To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

It's not a situation you can compromise on really, unless 1 DC got christened but the other did not. That wouldn't make sense. Either the DC are christened or not christened. You can't be a little bit christened. If OP has faith and wants to bring her DC up with a faith, taking them to church with her I think her DH should respect that.

Or they could be christened as babies/toddlers, go along to church or Sunday school with OP and then decide for themselves if they want to be confirmed in the faith when they are older. By this time they would have had some experience of the faith so their decision would be based on knowledge.

Christen them RC. Why does he think C of E is ok even though he doesn’t agree with religion? It’s not your religion, RC is!

Get them christened if you want to. But don't pretend it's for anything but the school place.

But you didn't discuss/decide whether your kids would get christened? In which case, it's obviously not that important to you, so no, you shouldn't.

I’m an atheist, like my mum, my dad was brought up RC but doesn’t believe. I was never baptised which upset my grandparents but I’m glad. I guess as an atheist it should just not matter, but personally to me it would feel like a violation of my right not to have a religion foisted on me. Let your kids decide when they are old enough.

He is saying no but you are thinking of doing it anyway? That's outrageous.

If my partner had christened/baptised our child behind my back I would have left him. It's a huge breech of trust. Your children can decide if they would like to join a religion when they are old enough to decide for themselves.

Anglican vicar here - to christen a child everyone with parental responsibility has to agree. We can't christen a child otherwise. If your husband didn't attend/sat out of making the promises we wouldn't be able to christen your child.

Or they could not be christened, go to church with OP to learn more about faith, educate themselves on other faiths, and then decide when they are older.

Sorry but no need for anyone to be christened into a specific religion as a baby.

Some of the comments on here are so offensive to people of faith! Of course everyone is entitled to express their view to the OP but it is possible to do this without showing your prejudice religions and their followers.
Your view might be that children should make their own choice about baptism but that does not make it acceptable to describe religious practices as 'indoctrination' or to belittle baptism as 'just having some water splashed over a baby's head'. Would you say these things to Christians in the real world? Or are you just assume that most people on here share your views and so it's not necessary to be respectful?

I don't see how any of that is offensive, certainly not as much as atheists are all "dog in the manger", jealous and spiteful of religious people. But then I doubt you care about that.

@Mumsfishnets "Some of the comments on here are so offensive to people of faith!"

How do you feel about the OP having her children christened to get into a particular school?

But it's not at all offensive to say that you believe people who haven't been baptised (or whatever) are going to hell?

Or that atheists don't want others to enjoy the benefits of religion because they can't enjoy them themselves?

Or that it's fine for the OP to ignore her DH's views about how his dc are raised?

There are strong views on both sides and we are all entitled to our beliefs. Some forms of religious upbringing absolutely do involve indoctrination, but not all. And baptism does usually involve splashing water over a baby's head, unless you go for the full immersion method. Yes, you might imbue that ritual with more significance than others do, but they don't have to agree with your interpretation, any more than you have to agree with theirs.

I didn't see the offensive comment about atheists. Obviously I don't think that's acceptable either.

I'm just asking that people are respectful to each other.

I didnt join the thread to give my opinions on faith schools.

For what it's worth, I'm an atheist too.

But you have assumed that as I've asked for people to be tolerant of religious views on here that I'm a christian. And then you've assumed I'm also a conservative christian with very specific views about baptism, sin and hell.

Maybe look at your prejudices before making assumptions.

No, of course we don't "respect" views we regard as fantastical, harmful and plain wrong. Nobody's weird opinions or beliefs are automatically entitled to the respect of others. My NDN is a flat-earther. I don't respect his views; they're demonstrably bollocks.

There's a basic level of courtesy which precludes me from going into a church and sharing my atheism, of course - but this isn't a church, it's a public discussion forum, and I'm afraid your beliefs don't carry any more weight than mine do in this setting. I think baptising infants is actively wrong. I think people who believe in the virgin birth/miracles/the supernatural lack critical thinking skills. You're welcome to share your views on atheists (and christians frequently do).

Would you share this view on your work place? Or with children?

Once again...I'm not a Christian! Just hoping to live in a world where we respect each other and can have dialogue without causing offense.

Sorry op! I hope you are able to make the decision that's right for you.

Any trinitarian Baptism done in the correct form would be accepted by the Catholic Church, so being baptized CoE doesn't preclude attending a Catholic school. However, that would still mean a conversion to Catholicism and acceptance of Catholic teaching to receive the other Sacraments of initiation (Holy Communion and Confirmation).
If applying to a Catholic school, if you had never taken your children to the local Catholic parish and hadn't catechised them in any way, your children would be classified as CofE at best.
It would then just depend how competitive it was to get in.

If your husband is willing, then I think a CoE Baptism is better than none for a Christian believer such as yourself. It's sad that a Catholic mother can't baptise her children Catholic however.

Why on earth wouldn't I share my views with my children? I don't state them as fact (unlike most "people of faith"), my children understood that they were my views. They also had Christian grandparents, Muslim and Jewish family friends, lots of people with different backgrounds and beliefs to whom they could talk about those. They are adults now and have developed their own opinions.

At work - I don't go around blasting my views in people's faces, because work isn't a public discussion forum, but if asked, of course I would be truthful about my beliefs. If it comes up in conversation over a meal, I don't hide my opinions; why should I? And on the one occasion where a Christian colleague pushed me for answers about not attending her baby's christening (she invited everyone she knew) I told her I didn't believe baptising infants was right, so it wouldn't be appropriate for me to attend. No regrets about any of that.

I'm not sure if you're talking to me, but I'm not making any assumptions about your personal beliefs, I am commenting on the other opinions already expressed on this thread. Perhaps I should have said "one" rather than "you", for the sake of clarity, but I always think that sounds a bit wanky.

I was brought up RC. DH's family are atheists with an active disdain for religious belief.

Christenings are different from other sacraments in that (as far as young children are concerned) others are deciding for them (we take all sort of decisions for babies). The sacrament may mean a lot to you but it may just be water to others. No harm done then and no compulsion for them to do anything (no more than signing them up to a football club will make them fans/complicit in the decisions of a dodgy owner or the drunken antics of a hooligan, etc). Within RC, children should get their first say with first communion and then confirmation. Obviously deciding to baptise is something you and your DP should agree to do/not do and it will involve compromise for both of you: think about the pros/cons for each of you and what the impact will feel like of doing it/not doing it. I would be disinclined to consider his family's POW. This is about your small family and you both need to feel at peace with the decision.

It is up to you and your DP to decide how to speak to them about your beliefs or indeed about religion more broadly (yes, religion has resulted in wars; so have power, economic interests and human rights so that will be one of many major issues which you will have to tease apart for your kids). Things that can be a force for good/promote fairness and justice/provide joy, comfort and hope can also be exploited to cause grief and justify oppression and injustice.

In the end, when the DC came along, my DH suggested we christened them because he knew it meant something to me. He is in agreement with the basic moral principles of Christianity but against organised religion or the idea of a supreme being. I am very critical of lots of things within the RC Church (I actively advocate for same-sex unions, ordination of women, etc and feel I can make more impact from inside. I also recognise how brutal and unChristian the RC has been at an institutional level over the centuries). I hesitated but in the end went for it. Ultimately, I saw the sacrament as something spiritual above the institutional framework, even if the institution enabled the ritual aspects of it. Very, very low key but beautiful ceremonies with a handful of people. We are both glad we did it. DC still young but like to be included in that part of my life and it helps that we have a great local community with a very open-minded and positive priest. Both chose to do first communion. I expect it will all become less attractive as teenagehood kicks in but it's now their choice.

I would not get involved in discussions about religion in the workplace - it would generally be unprofessional.

Of course I would share my opinions with my dc, as most parents do. She has always been brought up to respect that people have the right to different beliefs and to think critically & make her own judgements.

I couple I know were in this position. She was RC and he was an atheist. She had the children baptised and the dad waited outside. Worked for them.

I 100% agree with your DH’s views from your first paragraph. That said, both my DC are christened because DH went to Catholic Church when he was younger and felt it was important to him. I’m anti religion as I say but it makes no difference to me if they’re christened or not.