To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

There is a process for children coming to their own belief - it is called confirmation which normally happens when they are teenagers and have chosen to reaffirm faith. Christenings happen for the parents. I would have them done.

Mine had a dedication service as that's what the church I went to at the time, did. My daughter chose to be baptised as an adult but my don didn't. I've been to too many christenings where it was just an excuse to have a knees/booze up with the parents having no intention of encouraging their children to have any religious experience.
My XMiL was horrified that we weren't having them christened - this from somebody who had had XH and his brothers christened purely so they could attend a C of E school.

Because to an atheist, the CofE has beliefs and practices that appear more rational while still being Christian. So they don’t believe in transubstantiation unlike Catholics. They allow their religious leaders normal family lives unlike the Ca5olic church which preaches a lot about family while insisting its employees can’t have one. They don’t indoctrinate young children to the same extent. They don’t preach against artificial birth control. So there are lots of reasons why someone can agree to their kids being raised Christian while being adamantly anti Catholic.

Well you see your husband is right - you are doing this for the school intake, not because you are religious. This isn’t what religion should be about but it has become a tool to get what people want. Either do it or don’t but if you do you should be entering into their christening as bringing them up in the faith, not a couple of times a year to make it look right. I say this as someone who isn’t christened and doesn’t particularly believe in any god.

This is why faith schools are such a nonsense, and shouldn't be state funded!

If you are Catholic and plan to bring them up in that faith then have them baptised in a Catholic church.

I don't see how it makes any sense to have them Christened in a CofE church if neither parent is of that religion. And they wouldn't turn make their first communion, confirmation - are these sacraments important to you?

What is your husband's aversion to Catholic baptism specifically?

• Because atheists are a bit dog in the manger about religious faith, because they don’t have it, they don’t want anyone else to enjoy its manifold benefits either.

More vocal about the faults of Christianity, though…..*

I couldn't give a bugger about the different religions or if people have faith or not., it's none of my business, just like me being an atheist is none of theirs.

My OH isn't an atheist, it's not an issue, as we don't talk about religion. It doesn't interest me.

It doesn’t matter what DH and his family think. If they’re atheists then you can’t offend their faith because they don’t have any. It’s a harmless ritual that will have no effect on their lives whatsoever, so if you and your family want to do it then just book it. Go low key and don’t drag the other family along so you’ve not inconvenienced anyone. I can’t see why anyone would take issue with it.
dedicated atheist here and if my DH family wanted to bless my kids or baptise them or whatever I wouldn’t be bothered at all.
So long as they don’t expect me to do any work or planning I’d be delighted for them.

I think you shouldn’t go with CoE, no. You are RC, your faith means a lot for you: it’s your cultural heritage and identity you shouldn’t give up on this. What kind of decision would it be ? Neither of you are CoE , it would look purely for school tbh, it’s not for your heart.
Your DH is not religious, fine, just do everything in a simple way. Don’t ask him to be overjoyed, respectful is enough. He is a bit too serious imo. RC schools are good , everyone knows that, it’s reality. It might change in your place. You are not going to drag the whole family every Sunday to the church? I think not.
If you have fundamentally different values it will go out and affect you regardless of christening. If not, you will just have some difference in your views and it’s not a big deal.
In reality most of couples have different level of faith and they cope with this ok. I wouldn’t go into RC school if both parents are strong atheists but it’s not the case here.

Probably because Cof E is a sort of neutral/ bland religion where to be honest I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of its members were in it for the traditional and cultural aspects rather than actually believing in the miracles afterlife etc.
I personally don't see this as a bad thing.

RC is different. Its sunday school teachers come out with stuff like you shouldn't read Harry Potter because it's the work of the devil and the like. Baptism is one thing, but as soon as the indoctrination starts it will be difficult for an atheist to deal with.
He probably thinks that Cpf E You s harmless, but RC isn't.

Respect your children enough to let this be their decision.

Well to be fair I'm not entirely on board with his views either...

Do you view same sex relationships the same way?

I'm trying to see where you two actually have common views?

Didn't you talk about this before children?

Religion doesn’t cause wars. Men wanting power and land causes wars.
Those men might try and hide their power lust behind other reasons such as religion but the reality is , it’s men and their power lust that causes war.
All the Christians I know are in favour of same sex marriages. Plenty of vicars in the CofE are in same sex relationships.

If he thinks his child is being brought up to believe in what he thinks is a total, possibly corrupt fiction, I think he does get a say

Being Christened has nothing to do with going to heaven! Being Christened is saying you will teach the children your views on Christ and bring them up in faith.

They can't marry though...

We weren't christened as kids, for similar reasons. My Mum was a church-goer/involved in the church; my Dad very anti-religion. They came to the decision that we could decide, when we were old enough to understand. My sister was christened at age 12; my brother and I have never been christened. I am the only non church-goer from the three of us now.
I would leave it, and let them decide when they're old enough to understand what it really means.

Why not take them to Ireland to visit your mum and have the christening there in her chapel. I’m RC and so is my DH I know how important it is even when you think you are a lasped RC the guilt never goes away and if it gives you peace of mind then do it but i wouldn’t compromise on it being in Coe that makes no sense

Let the children decide when they're old enough. It's ultimately their choice which faith (or none) they want to follow.

I have alway wondered if you can get 'unbaptised' - as I probably would do that myself.

Why on earth didn't you discuss this before you got married and had children? I'm vegan, my daughter's dad isn't, but I made it very clear any children I had would be raised vegan and he agreed (we've been split up 3 years and he's still happy she's vegan 😁).

OP I think your husband is being petty to be honest. The thinking being "I'm not getting what I what (for the kids to be atheist) so you're not getting what you want either (for them to be RC)"

Why would you want them to be baptised into a different faith? You won't have the understanding of that faith like you do of RC, are you going to forgo attending your church and ceremonies to teach them CofE by attending CofE church? And as rightly pointed out by PP, you feel RC is part of your family history and heritage.
It makes no sense to go CofE unless you intend to convert too.

I’ve already answered this.

Well, we weren’t married in a Church as we have different ideas . We of course discussed the matter of children and religion before even getting engaged.
DH wasn’t just going to go along with a church wedding for me as he felt it was wrong to do so. I wasn’t insistent we got married by god . I was just so happy to be married .
I don’t believe people who aren’t the same belief can’t get married ! I don’t think that is true. DH is amazing and respects me and I him. Hence the compromise of COE.

We aren’t having huge arguments. He isn’t saying I can’t . I’m trying to work out if I should.

Being baptised in the Catholic Church has everything to do with going to heaven; particularly if you have a Catholic parent who knows the relevance and importance of the sacrament or baptism.

Rightly or wrongly, the Catholic faith is very prescriptive on these matters and the faith is strongly structured around sacraments - baptism is essentially a gateway to these. It’s not the case that anyone can take holy communion as maybe the case in other denominations.

I would strongly advise speaking to a Catholic priest regarding all of these matters so you and and your husband can make an informed decision about what you want to do based on a through understanding of the Catholic faith and the ramifications of not being baptised into the faith. They you can decide what to do. There is not a “halfway house” in that your child will be a Christian if they are baptised CofE but they will not be a member of the Catholic Church

How is CofE a compromise?

There's still differences in belief

Why not Baptists or Methodists?

Makes as much sense

As a Catholic of Irish heritage like you OP, the idea that C of E represents some kind of compromise middle ground is rather culturally insensitive.