To give DD a boy's name to appease DH gender disappointment?

[Afrikaaner]

I have posted somewhere else, but I don't know how to delete posts on MN. I feel like this is the most appropriate sub.

I have 3 girls and I am pregnant with the last who is also a girl. DH is very very disappointed, he doesn't want to mention her or the pregnancy. In his culture, having a boy is the most desirable; women who can't make babies are not seen as a real women ( his words, not mine).

A week ago, he suddently started telling me we should name her a boy's name. It would be the only way, according to him, to bond with his daughter. Not gender neutral, but male name. I said no, and since then , he won't talk to me. I feel guilty, and sad and I am thinking to go with his plan. I absolutely dislike his choices. Will I be unreasonable to find a male name I like and name her that?

Ok, this is even more of a red flag. What’s next? Arranged/forced marriage for your girls? FGM? You need to run for the hills while you still can.

Have you told him that the name "penis lacker" is desirable amongst the gender disappointment community?

Afrikaaner · Today 14:25

He was very happy to be a father and was the first to badmouth misogynistic standards. I could have never guessed.

I suspect strongly that he's making it up about mothers who don't produce boys being a thing in Dutch culture. I've spent a lot of time working in the Netherlands, or with Dutch colleagues and I've never come across that sort of attitude.

He sounds like a total kankerlijer...

As everyone has said, if he insists on giving her a boy's name, he'll ruin her life.

NOOOOO. Never. My girls are never going om holidays in that part of Asia , unless they decide it and go with male relatives that aren't their paternal family. They don't practice FGM.

Yet you have continued producing children with him, knowing who he really is...

Where would this end if you went along with this suggestion? Would your daughter have to have short hair and wear boy's clothes to appease him? Would she have to get involved with traditionallly male activities and sports too?

Stand your ground OP. For your DDs sake don't collude with his attempts at denial of her sex. You probably know this already, but your Hs attitude is really unhealthy and a harmful environment for raising your daughters. I hope you will be able to at least off set some of his attitudes to protect them.

Definitely not. It will be your daughter's name, NOT your husband's.

He's an immature small-minded idiot if he cannot get past this. HE has created four beautiful daughters. What a shame they have such a nasty bastard for a father.

No chance of leaving him, I suppose? He really is a creep. And all that nonsense about alkali vaginas...honestly, how ignorant can he get?

For the sake of ALL your daughters, dump him.

I have read a lot about it. Why is it bad when it is the father who experience it?

Afrikaaner · Today 14:33

NOOOOO. Never. My girls are never going om holidays in that part of Asia , unless they decide it and go with male relatives that aren't their paternal family.

Ah, is he Indonesian origin?

Well said!
What a ridiculous horrible man

It seems to me this the first of many choices you will have to make about whether to protect your daughter over your husband.

I honestly would be ashamed to have a husband this stupid

Ok, so new baby is now called (for ease) Peter. Peter is born. You go to pit on the pink onesie.... Peter picks up a dolly.... Peter wants to do ballet.... How is "I won't love her if she's called Primrose" going to cope? How will Peter feel knowing she has a. It's name to try and make Daddy love her? How will the older girls feel knowing Peter is being squeezed into a boy shaped hole to make up for the fact they're only females?

@kittensinthekitchen I guess I was hoping it'd go back to normal. Plus I don't work, don't have a bank account. To be totally free, I'd have to go back to South Africa.

Because this is more than disappointment. He's trying to pretend he's not having another daughter, showing deeply misogynistic views, as well as blaming you as he doesn't understand biology.

OP do you even believe him when he says a male name will help him bond better? It sounds like he has some serious issues and it will take more than the right name to resolve them.

Tell him to fuck off and wise up, in whichever order you choose.

She is a girl, whether he likes it or not.

Is he also pissed off with the other three because they're not boys?

WHY ?

He does know that naming HER as a BOY will NOT make her a BOY

SHE will be a GIRL when she is born

Stupid stupid man

I wouldn't be totalerating his nonsense. I'd give him a mouthful abut his beautiful girls and he is disrespecting them and your not the man he thought

This is the only good answer.

Please don’t punish your child for the immaturity and selfishness of your dh

I have an elderly relative (f) with a male name. The first thing I was told about her is 'Shes called X because her parents didn't v want her, they wanted a boy's. Its bad enough to not be wanted, but to be reminded every time you use it look b at your name, that you weren't wanted is even worse, ime

So you are totally at the mercy of this misogynist prick? I'd aim to get both a job and bank account after you have your baby.