would be kicking this loser to the kerb

No, it should be Rodney, aka Dave. Much better.😉

Another poor woman married to a complete dickhead....(OP, I take it your husband failed his biology exam?).

Tell him to piss off and then give your head a wobble for even thinking of going along with that.

Op I would rather go back and for the sake of your daughters

Call her Charlotte and shorten it to Charlie, or Harriet to Harry or whatever there are plenty of others like that which are well ingrained, she can then have control over her name in the years to come.

Ah yes, your tricky little vagina killed all his boy sperm. Always the woman's fault.

He can throw around all the insults he wants, but he's the one who's not a real man. Cos a real man loves his wife and children unconditionally. No conditions on the sex of the children.

You need to get rid of him before he has to deal with the reality of girls. Because he'll hurt them all, emotionally at least when anything "female" happens to them. And god forbid one of them is part of the LGBTQ+ community....how do you think he would behave then?

I like names like Harriet, and Charlotte, Maxine etc, that can be shortened to Harry, Charlie and Max. 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like he's planning on pretending she's a boy rather than a girl... sounds like a recipe for giving her a complex and letting her grow up feeling like she'll never be good enough.

It's ridiculous and pathetic of him anyway. Maybe she'll grow into a tomboy anyway. Maybe she'll take after him and be his little mini-me despite being a girl, and they'll be like two peas in a pod. Maybe she won't. Maybe she'll take after a relative neither of you can. That's the chance you take when you have a baby, you have to accept they are PEOPLE, not Sims you get to mould and control, and it's our job as parents to love them however they are. If he can't accept that, he's never going to be happy and he's going to traumatise a young woman.

Every time you think these twats can't get worse. It's amazing.

This.

why are you with this sexist prick

This.

100% agree!

@Afrikaaner I'd go home. Let your family help you.

Ha ha - ask him what grade he got in biology - or didn't he take it?

This

He is abusive

I'm amazed someone who knows so little about women's bodies even managed to reproduce, let alone four times.

I've seen this many times over the years... your marriage if you stay with this man will most likely be him controlling you, wearing you down etc.

It's illegal to pay to have medical treatment to determine the sex of your child.

I would honestly, long term, look into returning to SA.

Choose the most feminine name you can think of, something like Julietta . He’s being awful & to ignore the pregnancy & deny your baby’s sex is a disgrace

Misogynistic shite of a 'man'.

And utterly thick to boot.

Your poor poor kids.

Yes of course you should. You and your daughters are just support tools to him. You are not relevant in your own right. You ought to teach your daughter this right from birth by giving her a boy's name because her father wanted a boy instead of her.

Make sure you tell her that so that she can raise her own daughters as second class citizens too 👌

When are you due?

I would focus on getting out of this relationship asap, rather than the name.

Tell him it’s not happening.

He can name the child but it’s cruel to give her a name he knows she’ll be bullied over.

This is not a nice man.

This man is an absolute joke.

Appease his disappointment by telling him to fuck off. For good. What an awful failure of a father.

Years ago in Victorian times, parents did pretend their boys were girls if they wanted girls. My grandad was the third boy and was dressed as a little girl, lace frilly dresses, bows and long curly blonde hair. We have photos! I'm not sure it really affected him that much. I think they stopped when he got to 5 or 6.