To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

I would let your children decide when they’re old enough to understand. I don’t agree with faith schools so I’d send them to a different one.

I got both of mine christened, purely to appease religious grandparents. I grew up in a religious family, their dad is an athiest. My eldest made her holy communion, my youngest doesn't want to. Religion is something very personal and I believe should be something someone can choose when they're of an age to do so. Mine both went to a faith school also, was it the best one? In hindsight, no. So don't let that sway you either.

My decision to not have my youngest make his holy communion has been met with absolute outrage by family btw, but it's not their decision to make and I wish I'd had the balls to not bother with any of it for both of them.

Why dont you let your children choose when they're old enough to understand whether they have a faith or not.

If you're hoping your DCs will go to the RC school you attended, having them Christened CofE is unlikely to be helpful. Round here, unless you're actively catholic, you don't stand a chance of an RC school.
Regardless of that, you should look at all possible schools and see which fits best for your children when they are old enough.

If you want your DCs christened because of your beliefs then go ahead. If you want them christened to get into a school, maybe not.

Your DH and his family don't have be there for a christening. It doesn't have be an event with spectators. They're usually done that way, during a regular Sunday service, but they don't have to be. So if you really want to have your kids christened he doesn't have to be there.

I think it's reasonable for you to want to christen your kids if that's what you believe in, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect your DH and his family to play along with it.

Having some water splashed on their heads when they're babies won't make any difference, especially as it sounds like they won't be brought up in a particularly religious way.

I was christened, I'm not a Christian. Never pushed my beliefs on DS, for a while he decided all religions were true, at the moment, he's basically atheist - like his dad.

If neither of you are C of E then I wouldn’t baptise them.

for me (and I’m Catholic) I’d want my DC to follow the same faith as me if I were to baptise them.

as it happens, my DH is atheist and didn’t want the children baptised into any faith because he thinks it’s a load of nonsense.

Here are the promises you have to make. I presume your husband could sit them out.

Parents and godparents, the Church receives these children with joy.
Today we are trusting God for their growth in faith.
Will you pray for them,
draw them by your example into the community of faith
and walk with them in the way of Christ?
With the help of God, we will.
In baptism these children begin their journey in faith.
You speak for them today.
Will you care for them,
and help them to take their place
within the life and worship of Christ’s Church?
With the help of God, we will.

Are you happy to make those promises? And is your husband happy for you to do so?

Oh, and if the school you're hoping they will attend is Catholic, do they have to be baptised Catholic?

Do you only want them christened so that they can attend the faith school? That's kind of how it reads to me.

I wouldn't be happy sending my dc to a faith school, personally, so I think yabu. Your kids can choose to get christened when they're old enough to decide for themselves.

But I guess there is nothing to stop you if your dh agrees. Given his views, though, I would be surprised if he would be happy to send them to a faith school?

Why do it then?

@KreedKafer
I think it's reasonable for you to want to christen your kids if that's what you believe in, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect your DH and his family to play along with it.

I feel this is a really good summary. I would never expect anyone to play along with it. I am
anxious it might cause a few discussions which at the moment I don’t have the energy to hold.

I don’t know why but I just feel of anything happened to the children I would be devastated they weren’t Christened.

I fully agree faith is personal and if the children want to chose a faith when they are older that makes sense. I would just like to know they have been christened ( like me ) then I would not push it anymore .
Therefore I would probably leave the idea of faith school as this would be influencing the children .

Im just unsure !

I think you have to examine WHY you want them baptised (this is what a christening is). If your convictions are strong enough then it would be ok to override DH on it.

However, it comes across that your reasons are a. It's something your family have done in the past and b. To get them into a faith school.

I'm not sure that's good enough reasons for the church to accept (and you will probably need to lie when you meet the vicar about why you want to do this). Or good enough reasons to go against DH's stronger beliefs.

It's not clear from your OP - do you actually believe in God, Jesus, the resurrection, heaven etc? Will you bring your children up teaching them Christian concepts as truth?

If you believe in these things, you would christen your children and not care much what in laws think. TBH I don't think it's bad to tick the christening box for future schooling purposes, but you should be clear what you're doing it for.

I'm an atheist who was raised catholic, family are still practising. I always find it weird that they haven't even raised the issue of my kids being godless heathens who are putting their immortal souls at risk!

Because it means something to OP? I assume it meant something to my DPs at the time.

I am happy to make them. DH wouldn’t be but would want to attend .

The school takes RC children first then Christened children . However the north rates are so low for the first time non - christened children are getting in anyway. So the Head explained so long as the children are christened they should be fine . I have known the head since I was a teenager and she knows my family and that both my parents are RC. She understands and respects my husbands stance.

However this isn’t just about the school. It’s more - am I wrong to have the children baptised if DH doesn’t believe . I am RC and not COE so I am not sure if this makes sense. I’m running off hardly any sleep and am feeling really lost .

i was christened. i'm now married to a muslim and am basically an atheist. kids couldn't care less. If you are doing it to please grandparents and make yourself feel better just do it. It's only abit of water and means absolutely nothing to the child- they won't remember it...i certainly don't.

Our two were christened, I'm a raging atheist, but my OH isn't, so it was a compromise.

If it was purely my decision, they wouldn't have been.

I don’t know why but I just feel of anything happened to the children I would be devastated they weren’t Christened.

This literally makes no sense to me at all.

I don't believe in a god, but surely if there was one, he wouldn't hold tiny children accountable for something that their parents had or hadn't done for them? Do you believe that your God would make innocent children suffer for something over which they clearly have no control?

Not having a go, because you're entitled to believe whatever you believe. I just really don't get it!

I'd have probably had mine christened but DH felt strongly that he didn't want to, so we didn't. And in retrospect I'm pleased. They can decide later.

Do you actually believe in God and the teachings of the Church? Your OP isn’t clear on this, it just says religion is something you enjoyed learning about and too comfort from.

If you do not actually believe then I don’t see how you could stand there and promise to bring your child up with God and in the ways of the Church.

If you do then sure, go ahead as long as your DH is ok with it.

I was in the same position and did baptise my kids RC. My in laws didn't attend and DH said it didn't matter to him as it was just 'words said in a building ' I don't often go to church but felt that Catholicism was part of their cultural heritage which has become more important to me and them as they have got older. That may be my particular circumstances, as I married into an upper middle class white family and I am not White, they don't have my name ( which I regret) and DH's family are loud and vocal atheists. It just felt like it was a bit of my heritage that I wanted to pass on. I do take them to church occasionally. My older DS has got interested in it and likes going, even though he doesn't believe in God, but my younger doesnt. They didn't make their first holy communion and they haven't been confirmed, which they did decide themselves. I wouldn't have agreed to baptise them C of E as a compromise because I have no link to the C of E church. Fwiw they did go to Catholic school but we soon realised that the hothouse atmosphere of that particular school didn't suit DS do he moved to another school.

Indoctrination of children is never a good thing. Let them decide when they are older.

I agree with your husband.
Wait until they are teens and can make up their own minds what they believe.

If your Dh,is an atheist why does it matter to him,wether they are christened in a RC or a C of E church.?